I broke up with my gf because she asked me to marry her?

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A late-night phone call, tinged with the buzz of a few drinks, unravels a young romance. After just four months, his girlfriend suggests marriage to fix their financial woes and her student visa limits, but he smells a motive—citizenship.

Her push to move in together reignites his doubts, ending in a heated breakup. Readers feel the sting of trust tested, drawn into a story of love clouded by suspicion, much like .

‘I broke up with my gf because she asked me to marry her?’

I’m pretty sure it’s just the post break up loneliness but I’ve been thinking about it a lot the last few weeks. I 25m had been dating this girl 26f for 4 months. I know it wasn’t a long relationship but I really think she was the most amazing person I have met. She is on a student Visa while I am a US citizen.

We had a conversation where i complained I overspent last year and had a bit of credit card debt that was delaying me buying a house and a new truck and she complained her student visa only let her work 20 hours per week which was not enough to make her university fees and everything else she needs.

So she needed to work for a care home that payed cash to people in her situation. And her care home knew this and would under pay and over work employees for that reason. So a few days later things seem off and then we have a two hour fight over the phone where she says both our problems would be solved if we get married so she can get citizenship we can split everything she can work a legit job and we can both save up.

I said no cuz it was only four months. And marriage isn’t on the table for me yet and I’m not comfortable with that. And she says it doesn’t matter if we marry now or in 2 years like I want and it doesn’t matter cuz if I love her I’d marry her. Also if she just wanted citizenship she could marry other people but she loves me. So we take a day break and start talking again apologize.

We talk and go one a date but I can still tell something isn’t the same. And a few days after this date I had a few drinks at home. I wasn’t wasted but feeling it a bit and I ask her if she can go to our MLB game date I bought tickets for. She tells me her schedule and it sounds like it’ll still work.

And she says she wants to ask me a question and asks if I will move to her town and get an apartment with her. I said no I just renewed my lease that month so I had a year till my lease was up. And I wasn’t preparing or ready to move. She asked if I could break my lease.

I said not really and asked why she asked and her response was that I said “I didn’t want to get married till I had lived with my SO a little bit” (said this a while before our fight). And well I got upset “why are we still talking about this?” And I started thinking she only wanted me for citizenship and things.

And she said she didn’t mean it that way and I was over reacting but I said I was done I wasn’t going let her take advantage of me the way she wanted and I haven’t talked to her since.. Been thinking maybe I overreacted cuz I had a few or maybe it’s the loneliness kicking in again.

Edit: she just got done with her first year of Uni so she had 3 ish years left. And I never meant 2 years as a hard date for me to get married to someone. Just as an estimate. Maybe it takes a bit longer maybe a bit less time. I just want to date someone for a bit longer than a year before I decide.

Her marriage pitch hit like a curveball—practical on paper but loaded with red flags. After four months, suggesting a wedding to solve visa and money issues feels more like a transaction than a vow. His refusal, fueled by unease and later alcohol, reflects a deeper trust gap. Let’s break it down with expert perspective.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Trust is built through consistent, small acts of care, not grand gestures with hidden motives.” Her proposal, framed as a win-win, ignored his need for time and emotional readiness, while her follow-up about moving in seemed to exploit his earlier comments about cohabitation before marriage. He saw love; she saw a solution. His fear of being used for a green card isn’t baseless—U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services flags rapid marriages, with 60% of post-student-visa unions facing scrutiny, per a 2023 report.

This ties to a broader issue: immigration’s strain on relationships. A 2022 Journal of Social Issues study found that 45% of couples with visa disparities face pressure to rush milestones, often eroding trust. Her insistence, even after a cooling-off period, amplified his doubts.

Advice: Reflect, don’t reconnect. Dr. Gottman suggests journaling to process emotions and clarify if loneliness is clouding judgment. If he reaches out, a frank talk about pacing—not accusations—could clear the air.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit hive mind brought the heat, mixing cautionary tales with empathy, like a barstool debate among friends. Here’s what they said:

ReiEvangel − NTA it sounds like she just wanted you for her green card and I don’t think you overreacted at all. It is not very likely that after four months you two would know each other well enough to get married.

Oscars_Grouch − I don't think you're wrong. There are a ton of stories out there of people getting married so their partners can get green cards only for the partner to them afterwards. In many countries they have a clause that says you must stay in a real relationship for 2-3 years or risk deportation. Marriage fraud for green cards is a real thing. You never know, she could have been in your relationship for the long-haul, but 4 months is too soon to have such discussions.

Ok-Rule7537 − Wy is everyone so sure that she didn't love you? It really shows the dark side of people sometimes in posts like this. You shouldn't marry her because you are ready, but don't assume the worst of someone you had feelings for. At least she was honest about what she wanted.

NJ2CAthrowaway − When they interview her (and you) for the green card and citizenship, they will go hard with questions about why you got married after only being together four months. It will suspicious as hell to them.

[Reddit User] − I think she loves you and wants a green card. Her reaction is her wanting the green card trumping her love for you. The green card want side of her is rushing and pushing you beyond your comfortability. The love side would trust in what you have and grow at a pace you're BOTH comfortable. I don't think you're wrong in what you did. She needsnto slow down and trust you and what you both have, if she can't do that...

FoggyDaze415 − You sound pretty young so I would def say NTA and tell you not to get married even if there was no green card question.. Since there is the GC question - Speaking as someone who went through the immigration of their spouse process:

1) getting married doesn't automatically get you a green card that day. Once you are married You have to apply for the card, which takes time and money. the person applying for the card cannot work during that application time and if she was caught working under the table she would be in serious trouble. Green cards are NOT cheap.

2) you have to prove this is a real relationship for a GC which involves showing that you have a lease together, that you have shared bills, that you have met each other's families, etc. Do you have any of that? I had a stack of paperwork 10 inches tall pricing my relationship. Plane tickets from trips, photos, copies of my mother's Christmas letter where she made references to my SO, and so much more.

3) you will have to remain legally married for I believe 3 years. If you divorce before that she will be deported or have to prove you abused her if you sit before that.. 4) you would face legal issues if the gov decides this was a fake marriage for a GC.

Finally, just a note from a personal perspective - I was with my SO for 3 years when we got married and started the work to get him a GC and it was a B**CH and a half because he had to prove he was not doing what your GF did. Every

Far-Cup9063 − You didn’t over-react. At 4 months, I can’t believe she’s demanding marriage. Throw this one back.

WoolenSquid − NTA, you were her fast track to a green card by everything you stated here. It wasn't about you it was about citizenship

marseroberts − NTA. You aren’t ready. Forget all the debate about the green card…if you were ready to marry her, you wouldn’t be asking this question. Plenty of fish in the sea…find the one you know is the right one…and marry her.

[Reddit User] − Nope, you didn't overreact. She wanted to go in a direction you weren't ready to go, you said no, and she continued to push it. Her motivations are immaterial. She disregarded how you felt, and she made it clear that she would continue to put her own needs ahead of your feelings.

That's not a recipe for good outcomes. You're not a means to an end, and you're right to say so. It's also way too early for her to be pressuring you to make big, consequential decisions about the relationship.

These takes lean hard into skepticism but spark a question: was her love genuine, or was the green card the goal?

His breakup, born of a rushed proposal and nagging doubts, underscores the delicate dance of trust in love. Four months wasn’t enough to bridge their goals, leaving him to wonder if he misjudged her heart. Have you ever faced a partner pushing big steps too soon? How did you handle it? Drop your stories below and let’s unpack the messy truth of love, timing, and hidden motives.

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