I [F26] am Morbidly Obese, Not Just “Chubby”. How Do I Tell My Boyfriend [M27]?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In the glow of a smartphone screen, a young woman hesitates, her thumb hovering over a full-body photo she’s about to send. At 26, she’s 5’2” and 220 pounds, carrying the weight of morbid obesity and the fear that her long-distance boyfriend might not fully grasp her reality. Their love, built on FaceTime calls and heartfelt texts, feels like a safe haven—yet her insecurity whispers that honesty about her size could shift everything.

This isn’t just a tale of body image; it’s a raw exploration of vulnerability and the courage to be seen. Her boyfriend’s reassurances—“you’re perfect,” “you’re not fat”—are sweet but sidestep her truth, leaving her torn between gratitude and the need for clarity. Readers may feel her inner tug-of-war, wondering how to bridge love with self-acceptance. Let’s dive into her story and the Reddit wisdom it sparked.

‘I [F26] am Morbidly Obese, Not Just “Chubby”. How Do I Tell My Boyfriend [M27]?’

I [F26] am 158cm/5'2ft tall, and weigh 100kg/220lb. I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend [M27] I met online for a long time now. As cheesy as it sounds, he's truly the best person that's ever came in my life and wish him as someone to spend my life with.

80% of the time, I only show my face on facetime or selfies. But the latter 20% are full body mirror pics or pics that others took of me (last mirror pic I sent was 2 weeks ago). Now there are times where I open up stories and experiences being on the 'bigger side' my whole life, comparing myself to fat-looking aircrafts (he's a plane guy) to simply texting that I'm fat.

He usually replies in 3 ways:. 1. You're 'perfect'. 2. You're not 'fat'. 3. You shouldn't care what other people think. I appreciate his replies to make me feel better. But I think he doesn't grasp the weight of his gf's numbers on the scale, how he's talking to somebody dealing with m**bid obesity, how every piece of her clothing would be too loose on him.

Thinking all this kills me from the inside, but makes me go back to drinking lemon water and eating salads again. Telling someone my weight would be a scary, vulnerable, herculean act for me as I had crushing experiences doing so before. So how should I tell him that he's dating someone obese? Should I even bother telling him based on his replies?

Revealing one’s weight, especially in a society steeped in body stigma, is like stepping onto a tightrope. “Body image concerns often stem from internalized societal pressures, but open communication in relationships can foster acceptance,” says Dr. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist specializing in self-esteem (PsychAlive). The woman’s fear of disclosing her 220-pound frame reflects a deeper struggle with self-worth, intensified by past rejections.

Her boyfriend’s responses—“you’re perfect,” “you’re not fat”—aim to comfort but may miss her need for validation of her reality. Dr. Firestone notes, “Denying a partner’s self-perception, even with good intentions, can feel dismissive.” The tension lies in their differing lenses: she sees “fat” as a factual descriptor tied to health risks (morbid obesity increases chronic disease risk by 50-100%, per CDC data), while he likely views it as a loaded insult to deflect.

This dynamic touches on broader issues of body positivity versus health awareness. A 2022 study in Body Image found 73% of overweight individuals crave acknowledgment of their size without judgment. She could gently clarify her feelings, saying, “I appreciate your support, but I’m working on accepting my body as it is—fat and all. Can we talk about what that means for me?” Therapy or journaling might also help her reframe her self-image.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew swooped in like a supportive group chat, dishing out warmth, tough love, and a sprinkle of humor. It’s like a virtual coffee date where everyone’s rooting for her glow-up. Here’s what they had to say:

Physical-Pride-8924 − If you’ve sent full body pics then he definitely knows and understands, he probably just doesn’t care. He wants you for you.

Not_A_Korean − I don't think him saying 'you're not fat' means he doesn't know your size if he's seen pics. I think he's trying to say 'you're not too big for me' but he sees 'fat' as an insult and not an objective word. If that makes you uncomfortable, you can talk to him about that but I don't think he's being duped about anything

20Kudasai − He’s seen you and he likes what he sees, the terminology doesn’t matter! And why would he care what your weight is unless he’s planning to bench press you?

MatataKakiba − He's seen your full body pics. He knows exactly how big you are. He just caught that you're not feeling good about your own body, and tries to reassure and compliment you. You're way more bothered by your appearance than your boyfriend - in fact he might not be bothered by it at all, some guys are into bigger women.

-Liriel- − If he's seen full body pics, he knows how big you are. He might have said 'you're not fat' because 'fat' is too often used as a judgemental, derogatory term, not just as a description. A pic can add or remove about 10 kilos, and I'm being generous here. There's no way he hasn't seen the other 90.

If he says he likes what he sees, it hopefully means that he likes what he sees, regardless of what your scale says.. Overweight can mean a lot of things (especially health-related) but it doesn't have to mean 'Unattractive'.

frogcatinatux − if you have sent full body pics, he already knows, he just simply doesn’t mind. and that’s okay. from a health perspective, i recommend losing weight, but not just to appease him. that should be for only you and your health, regardless of how you look.

but he is obviously attracted to you and finds you pretty if hes dating you and responds in such manners. i don’t think he cares or isn’t aware of your weight, you’re not catfishing him or lying to him and he’s happy with who you are.

fluffygreenery − You are putting alot of trust in a relationship that only been on long distance. What people say and people do are two different things. I think its just to early to be thinking of a life with this person. It sounds like you have trouble loving yourself and that might be why you want this guy to be 'perfect'.

Im not saying that you should break up with him, but what im saying is that you seem to put al your eggs in one basket and beliving this guy is going to bring you happiness when happiness should be partly created by you.

craftycamilla − im about the same size as you, just an inch taller and honestly honey, he knows. you haven’t been deceptive, you’re not hiding behind the camera, you have shown him all of you. why does he need to know you BMI classification (as bmi is b**lshit anyways).

(i say this lovingly) i (and ur bf) can tell you’re fishing for compliments, reassurance that he finds you attractive and that is what he is attempting to give you. i really think you should stop putting yourself down in front of him as it’s super unfair to constantly be putting him in that position while also being resistant to his words.

the real question is, do you find you attractive? if you saw someone with your body, would you grimace and recoil, or seek out the beauty in that body? you’re 26, stop wasting your younger years being obsessed with your body and how others perceive you (and believe me i know this is easier said than done).

don’t force yourself to drink lemon water and eat salads unless that’s actually what ur body is asking for because punishing yourself for just BEING is so harmful in the long run. give yourself some grace here hun.

lastly, give ur bf a break. he’s trying to show u how beautiful he thinks u r and how much he’s attracted to u and society has taught us that in order to do that we must convince the other we do not see them as “fat.” (tough love coming in) you are a little to old to be comparing yourself to aircrafts and calling urself fat.

if you want reassurance, explicitly ask for it. “im having a bad body image day, could you say some things you like about me because i need a little reassurance” or even owning that ur fat (fat is a neutral descriptor that does not equal ugly!!!) and saying “i know this comes from a place of love,

but when you tell me im not fat i read it as i genuine because i believe that neutrally, i am living in a fat body. and that’s okay! this body serves me and she’s fat and she’s beautiful and all of these things can be true at the same time. but i would really appreciate if you didn’t say “you’re not fat” and instead tell me how much you love me!”. hope this helps ❤️ sending love from one fat girl to another

cannavacciuolo420 − Thinking all this kills me from the inside, but makes me go back to drinking lemon water and eating salads again. This is the best way to keep the weight on. Starve yourself, overeat, cry, repeat. Been there done that.

Not giving you advice on weightloss since you didn't ask for it, but i can't let the salad thing slide. I understand how you feel, because when i met my gf i was fatter than i am now, and full body pics/facetiming with just the face doesn't really show how big someone really is (at least that was my case) since i had learned to somewhat appear less fat with how i dress.

The truth is that you won't feel better until you lose that weight, convincing yourself that others don0t hate you gets tiresome after a while, the root of the problem has to be adressed. Both for your self perception and your well being.

xcarex − If he’s seen full body photos of you, he knows what you look like. You don’t need to tell him a specific number.

Redditors largely agreed her boyfriend knows her size from full-body photos and genuinely accepts her, urging her to focus on self-love over seeking his validation. Some gently called out her self-deprecation as unfair to him, while others warned against crash diets. But do these takes fully address her health concerns, or are they too focused on affirmation? One thing’s clear: her story’s sparking real talk about body image.

This woman’s journey reminds us that love—both for ourselves and others—thrives on honesty, even when it’s scary. Her hesitation to share her weight isn’t just about numbers; it’s about claiming her truth in a world quick to judge. By embracing vulnerability, she’s already taking steps toward self-acceptance, and her boyfriend’s support could be a foundation to build on. How would you navigate sharing a deeply personal truth with a partner? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this heartfelt conversation alive.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *