I’ve (28F) lost weight and now I want to divorce my husband (29M)?

After years of navigating the challenges of new parenthood and battling postpartum blues, one woman’s journey took an unexpected turn. Struggling to regain her confidence after childbirth, she made the courageous decision to prioritize her health and well-being. However, the change in her physical appearance unexpectedly ignited a painful realization: her husband’s affection seemed conditional, and his past comments about her body left deep emotional scars.

In a relationship where unconditional love should be the foundation, the renewed attention he suddenly showered her with felt more like a reminder of past neglect than a true celebration of her transformation. This bittersweet awakening has left her questioning whether the love she once knew is truly there—or if it was always tied to her appearance.

‘ I’ve (28F) lost weight and now I want to divorce my husband (29M)?’

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

When significant life changes occur, such as the transformative journey of losing weight after childbirth, the expectation is that a partner’s love remains constant. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman explains, “When criticism erodes the emotional bank account of a marriage, even genuine efforts at change can’t erase past wounds.” In this situation, the conditional nature of the husband’s affection has left the OP feeling deeply unsupported during her most vulnerable moments.

The issue here is multifaceted. The OP battled the hardships of postpartum recovery, dealing with both physical changes and the emotional toll of baby blues, all while trying to adjust to a new way of life as a parent.

During this period, her husband’s unsolicited comments and suggestions not only undermined her self-esteem but also subtly signaled that his love might be contingent on her appearance. When she eventually took charge of her health, the renewed attention he provided was overshadowed by memories of his past indifference.

Dr. Gottman’s research highlights that for relationships to thrive, partners must consistently show empathy and unconditional support. Unfortunately, the OP’s experience suggests that her husband’s affection was more transactional than heartfelt.

His sudden change of behavior—buying flowers and offering gentle touches—comes off as reactive rather than a genuine, sustained effort to bridge the emotional gap that had formed over years. It raises the critical question: if his love is based on physical appearance alone, what happens when circumstances change again?

Broadening the lens, consider the broader societal issue where physical attractiveness is often overemphasized in relationships. Research indicates that while physical appearance might initially spark attraction, long-term relationship satisfaction relies heavily on emotional support, respect, and genuine care. For example, actress Demi Lovato has spoken publicly about the pressures of meeting societal beauty standards, emphasizing that true self-worth comes from within rather than outward appearances. Read more at NPR.

The OP is now at a crossroads, questioning whether a promise of change is enough to heal wounds inflicted by years of conditional love. Experts suggest that unless a partner demonstrates consistent, tangible change over time—backed by accountability and therapy—it may be unrealistic to expect a lasting transformation.

They advise that individuals prioritize their emotional well-being and consider professional counseling to navigate such deep-seated issues. Ultimately, the path forward should be one where respect, unconditional love, and mutual support are the guiding principles.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community’s responses were both candid and compassionate. Many commenters condemned the husband for making his love conditional, arguing that his behavior during the OP’s most vulnerable times set a precedent that is hard to overcome.

Others emphasized that physical transformation should never be a trigger for renewed affection if the emotional foundation isn’t strong. There was unanimous agreement that unconditional support is crucial in a marriage—especially after the emotional toll of childbirth and postpartum struggles. These opinions underscore that the journey to healing requires both partners to be fully committed to change.