Me [31/F] with my Husband [32/M] my weight loss is causing issues.

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In a quiet suburban home, a woman’s bold health journey is shaking things up. After dropping 55 pounds with a Paleo/keto diet, she’s eager to hit the gym, her heart set on vitality for herself and her kids. But her husband’s grumbles about “wasted money” and lost “alone time” sting, hinting at deeper tensions.

Her story, shared on Reddit, pulls us into a relatable tug-of-war between personal growth and partnership—will her spark reshape their bond?

‘Me [31/F] with my Husband [32/M] my weight loss is causing issues.’

We've been together over 13 years, married for 6 years. I've always been overweight, he's mildly overweight. After two kids born c-section and general laziness, I ballooned up to 271lbs. In June, I realized I wanted and deserved more out of life, and needed to be as healthy as I could be for my children. Since then I've been on a combination of Paleo/keto eating lifestyle and have lost 55lbs.

Husband was late getting on the eating right train, and honestly still loves to drink lots of fruit juice and eat insane amounts of food. He has lost about 10-15lbs. I told him in the beginning that once I hit 20lbs down and knew I was fully committed, I wanted to join a gym. He was fine with it. I hit 20, then 40, now I'm approaching 60, and things are slowing down and it's getting harder and harder to continue eating clean and not seeing results.

My parents offered to buy me a year gym membership for Christmas. I was stoked! He was not :( Husband told me it would be a waste of money, and even if I went after the kids go to sleep at 8:00pm, that I would be taking away our 'alone time'. This is super frustrating because once the kids are asleep, we sit on opposite ends of the couch and play on our laptops.

I have asked and begged him to have conversations with me, cuddle, do Pilates or yoga, do a project together, play a game, ect he won't do it. So I figure, f**k it, why not go to the gym instead of sitting on my ass. He was upset and told me he felt I was 'leaving him behind'

and he's 'gearing up to get on board with healthy eating.' I can't help but feel so discouraged to have zero support at home. I make all our meals every day from scratch, I have explained to him about sugar, carbs, insulin, and how it affects our bodies and he just won't give up certain sweet things.

Hitting 55lbs down and having him tell me 'You're not going to go, it's a waste of money' was just soul crushing. I'm not sure how to move forward with this without giving in and staying on the couch, or getting fit and making him feel 'left behind'. Going to the gym together isn't an option because of having no one to watch the kids for us. Someone would always have to be at home..

**EDIT** Holy s**t, this blew up. Guys, thank you all for the supportive comments and great advice. I'm trying to respond to each one of them. I was worried about getting some trolls fat bashing me but so far, not anything but support! WOW! I love you, reddit!!!

I spoke to him last night again about the gym, he wants me to sign up for a month first and then we can 'see how it goes.' Regardless, I'm going to start working out from home today. Thanks so much again for all the support, you guys rock! :)

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This woman’s drive to get healthy while facing her husband’s resistance highlights a common relational hiccup: one partner’s growth can spark insecurity in the other. His “waste of money” jab at her gym plans suggests fear—maybe of her outshining him or drawing new attention. It’s less about malice and more about his struggle to keep pace.

Relationship dynamics often shift when one partner changes significantly. Studies show weight loss can strain marriages, with couples clashing over mismatched goals. Her effort to cook healthy meals is a olive branch, but his love for sugary drinks shows he’s not ready to join her.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman says, “Supportive partners celebrate each other’s wins, not diminish them.” The husband’s hesitation, rooted in self-doubt, risks derailing her progress. She needs to affirm her commitment to him while holding firm on her health goals.

To move forward, she could propose small shared activities, like evening walks, and start with home workouts to ease his concerns. Open talks, balancing her needs with his feelings, can bridge the gap.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s community jumped in with support and spicy takes on this marital standoff. Here’s what they had to say:

panic_bread − It sounds like he's jealous and trying to throw you off your progress so that he doesn't feel bad about not making much himself. But, honestly, the fact that you two barely speak to each other when the kids aren't around is troubling. How long has it been like this? If I were you, I'd go at night without him regardless of his complaints.

faeynt − How old are your kids? Some gyms have daycare. Mine (Blast! fitness) is a decent gym, and daycare is included in my $20/month membership. They will watch kids up to 2/hrs a day. Maybe do some research on your area? That is assuming a lot. But if you're a SAHM, it is a great option that he can't argue, as it won't impact him at all!

And if you have them in your area I really would recommend blast, because they also have unlimited guest passes. So you could both go together. Unfortunately, when one person loses a significant amount of weight, relationship problems become super common.

Don't let your husband bring you down. You being in charge of meals can be a blessing in that sense.. And if you are in Arizona I'll be your gym buddy! Might be worth checking out a couple other subs if you want to get a headstart. I had luck with /r/xxfitness and /r/bodyweightfitness

[Reddit User] − It always happens when one s/o starts to really hit the gym/ eat right. There's a dynamic where both sides try to match lifestyles either through over-encouragement or over-discouragement. It's a lot of effort to match yours and easier to try to bring you down to his. My sister in law does this to my bil all the time. You just have to do it anyway.

Helps to stop talking about it so much. Just work out, eat right. He can or wont, don't listen to the negativity (fear based or not), and do what you need to for you. If you're not working out to get to 'hot status' and find another man and he doesn't have anything to worry about then don't play into the baiting conversations.

Sarahhhhhhhh8 − Sometimes, you have to do things that are good for you. Continue to talk with your husband. Make sure you have nights/times that are for him--quality time, or just chill time.

But DON'T let his lack of enthusiasm stop your improvement. Get a female gym friend (I imagine a male friend would make him feel worse). Take fun classes. Cook clean. Don't stop something that you enjoy that makes you happier and healthier.

La_Fee_Verte − He's trying to sabotage your success - check out /r/loseit for more help from people with similar problems.. Also, read up on crab bucket syndrome. Do not let him pull you down, as you only have one life and wasting it on hating yourself and being unhealthy is not worth it.

pofish − You don't 'gear up to get on board with healthy eating'. It's just something you do.. How is the gym a waste of money if it's a gift? Honestly, this type of behavior sounds like e is afraid of losing you. You're getting fitter and probably getting more attention from other guys as well.

He doesn't want to be left home while you're out getting in shape. But he doesn't want to participate either. It's a lose/lose. In the interim, I think the best thing you can do is reaffirm him that you love him regardless and your lifestyle, while you'd love to share it with him, won't be a dividing force between the two of you. When/if he's ready to eat cleaner or get leaner, you'll be there to support him.

But in the meantime, he needs to support you on your journey. He might think keeping you at home and hindering your progress means that you won't leave him or be disappointed by his choices. That's just not true. You'll just be unhappy with yourself and harbor resentment. That can be a bigger marriage breaker, he just needs to realize it.

LadyBraidy − It sounds like your success if making him insecure. This doesn't make him a bad person, just a little selfish right now which can happen to us all. Are you planning on going to the gym every night? Could you guys come to a compromise where go every second night or early morning? The logistics of it aside, your husband needs to understand that he's being really unfair to you by not supporting you, especially after all your hard work.

The waste of money excuse doesn't wash because it's not his money that's being used and his lack of motivation to do anything together could be fear of change (or plain stubborn laziness?) Does he give you a reason that he won't do an activity with you in the evenings?

AXELkh2 − Don't listen to that b**lshit. I have no idea who you are but I'm proud of you for losing 55 pounds!! That's so amazing. You are doing something good for you and it really sucks that your husband can't see that. You should inform him how hurtful he's being and that he should be supporting you because he's your husband. Don't get discouraged. Keep up the good work and lose that weight for you!

nooes − Not supporting your health to me is a big no-no. You need your health so that you and he can have a healthy relationship, and so you can have the energy and longevity to raise your children together. It seems like he isn't really thinking about you,

and he is only worried about poor him and having lots of sugary pitty parties while saying 'no' in contempt. Sorry if I seem overly unsympathetic towards him but it's hard to have sympathy for someone who doesn't want to see their family be healthy if it means he has to face his own insecurity.

[Reddit User] − Why is he complaining about the cost when it's your parents paying for it? That's ridiculous. Maybe suggest to him that he come along with you sometimes to bond and stuff? I wouldn't worry too much about the weight loss slowing down,

because frankly losing 60 pounds in 5 months is pretty great progress. You don't want to crash and regain the weight. However, maybe set up an appointment with a dietician to address concerns and they might have particular advice for your situation

These opinions are bold, but do they miss the mark on the husband’s deeper fears? Or is he just too attached to his fruit juice?

Her 55-pound triumph is a beacon of resilience, but her husband’s pushback shows how personal wins can ripple through relationships. It’s a dance of support, fear, and growth we all face. What would you do if your partner’s doubts dimmed your shine? Share your stories—how have you balanced your goals with love?

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