Man Agrees To Open His Relationship To Save It, But His Boyfriend Only Uses It To Find New Sugar Daddies

Caitlin Beaudin Hours
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We all know that moment when you love someone so much you are willing to sacrifice your own comfort just to keep them happy. For one 31-year-old man, that sacrifice meant agreeing to a polyamorous lifestyle he never wanted, all in hopes of maintaining a connection with his 24-year-old partner. He thought that by setting clear boundaries and designated 'couple days,' they could navigate the complex world of open dating together without losing their spark.

However, the reality of the situation quickly shifted from ethical non-monogamy to a series of missed birthdays, forgotten promises, and suspicious 'friendships' that looked a lot like dates. As his boyfriend began returning home draped in expensive jewelry and new clothes from other men, the original poster realized that their agreement wasn't about love—it was about a lopsided power dynamic. Want the juicy details? The full story is right below.

Man Agrees To Open His Relationship To Save It, But His Boyfriend Only Uses It To Find New Sugar Daddies

AITAH for letting my boyfriend date his ex?

The stage is set with a classic case of 'poly under duress,' where one partner yields to save the bond.

So me (31M) and my boyfriend (24M) have been together for about 8 months.

He had told me that he wants to be in a polyamorous relationship.

I let them know that I do not have any interest in being poly.

He kept bringing up the topic and wanting to open up the relationship.

Finally, about three months ago, I said I would try it.

I said as long as there was communication and he let me know ahead of time that we can try it.

My only thing was that I had Mondays and Tuesdays off, so those are our days.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and I find out he has a couple of hangouts planned.

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And I asked about details of the hangout, and it was this guy (we will call Alec) and he was going to take him out to breakfast and pay for...

I told him that that was a date.

My boyfriend told me no it wasn’t and that it was just friends.

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He said that this was an old friend and they were gonna catch up.

Now here comes the kicker: this was planned on a Monday.

I’m off Monday.

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I let him know this and he said he forgot and he thought I was gonna be sleeping. (Background: I work overnights and I get off at 7:30 AM on...

I stay up all day Monday and go to bed at a normal time Monday night.

And this is every Monday. I let it go and told him to enjoy his day.

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The emotional stakes peak here as a milestone celebration is sidelined for a stranger's company.

A couple weeks later was my birthday.

I was super excited because one of my love languages is gifts.

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I love giving gifts and I love receiving gifts and my boyfriend knows this.

I know this kind of sounds shallow, but even if it’s homemade and doesn’t cost money, I will love it regardless.

My birthday fell on a Monday.

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I get off work and find out he has plans to meet up with another guy.

I thought maybe this was a cover-up so he can get a gift.

I was wrong.

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He admitted to me later that he forgot until my roommate texted him letting him know that it was my birthday and if I was gonna do something.

Mind you, this was already about 1 PM that he realized it was my birthday.

He ran out and got a store-bought cake and some flowers.

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In my mind, this was strike two, but I let it slide.

I was honestly very hurt.

We had a big argument, and I thought we had come to another understanding that Mondays and Tuesdays are for us.

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A couple weeks after that was Valentine’s Day, on a Saturday.

I was really excited and I planned out a whole thing.

I had a letter for each hour planned where he would open it and find a love message from me.

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There were some that had gift cards attached to them (DoorDash, Steam, PlayStation store, etc).

His love language is words of affirmation.

Some of the love letters were words of affirmation.

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I was super excited.

The day before, he lets me know he has a hangout with another guy planned.

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I was really hurt to be honest.

I let him know this and he said that he would be back by the time I was up sleeping. (Background: on my work week I get home around 8...

And then I take another nap around 6 PM to 10 PM. I said OK and waited for him.

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He didn’t end up coming home until 4 PM.

I decided to sacrifice my sleep and stay up to have a Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend.

In the next month, I found out he had reached out to two more of his exes.

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He wanted to go on a weekend trip with one of them and the other one he was talking to over Discord.

Mind you, the one he was talking to over Discord broke his heart, and he’s still in love with him.

The one over Discord does not have feelings for him whatsoever.

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The one that he wanted to go on a weekend trip with, we will call Eric.

He stated that Eric was going to order an Uber for him to his house and he’ll Uber him back at the end of the weekend trip.

Mind you, the Uber is about $110 one way.

Eric was also going to pay for all his food and of course weed for my boyfriend.

I felt super uncomfortable with this.

I had asked to meet with Eric just to feel him out.

We had another argument of where I let him know I wasn’t comfortable with poly yet.

He agreed to set up a dinner so we can meet.

The tension heightens as the boyfriend's 'date' openly disrespects the OP's role in the relationship.

My boyfriend asked me to drive him to Eric‘s house to see if that would calm me down.

I said yes, that would most likely calm me down and we can have that dinner with Eric.

Fast forward to the day of and we get in the car to drive to Eric’s house and he drops on me that we will just do a call and...

And so we do a phone call and Eric gangs up on me and starts asking me questions of why I need to meet his dates.

I let him know that I wasn’t comfortable and it would make me feel more comfortable in theory.

Eric stated that he has a husband and that I should not put myself through meeting these guys.

This did not sit well with me and I got super quiet on the phone call where my boyfriend asked me if I was gonna answer.

I felt very ganged up on and I said no.

I dropped him off to his weekend and left.

Eric did pay for gas, which was nice.

In the next month, he planned about two more dates with Alec and they were all on Monday.

He used that same excuse of forgetting.

A couple weeks ago he came back from his date and he was wearing all new clothes and jewelry and showing off what his date got him.

I felt very uncomfortable and I told him I am not comfortable with poly anymore.

I honestly tried and it is not for me.

My boyfriend has stated that I am overreacting and I am being unfair.

AITAH for this?

Community Opinions

The Reddit community was nearly unanimous in their verdict, with many users pointing out that this wasn't actually polyamory, but rather 'cheating with permission.'

u/PrudentConstruction3 You don’t have a bf. Drop his ass he’s playing with your time and emotions that man doesn’t care about you

u/CrystalMus_ NTA. This isn't polyamory, this is him cheating with your reluctant permission. He ignored your boundaries, forgot your birthday for a date, and let his ex-boyfriend gang up on...

u/pancakeface2022 NTA. this was very sad to read. Op you deserve better. Please leave. He’s a total ass and is treating you like garbage.

u/End_of_Fashn Honestly, tell your BF to beat it. He’s taking the piss.

u/Serious_Bat3904 Nah this is just his way of having his cake and eating it he’s cheating on you.

u/SparkleLifeLola Honestly, I would break up with him after all that. Poly is not for everyone, and I know it would make me miserable. It doesn't seem to be your...

u/HistoricalFudge3186 NTA Ok, maybe YTA to yourself for putting up with this. Doesn't sound like your boyfriend wants a relationship. He's still at a point where he wants to have...

u/thumb_of_justice Please, please raise your standards. Don't accept this kind of fuckery.

u/Forsaken-Equal9839 You have a single partner. You sound like a very affectionate guy being taken advantage of. Save yourself.

u/shangri-laschild Polyamory under duress never works. On top of that, he isn’t even actually doing polyamory or at least he isn’t doing it ethically. I’m not sure what exactly he...

u/EcoFeministWitch This sounds more like sugar daddies than a poly... You need to better understand your boundaries and feelings and stood by your side even when he gaslight you. Yta...

u/beccaj375 NTA and that's not poly! Your bf is a ho with your permission! Get rid of him

u/Sylkre first you tell us you stay awake on mondays after work and later you tell us you sleep in and sleep again in the afternoon, which one is it?

u/UnicornAllie Girl walk away! Is he keeping you hostage ? No ! He keeps cheating on you and then lies , that not poly from what I understand of poly...

While some users questioned the OP's consistency regarding his sleep schedule, the overarching sentiment was that he was being exploited by a partner who didn't value him.

It is clear that the emotional toll of this ‘experiment’ has reached a breaking point. While the OP attempted to be supportive and flexible, his boyfriend consistently prioritized external validation and gifts over established relationship boundaries. Whether this is a misunderstanding of polyamory or a deliberate act of manipulation, the current dynamic is clearly unsustainable for both parties involved.

Do you believe the boyfriend is genuinely ‘forgetting’ these milestones, or is he intentionally testing how much the OP will tolerate? And if you were in this position, would you have ended things after the forgotten birthday? Share your hot take below!

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