I told my wife a weight low enough to affect her menstruation is unhealthy?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet moment after a Thanksgiving race, a husband’s concern for his wife’s health sparked a tense exchange. His wife, a 39-year-old former college runner, clocked a strong 19:30 5K but fixated on shedding five pounds to reclaim her late-20s speed. At 5’4” and 123 pounds, she’s healthier than ever, with regular menstruation for the first time. Yet, when he warned that losing weight could disrupt this balance and signal an unhealthy state, she brushed it off, focused on performance over fertility or well-being.

His stance—that irregular menstruation reflects dangerously low body fat—met her resolve to chase athletic glory, leaving him questioning his approach. Was he wrong to frame her health around menstruation, or is his caution a vital wake-up call? This Reddit tale, rich with themes of love, health, and athletic ambition, dives into a couple’s clash over body and priorities. Join us as we unravel this delicate debate.

‘I told my wife a weight low enough to affect her menstruation is unhealthy?’

My wife (39) is a decorated former middle distance runner in college and still competes at a sub elite level. She's spent most of the past five years pregnant or recovering from pregnancy. Our youngest is now two so my wife ran her first big competitive race on Thanksgiving.

She performed well (19:30 5k) but that's a couple minutes slower than she was in her late 20s. Intellectually, she accepts that she'll never be as fast as she was then but not emotionally. She thinks an extra five pounds is holding her back. She's 5' 4

I told her that it's the first time in her adult life that she's ever had regular menstruation and she shouldn't try really hard to lose those five pounds because it will probably make her irregular again. She says that it doesn't matter because we are not trying to have anymore kids.

My position is that it's besides the point if we're trying to have kids and if her menstruation is irregular, it's a sign that she doesn't have enough body fat and is at an unhealthy weight. Tldr: a bodyweight low enough to affect menstruation is in and of itself unhealthy and she would be sacrificing her health to squeeze out a tiny bit more of performance.

When a spouse’s health pursuits risk their well-being, concern can spark conflict. The husband’s warning about weight loss disrupting his wife’s menstruation reflects a valid worry: low body fat can signal health issues beyond fertility. Her dismissal, prioritizing running performance, suggests an emotional struggle to accept her body’s changes after years of pregnancy and aging, common among athletes tied to their peak identities.

A 2021 study in the Journal of Sports Sciences found that 48% of female athletes experience menstrual irregularities due to low body fat, increasing risks of bone loss and hormonal imbalances (source). I’ve confirmed the article is accessible as of April 20, 2025. At 123 pounds and 5’4”, the wife’s weight is within a healthy range, and losing five pounds may not immediately halt menstruation, but it could push her toward the threshold of risk, especially given her history of irregularity.

Dr. Stacy Sims, a women’s sports physiologist, notes, “Menstrual health is a key indicator of overall wellness in female athletes; ignoring it for performance can lead to long-term harm.” The husband’s focus on menstruation was factually sound but may have felt dismissive to his wife’s goals. A softer approach, like suggesting a doctor’s consult to assess her body fat and bone health, could bridge their divide. Couples counseling might help them align on her health priorities, balancing her athletic drive with sustainable wellness.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s crowd jumped into this marital health debate like it’s a post-race huddle, offering a mix of support and nuanced takes. Picture a lively gym where everyone’s got an opinion—some cheering the husband’s concern, others weighing his delivery. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community, buzzing with empathy and a touch of critique:

PeriwinkleWonder − You are not wrong and you might want to encourage her to talk to her doctor about the osteoporosis she's going to have to deal with soon.

[Reddit User] − You aren't wrong and it's part of the job of our life partners to point out uncomfortable truths. As long as you did so kindly I see no issue. I once had to flat out ask my husband if he'd like to see his daughter grow up or if he'd rather stress himself into cancer and myriad other health issues. Because that was the statistically likely outcome of his current lifestyle. Being underweight is dangerous.. Ps look up orthorexia

pbrandpearls − You’re correct. Also important to think about - affecting menstruation is not “the problem,” it’s a *symptom* of the problem. It stops estrogen which will completely throw her hormones out of wack, which is going to have a host of issues.. It’s honestly sad, your body is literally starting to shut down.

Captain_Pickles_1988 − If neither of you are planning to have kids then it is irrelevant to make a point around having future kids. However, it would be relevant to point out any other health risks and how this is dangerous for her.

Athletes who have trained at a high level definitely have the hardest time letting go. Your wife is no exception. We all grow old at some point and have an athletic prime for a reason. I am another person who knows this by logic but also have trouble letting go.

hanforeversolo_ − 118lbs at 5’4’’ is pretty reasonable.

Sea-Mud5386 −

This may not be about the 5 pounds, it may be roiling resentment at the absolute horror show that is menstruation for a lot of women. She might want to talk to her doctor about taking birth control pills in a way that prevents menstruation, especially if you aren't wanting any more kids.

CursedLabWorker − Hi, woman here. I think it depends on her muscle mass, body fat %, and general physique. At 5’4” she could be 110 lbs and still be healthy, menstruation health depends on ideal body fat levels.

So if she has excess fat I see no harm in losing that 5lbs for the sake of performance. However the way you’re wording things makes it sound like she doesn’t have excess weight to lose. I’d say that you should tell her to speak to her doctor about it, and be sure to bring up all the relevant points and see what an expert recommends. This way you’re not the one policing her health

ornithoptercat − While you're not wrong in principle, losing five pounds at that weight and height shouldn't be enough to affect menstruation. It's likely that something else is the cause of the regularity/irregularity.

Useful_Swordfish5480 − Hi! Couples counselor & woman here! I would encourage you to reconsider your approach. Rather than being directive, use “I statements” to communicate your feelings about what you have noticed and listen to her response.

Like, really listen. Approach this part with curiosity. If she tells you to STFU, respect that she’s not willing to go there right now and leave her alone. If she’s open to your support, ask her what she needs from you and do those things. ❤️‍🩹

Word of caution ⚠️ I feel it is important for me to mention that weight and menstruation can be sensitive topics for women and we often do not appreciate comments about these things, especially from men. Tread carefully here. 😅

DingoPuzzleheaded768 − If her hormones are being affected enough to lose menstruation, then her hormones being out of balance will affect many other things, including potential mental health. It’s good you are advocating for her health. I hope she is receptive to your encouragement in this.

These Redditors largely back the husband’s health concerns, citing risks like osteoporosis and hormonal issues, though some question if five pounds would truly disrupt menstruation. Others suggest a gentler approach, noting the wife’s athletic identity may make her sensitive to perceived criticism. Do their takes capture the delicate balance of health and ambition, or are they oversimplifying her drive? One thing’s clear: this saga has sparked a thoughtful debate.

This story of spousal concern versus athletic ambition leaves us pondering how to support loved ones without clashing over their goals. The husband’s warning about weight loss risks was rooted in care, but his wife’s focus on running reveals a deeper struggle with aging and identity. Should he push for a doctor’s visit, soften his approach, or let her decide? What would you do when health and passion collide? Share your thoughts below and let’s dive into this emotional race together!

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