MIL told everyone about our 30F 30M pregnancy at 5 weeks. How do we go ahead with her?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A faint pink line on a pregnancy test sparks cautious joy for a 30-year-old couple, their first step toward parenthood kept close among trusted loved ones. But in their tight-knit small town, whispers spread like wildfire when the husband’s mother, sworn to secrecy at just 5 weeks, spills the news to anyone who’ll listen.

The introverted couple, still awaiting their first ultrasound, is blindsided by messages and unsolicited casseroles from strangers. Shared on Reddit, their story of breached trust and stolen privacy captures the heartache of a milestone marred by betrayal.

‘MIL told everyone about our 30F 30M pregnancy at 5 weeks. How do we go ahead with her?’

UPDATE: MIL is out of town but we will be going ahead and confronting her with the brilliant advice given to us by all y'all when she's back later this week. I will post an update when we do it letting you all know how it went.

Thank you so much for all your help and advice - I'm mentally drained now so likely won't be replying to further comments today, but I appreciate them. Thank you again. TLDR MIL overstepped a stated boundary and now the whole of our town knows we are pregnant way way too early.

My partner (30sM) and I (30sF) are very recently pregnant (7 weeks) and have only told our nearest and dearest, including his mother. We told her early, when we received a positive test, with the caveat that she was to keep it schtum until the 'safe' point. It will be her first grandchild.

Within days of telling her, we received multiple people in our small town messaging us to ask if it was true. Dumbfounded that they would have known this early, we were at a loss as to who could have leaked it. 

A few days ago, a friend reached out and said she had heard from four separate people who had been informed by my MIL, and they had been instructed to 'keep it a secret'. We're upset at how public this tenuous early stage has now become in our small SMALL town, and how we now have the joy of telling people ourselves taken from us.

If the worst should happen, I'll have to weather a miscarriage publicly. Both my partner and I are deeply introverted and this has brought unwanted and invasive attention to us. We haven't even had a g**damn ultrasound yet and we already have people delivering us food randomly 'for you guys and the baby'.

We are unsure how to go ahead with her now. She doesn't know that we know it was her, though we mentioned a week ago that we were upset that somehow everyone knew. She brushed it off.

We are both quite non-confrontational and don't really know how to approach her about it. She has historically had a problem with overstepping boundaries in a serious way. Any suggestions please?

Pregnancy is a sacred milestone, but this couple’s story shows how a breach of trust can taint the joy. The MIL’s decision to share their news, despite explicit instructions to stay silent, reflects a disregard for boundaries, leaving the couple exposed in a small town. Their distress, amplified by their introverted nature, underscores the emotional toll of unwanted attention during a fragile early pregnancy.

Boundary violations in families are common. A 2020 study in Family Relations found that 45% of new parents report in-law oversteps, often tied to excitement or control. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, notes, “When someone ignores a clear boundary, it’s not just a mistake—it’s a choice that prioritizes their needs over yours”. The MIL’s actions, even if well-intentioned, robbed the couple of agency over their narrative.

The couple’s fear of public scrutiny, especially in case of miscarriage, highlights a broader issue: the pressure of communal expectations on private matters. Early pregnancy carries a 10-20% miscarriage risk, making their desire for privacy understandable. The MIL’s brush-off when confronted further erodes trust, signaling a pattern of boundary issues.

Moving forward, an information diet, as Reddit suggests, is wise—sharing only what they’re ready for the town to know. A calm confrontation, led by the husband, could clarify the hurt and set firm boundaries. Couples therapy or mediation might help navigate ongoing family dynamics. Their plan to address this head-on shows strength in protecting their growing family’s privacy.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community strongly supported the couple, condemning the MIL’s actions as a blatant violation of trust. Most emphasized that her history of overstepping boundaries warrants strict consequences, like withholding future personal details until the couple is ready for public knowledge.

Commenters shared similar experiences, reinforcing the need for an “information diet” to prevent further leaks. Many urged the husband to lead a direct conversation to hold his mother accountable, stressing that her excitement doesn’t justify betraying their wishes. The consensus affirmed the couple’s right to privacy and control over their pregnancy journey.

PotatoMonster20 − You don't need to confront her if you don't want to.. But i do recommend learning from this.. From now on, she only receives information if and when you're happy for everyone in your community to know.. It's a shame that she can't be trusted, but that's on her.

DplusLplusKplusM − Your partner needs to sit down with her own mother and tell her that this is the last piece of private information she's going to get from you two. She's going to be the last one to know the baby's name.

She's going to be the last one to find out if you're ever expecting a second child. Her daughter needs to calmly and quietly express to her how disappointing this is and what the repercussions will be.

txa1265 − Why are you unsure? This is a clear case of 'when someone tells you who they are ... believe them the first time'. She cannot be trusted. Period. End of Story.. Do NOT tell her your ideas for names. Do NOT tell her gender even if you find out (tell her 'we've chosen to be surprised')

Basically distance yourself from her ... and it is up to your husband to make it clear that she crossed a boundary and broke your trust by revealing extremely personal info after being explicitly asked to, so you will not be sharing anything in the future.

And that if she doesn't work to earn your trust back, it will be unclear whether she is trusted alone with the child. You MUST make it clear to someone like this what is at stake - they will never respect your boundaries until they are forced to.

MyNameIsMulva − My mom did this. I ended up losing the baby (not saying this will happen to you! It probably won’t, but I understand the fear). As a result I, a very private person, got to share a super private and horrible time in my life with a variety of people I barely knew.

I told her very clearly that she was not on the inside loop for stuff anymore. True to my word, 3 healthy kids later and she found out about all of them at the 13 week mark, moments before posting it on social media. She was offended, but she made her bed with it.

stellastellamaris − That sucks, I'm very sorry. And - she misbehaved, so there are consequences. You tell her nothing from now on. Cone of silence. Until you are ready for the world to know, you tell no one you can't trust 100%, and that's her.

Do you WANT to say something? I think you (you and your partner) can tell her: 'Hey, remember we told you how upset we were that everyone knew about our pregnancy even though we only told a few people and asked them to keep it schtum?

Well, a few people told us that it was you who told them - is that true?' (See if she lies or not.) Then you and your partner can say, 'Whether it was you or not, we will be keeping everything pretty close to the chest going forward, it's really hurtful to know we can't trust people the people closest to us to respect our wishes about things like this.'. 

0422 − My mom posted on FB immediately after our phone call, even after I mentioned to keep this to herself since i hadnt told anyone else just yet. I dont have fb but my entire family does. When i found out at 6am the next morning

I was literally cry/screaming that this was one of the most humiliating and worst things shes ever done and she needs to take the post down RIGHT NOW. She panicked and did.. She went to time out after that.. Sometimes….you need to let your emotions out girl.

AbbeyCats − Why not ask her why she shared the news? When she denies it, ask her why she's comfortable lying to you? And if she denies lying, ask her why she's lying about lying? And keep asking. Don't let her off the hook. If you want an apology, you have a route to get one easily here. But be careful with your MIL going forward... put her on an 'information diet'.

herekittykitty250 − Information diet.  You only tell her information and show her pictures when you would want others to know.  Don't share the name, the gender, even that it was BORN until you're ready. My very excited FIL put that our oldest was born on FB before we even had a chance to breathe. I was still in recovery. 

With our second, we told them right before we wanted the whole world to know.   You know your MIL is a boundary breaker, so don't give her the chance to do it in the first place.  Also, since it seems you will need this info- in the US

You can tell the nurses no visitors in L&D and in the mom and baby ward until you say so.  I also highly recommend not telling her the baby is born until you're ready.  Good luck and congrats!

DocSternau − Now you know that you never share a secret with your MIL again. You don't need to confront her for that. Just keep everything important to yourself until you are ready to let the whole world know. And if you are a bit petty: Tell everyone else before the MIL next time.

Grouchy-Storm-6758 − As added help… If you have not told her your due date tell her it’s 30 days AFTER the true due date; if you have wait until the ultrasound and say they made a mistake or something like that and now the due date is X.

If you find out the gender, but don’t want to share with her, just say the baby wouldn’t cooperate and we will have to wait until the birth to know! If you text all the time or post stuff all the time on SM, about 2-4 weeks before your due date slow down!

Don’t post every day, and don’t answer texts and phone calls right away. Wait hours to respond then stretch it out to days.. This is a two fold thing. 1-she won’t know when you go into labor and blow your phones up (when you do go into labor, put it on airplane mode), and she will get use to not getting answered instantly.

2-new baby- you will not have the time or patience to respond instantly or send daily photos, and you have already gotten her use to the fact that it may take days to answer her!. Also

Google pregnancy and newborn boundaries. You and DH come up with a list of everything then let friends and family know whatever they are (suggestion wait a minimum of 2 weeks before you have visitors).. Good luck!

This tale of a couple’s early pregnancy exposed by an overzealous MIL reveals the delicate balance of trust and boundaries in family life. Their hurt and resolve to confront the breach highlight the power of reclaiming control over personal milestones.

As they brace for a tough talk, the Reddit chorus cheers their strength. Have you faced a family member crossing lines with private news? Share your stories below and let’s unpack the art of setting boundaries!

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