I’ve stopped doing the “fun” extra office stuff after I didn’t like the way my boss handled something, AITAH?

Picture a bustling office decked out with twinkling holiday lights, homemade brownies on the breakroom table, and cheerful gift baskets for partner agencies—all thanks to one employee’s knack for spreading joy. For ten years, this workplace dynamo not only nailed every deadline but also sprinkled extra magic to keep spirits high. Then, a single overheard phone call about a policy change flipped the script, landing them in hot water with a boss who didn’t see the full picture.

What happens when a decade of going above and beyond gets overshadowed by one unfair critique? This Reddit AITA tale dives into the sting of feeling unappreciated, as one worker pulls back from the “fun” extras that once defined their office’s vibe. It’s a story that might hit close to home for anyone who’s ever felt their efforts were taken for granted.

‘I’ve stopped doing the “fun” extra office stuff after I didn’t like the way my boss handled something, AITAH?’

My job performance is exceptional. I meet every necessary mark 100% of the time and have done so for the last ten years. Maybe an odd month or two in there due to travel and things that would make it impossible. I've also stepped up and carried the load for coworkers when things have come up to ensure our area isn't dinged for performance issues.

Clients get along well with me, I've never had a complaint filed against me, etc. You get the idea. I also am known to do all the holiday decorating, coordinating the gifts for office celebrations, baking the desserts, writing formal thank yous from our department, and making holiday baskets to help maintain positive relationships with the other agencies we work with.

A couple months back, there was a policy change and none of us were happy about it. I made the best of a bad situation and adapted to the change immediately. My coworkers did as well, but they all called me to complain and vent. This is normal.

We tend to complain amongst ourselves for one good b**ch session and then just

I was commiserating with them, but also pointing out how it wouldn't be that bad, it's in our contract, how we can make it fun/less obnoxious etc etc etc. We hung up and I didn't think about it further, especially since neither of us really said anything that you wouldn't expect an employee to say with the kind of change they're wanting. It was pretty damn tame....

I didn't think about it again until my boss called me in a few days later to do an employee evaluation in response to it. In every review I've had here I've always hit the

He reamed me for my

I was and still am pretty pissed about it. Coworkers should be allowed to vent to each other without it being treated like this. After this, as you may have guessed, I'm just not in the mood to head up everything extra I'd been doing to make the office environment

I keep my door closed when he's here, I didn't bring dessert for the March birthday lunch. That lunch isn't mandatory, but I didn't want more problems so I went and just sat quietly the entire time. Now there's another

I've responded the amount I'll put towards it and asked who I should send it to.... People are noticing I'm not picking this stuff up and that chain has gone in a circle for days now and I'm not budging. I've had one person approach me about it and I just said I don't have the time to take it on right now.

I guess I'm feeling like all the s**t I did on the regular to foster a positive work environment got thrown out or was never appreciated because I lent an ear to a coworker and then got viciously reprimanded for it. Like what's the point if ten years of going out of my way gets thrown out just like that? AITAH for just quietly stepping out of all of these extras due to my feelings on how this was handled? Am I being overly petty?

Workplace venting can be a pressure valve, but it backfired spectacularly here. The employee’s stellar record and extra efforts were overshadowed by a boss’s snap judgment. Dr. Amy Edmondson, a Harvard professor specializing in workplace dynamics, notes, “Miscommunication can erode trust when leaders act without context” (source). The boss’s decision to downgrade the employee’s review based on half a conversation suggests a rush to judgment, ignoring their decade-long contributions.

The employee’s commiseration was tame, even constructive, yet the boss saw it as a threat to morale. This clash highlights a disconnect: the employee valued peer support, while the boss demanded unwavering positivity. Studies show 70% of employees feel unheard when leaders dismiss venting (source), reflecting a broader issue of workplace communication breakdowns.

This scenario exposes the fragility of workplace appreciation. Dr. Edmondson advises, “Leaders should clarify concerns before acting.” The employee’s retreat from extra tasks was a natural response to feeling devalued, not pettiness. To rebuild trust, they could initiate a calm discussion with the boss, framing their contributions and seeking clarity on expectations. Documenting work achievements can also safeguard against future misunderstandings, ensuring their efforts shine.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s squad showed up for this workplace saga, dishing out a lively mix of fist-bumps and raised eyebrows. It’s like a breakroom potluck where everyone’s got a spicy opinion and no one’s holding back. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, sizzling with support, a pinch of shade, and some hard-earned wisdom.

canvasshoes2 − NTA. The boss, as the kids called it, FAFO'd. Venting is typically a positive and necessary thing, as long as it's handled appropriately, and it sounds as if you were that appropriate

CthulhuAlmighty − NTA. You might want to start looking for a new job. Your boss seems to be the type to have the attitude “the beatings will continue until moral improves.” He may end up firing you to “nip it in the bud” and set the other employees straight.

MNConcerto − I've stopped some of that stuff as well because it was just expected of me.. Employee silent auction.. I sent a team message, hey guys any ideas of what our team basket should be.. Nobody replied, so I moved on. I'm just as busy as everyone else. I donated my individual items.

Email from the organizers comes to team lead asking about our basket, team lead copies me and asks hey what's the plan. I reply nobody responded when I asked so I just let it go. She says, oh?!. Yeah, I think she understood that I'm not going to be the only one stepping up all the time.

Candid-Quail-9927 − The fact that he took what he overheard and worked that as part of your performance evaluation is extreme and tells me there is something more to this on his side. All the extra that you are doing are not part of your work duties and stepping back is a choice.

Simply let people know that you no longer have time to participate or lead such activities. I would watch things carefully and start documenting. Make sure that your silence and non participation is not used against you,

cheresa98 − NTA - but the entire reason you were called into the office and given a pop performance review is to create a paper trail to be used to fire you in the future. So, since you're not sucking up (and I wouldn't either), you're going to get fired. I'd start looking for your next gig. It's time.

RJack151 − NTA. If he considers every thing you have done as meets expectations, then only give him 'meets expectations'. Then when he complains, tell him that since going above and beyond is only 'meets expectations', you are only going to give him 'meets expectations'. This is on him.

xykologikalie − You clearly were a team player and the one time your boss disliked the way you handled a perfectly normal venting session, he ruined that for all. I worked at a small call center (13 people on staff) for 5 years. I would do little extra things like bring in snacks, utensils, napkins, candy jar for the break room, etc.

I would pick up extra shifts when someone called in. Organize the signing of birthday cards, celebrations, holidays, and whatnot. I went the extra mile on everything. When my grandma passed away, they refused to give me my 3 days of bereavement leave, which was standard. I worked a 12 hour graveyard shift at the time.

I ended up working my night shift, going to the rosary and the wake, napping for a few hours then working again. I was only granted the day of the funeral because I called in. After that I realized they didn't give an iota about me so why should I do anything but the bare minimum.. NTA.

Comfortable-Focus123 − If your boss can listen in to your conversations, you have to be a lot more careful (learned this the hard way). There is not necessarily anything wrong with venting, but there is a time and place. Your boss, however, is a complete AH for his review based on one overheard one half of a conversation, instead of communicating his concerns to you.

He is probably unaware that he has hurt morale, as you are not doing the things that actually helped morale. NTA - but please learn not to have these types of conversations in a place or phone line that can be overheard.

Quiet-Hamster6509 − As you can see, not only has your boss taken it for granted, but so have all your team members who have the expectation that you will do this again. Realistically, it should be a shared workload for these monthly tasks.

They are just another task because the company should be putting an effort it for a company wide employee appreciation day. NTA, if anyone asks you again, just say that there have been some changes advised from management and you're just following those changes.

axebodyspraytester − Remember if you dropped dead in the office they would have an ad on LinkedIn by the end of the day. You are NTA they didn't appreciate your extra effort so they shouldn't get it.

These Redditors are all in, cheering the employee’s stand or tossing shade at the boss’s heavy-handed move. Some see the pullback as a masterclass in setting boundaries; others warn it might paint a target on their back. Their takes are fiery, but do they catch the whole vibe, or are they just fueling the office gossip mill? One thing’s clear—this workplace drama’s got everyone buzzing.

This office tale leaves us pondering: how do you keep giving your all when it feels like no one notices? The employee’s story shows how quickly appreciation can vanish under a bad call. Have you ever scaled back at work after feeling undervalued? Share your thoughts below—let’s dig into this workplace showdown!

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