M31 Proposal to girlfriend f34 of 2 years gone horribly. Need advice?

The morning sun glinted off the balcony’s glass railing, painting a postcard-perfect scene for a life-changing moment. A 31-year-old man, heart racing with hope, knelt before his girlfriend of two years, offering a ring she’d chosen herself. Her delighted “yes” promised a fairy-tale start—until a single misstep unraveled it all. Ten minutes later, her joy turned to tears, not over the ring or the view, but a phone call he made instead of a three-hour drive.

What began as a dreamy proposal spiraled into days of heartbreak, with the ring returned and a holiday ruined. Her obsession with a “perfect” proposal left him questioning their future. This Reddit tale dives into clashing expectations, showing how love can stumble over the smallest details, pulling readers into a story of romance and regret.

‘M31 Proposal to girlfriend f34 of 2 years gone horribly. Need advice?’

Proposal to girlfriend of 2 years gone horribly Hi, I 31m proposed to my girlfriend 34f of 2 years recently. We were on holiday and I did it in the morning on our balcony with a great view. She had picked out a ring about 2 months earlier so she knew it was coming.

So I got on one knee, asked her to marry me and she was delighted and said yes. We then sat down and had breakfast on the balcony that I made. The problem started about 10 minutes later when she asked me when did I go see her mother about it (father not in her life, mother lives 3 hour drive away).

I said I didn't get an opportunity to visit in person, the ring only arrived a few days before the holiday, so I called her and asked for her blessing over the phone which her mother gave. This then led to my girlfriend to spend the rest of the day hysterically crying and giving out to me saying

I should have met her mother in person (just to be fair, she did mention I do it in person before) but it was so bad she ended up giving me the ring back and said to do it again another time. The following few days were the same, crying and giving out to me basically for not doing it right.

I honestly thought afterwards how can we not be engaged over what is to me a minor issue. And to be honest I'm really thinking about telling her I don't think I can propose again, which I know she would leave me as she is obsessed with getting married.

Any advice on what you think? I just can't figure this out, I feel embarrassed and honestly very hurt that having a perfect proposal supersedes being engaged to me?

A proposal gone wrong can feel like a punch to the gut, especially when it’s over something as seemingly small as a phone call. This Reddit user’s story highlights a clash of expectations, where a romantic gesture collided with rigid traditions. The girlfriend’s meltdown over not meeting her mother in person reveals deeper issues about communication and priorities in their relationship.

From her perspective, the in-person blessing might symbolize respect for her family’s role in her life. Yet, her extreme reaction—crying for days and returning the ring—suggests an inflexible vision of how love “should” look. The fiancé, meanwhile, feels dismissed, his heartfelt effort overshadowed by a minor logistical choice. This tension reflects a broader issue: according to a 2023 study by The Knot, 68% of couples argue over wedding planning due to differing expectations, often rooted in unspoken assumptions.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, in a Psychology Today article, notes, “Successful couples repair conflicts by validating each other’s feelings, even when they disagree.” Applying this, the girlfriend’s refusal to acknowledge her fiancé’s intent shows a lack of emotional repair, risking further strain. Her fixation on a perfect proposal may signal deeper insecurities about control or societal pressures around marriage.

For solutions, the couple needs an honest talk—not about the proposal, but their values and how they handle conflict. The fiancé could gently share his hurt while validating her feelings about family. If she doubles down, as Reddit users suggest, it may be time to reassess compatibility. Couples therapy, as recommended by The Gottman Institute, could help them navigate this.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a mix of wit, warnings, and tough love. The community largely sees the girlfriend’s reaction as overblown, with many urging the fiancé to reconsider the relationship.

Opinions range from calling her behavior irrational to warning about future conflicts over wedding plans or life decisions. Some suggest her focus on a “perfect” proposal overshadows the commitment itself, hinting at deeper incompatibilities.

tawny-she-wolf − Crying for DAYS over you not asking her mother for her blessing *in person*??. I'd run fast and far.

HereticsSpork − Ooof. If I was in this position there would not be a 2nd proposal ever.

[Reddit User] − Your gf is weird.. Does she behave irrationally and hysterically in other aspects of your life together?. This is such an odd unbalanced reaction tbh.

spirosoflondon − Lad this woman ruined your engagement and your holiday over something incredibly trivial why is your post not asking the best way to escape this relationship?

JP2205 − Just wait. You gonna mess up on the actual wedding details and gender reveals. Its gonna be a hot mess for sure. The wedding will most likely be ruined because someone got the flower colors wrong.

potenttechnicality − She's 34 and too adult to be behaving like a teenager with fantasies. She is not even trying to see that the proposal and wedding are as much about you as they are about her. I can't imagine planning a wedding with her.

Normally, this is between you and her. However, she's put her Mom dead center of the drama so use that. Call her Mom and tell her that she gave the ring back and why. Tell her that you're hurt and kind of offended at how disrespectful she has been of your feelings.

You're trying to sort out what to do from here. You ate NOT taking her rejecting your proposal lightly.. If her mom agrees with her, then I'm not sure this is a family you want to marry into.

Unless your girlfriend comes back with apologies and more adult behavior, I'd suggest you put the ring away and simply not discuss it further. The marriage fantasy is apparently more important than who she's actually marrying.

OkGazelle5400 − You need to seriously have a convo with yourself about how you want the rest of your life to look dude

[Reddit User] − You should be careful with women who are obsessed with getting married because most of the time they want a wedding, not the husband or to become a wife, a mother.

prisonlambshanks − Mate is this really someone you want to have a future with? To be your partner in life in everything?

chajamo − She had an image and expectations of what a proposal should look like. When it did not follow the script, she had a breakdown.. This is foreshadow of what the wedding and marriage would be like.

Unfortunately, life is not a movie script. Inability of experience life journey as it unfolds can be very stressful and meaningless. You can test this by talking about her expectations of wedding and marriage. Don’t argue about it just go through some what if situations.

This tale of a balcony proposal gone sour leaves us pondering: when does chasing perfection in love cross into missing the point? The fiancé’s hurt and the girlfriend’s tears show how fast expectations can derail even the sweetest moments.

Maybe it’s a wake-up call for them to talk—really talk—or a sign to rethink their path. Share your thoughts, stories, or advice below—let’s keep this conversation going!

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