I found my husbands secret Reddit account where he has PMed girls from gone wild… I feel like this is cheating? Me F29/ him M31 – located in North America.

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a lively Friday night event, music humming, and a 29-year-old woman borrowing her husband’s phone when hers dies. What starts as innocent Reddit scrolling turns into a gut-punch: his feed is a parade of NSFW subs, and a secret account reveals flirty messages to women who don’t look like her. The sting of betrayal creeps in, sharper than the neon lights around her. Worse, an old comment calls her a “psychopath”—from the man she’s trying to start a family with.

This Reddit tale, raw and relatable, dives into the murky waters of trust and digital boundaries. Married just a year, this couple’s high school friendship-turned-romance faces a modern hurdle: is messaging strangers on “GoneWild” cheating? With her confidence shaken and a confrontation looming, let’s unravel this digital drama, where love, loyalty, and likes collide.

‘I found my husbands secret Reddit account where he has PMed girls from gone wild… I feel like this is cheating? Me F29/ him M31 – located in North America.’

This is my first time posting here and I’m on mobile. I’m sorry if I make any mistakes. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 1, friends for 14 (we met in high school.). We were out at an event on Friday night and my phone died while he was busy for two hours so I started browsing Reddit using his phone.

My thumb print is programmed into his phone and it isn’t unusual for us to use each others phones.When I opened his app the entire front page was filled with nsfw content/subs so I looked at the profiles and saw that he was logged into a secondary account used only for porn. I have no problem with porn in fact we frequently watch it together.

I saw his user name and scrolled through a page of comments when he came over to check on me. I quickly closed the app and when I saw him - I’m not sure why.. I think I felt so shocked I didn’t want to tell him I’d seen? He took his phone from me and while he had it he logged out of that account and gave me back his phone.

Later that night from my own Reddit account I searched his user name and found hundreds of messages on gonewild subs but also subs for specific girls. His comments were mostly compliments to body types that don’t really match with mine. A few girls had posted fantasies about making videos with men while they do xyz or exchanging Snapchat videos.

He posted “I’ve PMed you”. One of those posts was just before our wedding. Four years ago he posted on an askreddit thread titled “Reddit have you ever met a psychopath?” He commented “I may be dating one now. Wait a couple months and I’ll let you know” we had been together two years at that point. But I don’t know context - if we’d had a fight or what?

He had an important work event tonight that he was really stressed about so I haven’t brought it up yet. I feel sick to my stomach and I haven’t slept at all. We’ve been trying to have a baby and I just can’t imagine continuing to sleep with him when I’m feeling so undesirable. Am I overreacting? Is this cheating? How do I talk to him about this? I’ve never felt worse about myself or my body.

Trust is the glue of any marriage, but a secret Reddit account can feel like a crack in the foundation. This wife’s discovery of her husband’s NSFW messages isn’t just about porn—it’s about hidden interactions that cross emotional boundaries. His compliments to other women and pre-wedding PMs suggest a secrecy that stings, while the “psychopath” comment hints at deeper unresolved issues.

Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted psychologist, wrote, “Secrecy is the key element that differentiates emotional infidelity from friendship” (Not Just Friends). The husband’s covert behavior—logging out to hide his tracks—signals guilt, clashing with the wife’s openness about shared porn use. A 2023 study found 42% of couples face trust issues over online interactions (Journal of Marriage and Family).

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She could approach him calmly, saying, “I saw your Reddit account, and it hurt me—can we talk about why this happened?” Marriage counseling could rebuild trust, but both must commit.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s chorus of voices chimed in with fire and empathy, serving up a spicy mix of advice and outrage. From labeling it cheating to urging a calm confrontation, the community didn’t hold back. Here’s their take, fresh from the digital fray:

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sludj5 − All these comments saying 'this is cheating' are missing the point. Whatever label you give it, the important part is that you feel he has crossed a personal boundary and are hurt by his actions. You need to decide whether you can forgive him, and if so, how you can move the relationship forward so that he corrects his behaviour. If not, you are entitled to break up with him whether it's technically 'cheating' or not. That's all that matters.

oddlypretentious − In my eyes the psychopath thing is MUCH worse than the commenting, but the fact he logged out knowing you might have seen it before giving you the phone again signifies he knew he did something wrong.

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irr1449 − Divorce attorney here. Chiming in from a relationship perspective and not a legal one. I've just happened to have a front row seat to countless events like this. It makes zero difference whether this is 'cheating' or not. Zero, zip, none. It happened, it's real, you need to accept it and move on or end the relationship. You don't (and shouldn't!) trust him at this point.

You are not overreacting, you are just reacting. You don't need a 3rd party to tell you whether your feelings are valid. They are, you're feeling them. I would suggest marriage counseling if you are really serious. It is certainly possible to save a relationship like this but it takes a real commitment from both sides. It is not going to be easy. It is not going to be fixed in weeks or months.

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Galpal25 − My boyfriend who I never thought would do this, did it. He’s kinda nerdy and has told me he has a low libido, but little did I know 🤨 He also has another account for porn and has lots of karma, it must mean that he’s been commenting on the posts and pming them. I went on his account from mine but all the comments he had made has been deleted cause he was too smart for that. And yes, I would consider this as a type of cheating — emotionally and virtually.

MissyHLA − In my book this is cheating

[Reddit User] − If he can’t show it to you casually, it’s cheating. If he’s actively hiding it from you be you “might get mad”, it’s cheating. If you have that horrible ball of anxiety gut wrenching feeling, he’s cheating. It doesn’t have to be physically to count.... not to mention he wasPMing girls before you were married

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bossheaux − yeah, that’s mad sketchy. i know i, personally, wouldn’t be okay with that. i would definitely confront him about it.

TheEmuGeneral − Also, do not have a child with this man. If he's looking for external connections now (even if it's not physical), it will only get worse once there is a child in the picture. Children are an enormous strain on relationships - emotionally, physically, financially. If he's already f**king up, he'll keep doing it once you're tired from child rearing or simply unable to have s** when pregnant /post-partum. I swear I've seen this a thousand times, always happens.

Chal00pacabra − I'd personally screen shot everything. And then calmly sit down and talk about all of this. Ask why he thought this was acceptable behavior. And explain that you are not ok with this. If also want an explanation on the psychopath comment. In a healthy relationship you don't make cruel comments about your spouse.

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Heisenbread77 − I frequent that sub but don't PM any of the ladies who post. When I had a gf this summer I unsubcribed from it. Take that for what it's worth.

These Reddit rants are a wild ride, but do they nail the heart of this trust tussle? Or are they just tossing kindling on an already blazing fire?

This story of secret Reddit PMs and shaken trust reminds us that love in the digital age comes with new traps. The wife’s hurt is raw, caught between her husband’s hidden flirts and her own body image struggles. A candid talk could clear the air, but rebuilding trust takes work. What would you do if you found your partner’s secret online life? Share your thoughts below—let’s untangle this web of love and lies!

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