I’m (37F) pregnant and my partner’s (36M) parenting schedule makes me want to break up?

Step into a cozy apartment, where a 37-year-old woman, newly pregnant, grapples with a relationship strained by her partner’s relentless parenting duties. His two children from a past relationship demand his evenings and weekends, leaving her feeling sidelined as their baby’s arrival looms.

When his ex’s strict ban on her presence near the kids and his failure to secure a stable co-parenting plan push her to the brink, she questions their future. Is she wrong to consider walking away, or is this chaotic setup unsustainable? Let’s dive into this Reddit tale, where a pregnancy amplifies the stakes of a tangled family dynamic.

‘I’m (37F) pregnant and my partner’s (36M) parenting schedule makes me want to break up?’

My partner and I have been together for a little over a year. He has 2 kids (10 and 8) from a previous relationship (they have broken up for 7 years now). We also just found out that I am 12 weeks pregnant. When we were first started seeing each other, he told me that the kids have never met a significant other.

I told him that I am okay with that for now but if we get into a serious relationship, that will need to change. After about 4 months of being together and talking about it several times, we took the kids to the fair and he introduced me as “an old coworker” - which was a lie.

We drop the kids off at mom’s place and mom finds out that I had met them and called him immediately, yelling at him and telling him that he can f**k whoever he wants but will not see the kids again if he brings them around me again. All of this was said in front of the kids. Since meeting them that one time, I have not been able to be around him when he is with the kids.

He has since tried to call her, text her, talk to her in person but she refuses and is only willing to communicate to him through his sister or through her eldest daughter (18). Every week, on Mondays he has to text the daughter to find out her schedule. She’s a nurse so whenever she is working, he picks up his kids and then drops them off around 8:30pm when she gets home.

We can’t really make plans in advance because we don’t know what her schedule for the week is like and sometimes when we do, we have to cancel because she switched her schedule and told him last min. We are now expecting a child of our own and I’m really concerned about this situation.

Some weeks, picks them up 3-4 times during the week, coming home around 9pm each night and also has them on the weekends, and on those weekends, I don’t see him at all. We currently live together so on weeknights he takes them to the park or to his parents house. On weekends, he usually stays with his parents when he has them.

I was okay with this but lately, since I have found out I’m pregnant, I’m getting very concerned. I’m not okay with him being gone that much when we have our baby. And then on some weekends we won’t see him at all. He also drives there early in the morning on some days to take them to their school activities or leaves work early to pick them up from their bus stop.

When the baby comes, I’m afraid he will barely be present but I’m conflicted because he has a responsibility to his kids. I’m not sure what to do. I feel like I’m alone and will be raising this child alone anyways but I’m in a relationship. Should I stay in this relationship or leave? Am I wrong for thinking he is there too much and won’t be here with our baby?

EDIT: I responded in a comment but still receiving a lot of questions: Responding here since a lot are asking if he is paying child support - he is and I have seen the direct deposits going to her account. He’s sending her $1800 a month for both kids. He said he will talk to her on Friday when he drops the kids off and if she isn’t willing to talk to her (he’s tried several times before), he will let her know that they will go to court.

If she is okay with the kids coming over to my house during his time, it fixes that issue. But because she is a nurse, her schedule isn’t always consistent. So she gives him her schedule every Monday and on days she is working, he picks them up from the bus stop and keeps them until she gets home. If she works the weekend, he keeps them all day..

I texted him this: Me: Also, what about her giving you her schedule on Mondays? And do you see you continuing to pick them up based on her schedule every week? Him: What can I do about it? How can I say 'no to her' my kids, your mom is working

and I won't come to take care of you. He thinks that going to court, he may see his kids less if it’s only every other weekend. And he would rather pick them up than have her get a babysitter for the kids when it’s not his court ordered days.

UPDATE: he tried to talk to the ex again on Friday but she texted him that she does not want to talk to him and whatever he has to say, he can just say it through text. He has his kids this weekend so he said he will text her on Monday. I live in a state that a**rtion is illegal but looking at options for out of state now.

Or have to start planning my next steps as a single mom. If anyone has advice or inputs on either decisions, I would greatly appreciate it. It’s too complicated now when the baby isn’t even here. It’s been months of him “trying” to talk to her. I’m tired. I’m done. Thank you for all the advice.

Blended families require delicate balance, but this couple’s situation teeters on chaos. The partner’s extensive time with his children, dictated by his ex’s erratic schedule and rigid rules, marginalizes his pregnant girlfriend. Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “Clear co-parenting agreements foster stability for all family members” (Psychology Today). The ex’s refusal to communicate directly and her control over access to the kids signal unresolved tensions, while the partner’s inaction—avoiding legal recourse—perpetuates the imbalance.

This highlights a broader issue: unclear custody arrangements strain new relationships. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Issues found 55% of stepfamilies face conflicts due to ambiguous parenting roles (Wiley Online Library). The girlfriend’s concerns about raising her child alone are valid, given her partner’s stretched commitments. Her exploration of options like single motherhood reflects pragmatic foresight amid emotional turmoil.

Dr. Heitler advises “legal mediation to establish predictable schedules.” The partner must pursue a formal custody agreement to ensure time for their new family. For the girlfriend, couples counseling could test his commitment to change. Her exhaustion underscores the need for resolution.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit dished out empathy and blunt advice, dissecting the messy interplay of co-parenting and new parenthood. Here’s the community’s unfiltered pulse on this emotional dilemma.

WildlyUninteresting − Why doesn’t he have a legal custody and support agreement?. That is the solution. He would have allocated legally assigned time.

z-eldapin − So for 7 years he has been at her beck and call, and you truly think this will change?

anon28374691 − Why are you having a child with this man? You have no business bringing another child into this mess. This man has already shown he doesn’t prioritize you and I don’t know why you are deluding yourself that he will prioritize your child.

Piilootus − This is a really understandable fear and it just won't work with kids. Different families have different parenting arrangements that work for them, but it sounds like here your and your child's position in his life is 'whatever time is left-over'.

It just won't work. It's also a red flag that apparently he didn't check with his kids mom that he was going to intorudce a partner to them and the co-parenting relationship doesn't sound very healthy.. Honestly, I wouldn't wanna bring a child into it either.

UsuallyWrite2 − I’m sure he told you that they had a great coparenting relationship….yeah, it’s great when he does what his ex wants and when.. It was extremely poor judgment to introduce you to the kids so early on. It was extremely poor judgment for him not to get a legal custody order because his ex can use the kids for leverage. I saw you say in another reply that he doesn’t want to go to court because of what she might say to the kids.

Well, that’s called parental alienation and judges don’t like that. They can assign a guardian ad litem to the kids and order therapy and if mom starts doing stupid s**t, she can be found in contempt. Personally, there’s no way I’d stay in a situation like this. And hey—if you leave, you can have a similarly “great coparenting relationship” and order him around. He clearly has no spine and no common sense.

Sel_drawme − Frankly I would’ve been exited this relationship.

Jo_Doc2505 − This might have been something to discuss bf you got pregnant

[Reddit User] − Get an a**rtion and run from this situation now.. Even if he goes through court this won’t be settled within 9 months, like no way. You’re always coming below Bio-kids (which is good because he needs to be) but also below this ex because he’s never reinforced proper boundaries. Legal council could have helped him years ago.. You won’t even have 50% of him if you have his baby.

2SadSlime − The amount of posts on here with people moving in together and meeting kids at the speed of light is really bizarre to me. Why would your bf introduce you to the kids without telling their mom? imo she was right to be mad about that. 4 months is absurdly soon and especially with no heads up.

There’s no justifiable reason to not have a custody agreement or for a parent to just put up with seeing their kids on the whims of the other parent. I don’t care if they had a “better” coparenting relationship previously, they should have agreed on something on paper when they first split up. Children need stability! They’re both doing a huge disservice to the kids

Jen5872 − If your partner wants to change their parenting agreement, whether it's formal or not, he needs to get an attorney and change the agreement. 

These Reddit takes are bold, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe the ex’s control stems from past betrayals, or the girlfriend’s doubts signal her strength.

This pregnancy saga brews a tough question: when does loyalty to a relationship give way to self-preservation? The woman’s urge to leave isn’t about dismissing her partner’s duties—it’s about securing stability for her unborn child. Families thrive on clarity, but this one’s mired in co-parenting turmoil. If you were facing a partner’s divided time, would you stay and push for change or chart your own path? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this Reddit drama!

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