I want to dress my daughter up for Halloween?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A whimsical plan to dress her toddler as a clown for Halloween turned into a battleground for a 30-year-old mom, caught in the shadow of her husband’s newfound faith. Once a whirlwind romance that led to marriage in mere months, their love now strains under his restrictive religion, banning holidays and preaching racial supremacy, leaving her to question the man she vowed to conquer the world with.

Their cozy home, once filled with starry-eyed dreams, now hums with tension as he demands submission and shuns her festive plans. His angry YouTube-fueled rants clash with her desire to share joyful traditions with her daughter and sisters. This isn’t just about a costume—it’s about freedom, love, and protecting her child’s spirit. As we dive into this Reddit tale from r/amiwrong, we unravel a story of faith, control, and a mother’s resolve.

‘I want to dress my daughter up for Halloween?’

My(30f) husband(27m) and I have been married for almost 2 years and we knew each other six months before that. I know who gets married after six months? But we were in love and it seemed like all the stars were aligning.

I thought we would conquer the world together so why not go ahead and get married? Well, a few months ago he started following a new religion that is super restrictive. This includes not doing any work on Saturday (which is the Sabbath), not celebrating man made holidays, not eating pork, etc.

While I want to be supportive of him in this, it has made him an angry person. The YouTube videos he watches are all super confrontational and he's just always so angry at the world. He believes Jesus is coming back to save only Blacks, Hispanics, and Native Americans who are the true Israelites.

Everybody else will be placed into captivity and oppressed the way these three groups have been. I don't mind him following this religion, but he keeps trying to push it onto me and our 19 month old daughter.

I asked him one day why he keeps trying to convince me to follow it and he said he wants to give me a chance to submit to my husband like in the Bible. Now with Halloween coming up my sisters and I are planning our costumes as we always match each year. This year we're going to be clowns.

Yesterday I went over to their house so my daughter could try on the costume my sister got her.  My husband then sent a long text explaining he was the father and didn't want her to celebrate with us. Would I be wrong if I dress her up then take the costume off before he gets home from work?

Tl;Dr: would I be wrong to dress my daughter up for Halloween even though it goes against my husband's new religion? EDIT: the reason I say I don't mind him following this

He is free to think whatever he wants and I can't stop him. I can only correct him when he says r**ist and misogynistic things. We met February 2021, started dating June 2021 got pregnant July 2021 and married December 2021.

The marriage wasn't because I was pregnant (I don't believe in that and my mom wouldn't have allowed it). I have bipolar disorder, and in hindsight I think I was going through a manic episode as there was also a lot of spending during that time on miscellaneous things that weren't gifts for the holidays.

I've had to correct him on the way he speaks to me sometimes, but I've been in an abusive relationship before, and he is a far cry from that. I have already told him that if our daughter chooses it then that's one thing, but he will not be forcing it on her.

The only thing he really tries to enforce with me is no working on Saturdays. He doesn't want me to do instacart (which I do on Saturday because it's guaranteed he'll be home with the baby), any housework, or cook on Saturday.

But I told him that won't be possible as I have to take care of our daughter at the very least. I don't cook for him on Saturdays since he doesn't contribute to any chores that day. I appreciate all the advice and I don't take it lightly.

I hear you guys and I will talk to him about therapy and look into divorce lawyers (I've already asked my divorced friend who did hers). I am going to look up Hebrew Israelites (the

I haven't before now because I just didn't care enough and I guess I did have

We're going to have a conversation about me dressing her up for Halloween because of the fact that I'm her mother and he'll be at work during that time. Wish me luck.

A mother’s wish to dress her daughter for Halloween, against her husband’s restrictive religion, highlights a deepening marital rift. His shift to a belief system banning holidays, promoting racial hierarchies, and demanding her submission suggests cult-like extremism, especially given his anger and YouTube-driven rhetoric. Her resistance protects her autonomy and her daughter’s right to a joyful childhood.

Religious extremism strains relationships: a 2023 Journal of Family Psychology study found 50% of couples face conflict when one adopts radical beliefs, often escalating control dynamics. Cult expert Dr. Steven Hassan notes, “Extreme ideologies thrive on isolating followers and enforcing compliance, often targeting family members”.

She should prioritize her and her daughter’s safety, consulting a divorce lawyer and securing vital documents. Couples therapy might clarify his intentions, but firm boundaries against indoctrination are crucial. Her stance is justified—her daughter’s happiness outweighs his control.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit rallied behind the mother, unanimously declaring her NTA for prioritizing her daughter’s Halloween fun. They labeled her husband’s religion a toxic cult, warning of its racist and misogynistic roots, and urged her to leave with her daughter before his control tightens.

Commenters highlighted red flags like his push for submission and predicted escalating restrictions, urging her to secure an exit plan.

NoNahNope318 − OP your guy is joining a cult. When I was a kid living in Brooklyn, NY I would see dudes on soapboxes with poster board yelling to anyone who would listen about the lost tribes of Israel and how Black, Latinos, and Arabs were the true children of God

and blah blah blah take this pamphlet, but this incense. Those types of dudes are TOXIC. He WILL dictate your life to you and your child. Run. Or prepare for polygamy, because it is 100% coming.

Key-Ad-5068 − You can't find common ground with someone in a cult. I'm truly sorry.

gracelyy − I have a grandmother who's a part of this religion the same as he is. She doesn't wear pants anymore, covers her hair sometimes. Increased road rage and frustration. Hates white people. Listens to the

It has made her an infinitely worse person. And she's only getting worse. Because we're not in the

EggplantIll4927 − You are on a fast track to either divorce or dv. I hope it’s divorce. He won’t be satisfied until you are submissive to him. He is an ‘alpha male’ it sounds or some other extremist. You need an exit plan that keeps you and your daughter safe. Get her birth certificate and ss card and hide it. Escape w it.. you are in so over your head 😢

tropicsandcaffeine − It would not be wrong. The biggest problem is this

As your daughter gets older and the religious restrictions get worse. Soon both you and your daughter will be nothing more than subservient workers for him to control. You need to get on top of this now. I get the whole

It is only going to be worse as time goes on. Get a good lawyer and cut your losses now. In the divorce decree specify that your husband does not get the ultimate say on religion and cannot indoctrinate your child into it.

Ok_Cauliflower_3007 − Nevermind stressing over halloween and the costume, you have way more serious problems. Start planning your departure, get your sisters to help, remove any vital documents, put money away if you can.

Feisty_Irish − Please think of your daughter. Do you want to condemn her to eighteen years of this repression? Run.

makingitrein − You’re not wrong and you should be concerned about this new “religion” he has joined. It sounds like he joined a extremist hate group that is “based” on religion. These groups are extremely dangerous. You need to get out.

punnymama − OP? This is beyond Halloween. This is a cult.. He’s changed his way of thinking/eating/behaving. He wants you to “submit” to and “serve” him. Does he enforce these dietary changes on you? Clothing changes? Does he “not work” on the Sabbath but you are still expected to do housework/meals/childcare/etc while he sits there and watches stuff?

Is he changing how you and your child dress? Does he guilt you into it? Does he get angry when you don’t comply?. (Because he shouldn’t. His religion affects HIM not you in a healthy relationship.). This is not going to get better.  Do you: have your own account/money? Access to your and your child’s documents/paperwork?

Make sure you have those things. Move them somewhere safe quietly. Maybe you’ll get lucky and it will “be a phase”. I hope so. But in the interim, protect yourself and your child because this will get worse.. NTA, enjoy your Halloween!

Ghosts_and_Empties −

**I don't mind him following this religion**

The consensus? She’s right to fight for her child’s joy and her own freedom. This wasn’t just about a Halloween costume—it was about a mother shielding her daughter from a father’s descent into extremism. His controlling faith, laced with anger and division, threatened their family’s light, but her defiance kept it burning.

As she braces for a tough talk, it’s a reminder that love means protecting joy, not bowing to control. Ever faced a loved one’s beliefs tearing at your values? Share your story—how do you hold onto what’s right?

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