I backed out on a date because he said he doesn’t drive?

A sunlit lake beckoned, but a woman’s first-date joy turned to doubt. At 38, she’d warmed to a Tinder match’s clever texts and rural roots, driving eagerly to their neutral meetup spot. Then, a text jolted her: he didn’t drive and pushed for her to visit his remote farm instead. The lake’s calm ripples contrasted with her unease, as his secrecy sparked distrust.

Her excitement faded, replaced by caution—was this a simple mix-up or a red flag? Readers sense her wariness, wondering if she dodged a risky situation. This Reddit-fueled saga of a canceled date captures the sting of broken trust and the weight of instincts in modern dating’s unpredictable dance.

‘I backed out on a date because he said he doesn’t drive?’

I (38F) met this guy (28M) on tinder a few months ago. He texts were intelligent and polite and he was super patient with me when I said I wasn’t available to meet immediately. Even though he lives kinda far away, We share a lot of common interests and have many things in common, including that we both live in the countryside away from the city.

I finally made time and agree to meet. He suggests me coming to his farm where he an his family live. I say that sounds cool but not for a first date- let’s meet somewhere neutral and public. I suggest the lake and he says ok. I give him specifics about what beach to go to. He’s fine with it and say he’s excited.

I text him that I’m on the way, and he asks if I can go to his house first “because he doesn’t have a car at the moment.”. I’m like, “what, why didn’t you tell me this before I was literally already driving to our date?” He apologizes and says he’s super sorry and embarrassed about the situation.

I ask some follow up questions and find out that he also does not have a license and never has had one, although “he is working on it.”. I cancel the date. Edit: wow I had no idea that the average American was so afraid of farms. Makes me feel safer, seeing as I live on one.

First dates are like tightrope walks—thrilling but precarious, especially when trust wobbles. This woman’s story underscores the importance of upfront communication, particularly in online dating. Relationship expert Dr. Alexandra Solomon notes, “Authenticity is the foundation of connection; hiding key details erodes trust before it begins” (Dr. Alexandra Solomon’s Blog). Here, the man’s last-minute revelation about not driving, paired with his push for a private meetup, understandably spooked the OP.

Living in the countryside, where cars are often essential, his lack of a license isn’t the issue—it’s the secrecy. A 2023 Pew Research study found 59% of online daters prioritize honesty about logistical details like transportation (Pew Research Center). His insistence on the farm, despite her clear boundary for a public space, suggests either poor judgment or ulterior motives, amplifying her unease.

Dr. Solomon advises setting clear expectations early. The OP could have proposed a rescheduled date at the lake, testing his willingness to arrange transport. For future dates, she might ask about logistics upfront to avoid surprises. This saga highlights a broader truth: transparency builds safety and connection. By canceling, the OP honored her instincts, a move worth celebrating.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s diving into this rural dating drama with gusto, tossing out theories and quips like confetti. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

BestLilScorehouse − You are not wrong. It's less about not driving and not having a license than the fact that he waited so long to drop it on you. He couldn't get someone to drop him for the first date? That's a little sus, making me think it was a ploy to get you to the farm.

[Reddit User] − Your not wrong. I think you almost got abducted by a cult. I’m mostly joking.

Morrighan1129 − While I disagree with the people saying he's a loser for not driving (lots of people don't drive, for many different reasons), his insistence on trying to get you to his house makes it really off-putting. Like, if he had been up-front,

Evening-Target1447 − Odd that someone in the countryside never learned to drive and has no car. IM in the city and I got my license late but im 28 and ive had it for 2 years now.. ​. Id almost think theres more to the story... im guessing he has a DUI or something.

Kayquie − You're not wrong for canceling the date. Unfortunately, I know someone like the guy mentioned whose narcissist parents wouldn't teach him how to drive or let him move out of the house even though he was _30_. While I pity the guy, he also never took steps to help himself. I couldn't remain his friend. There's no way I could date someone like that.

TipsyBaker_ − I would be more concerned that he tried again to get you to his remote family farm after you said no. What's he really trying to do?. I've seen that m**der show episode. No thanks.

NahTooPersonel − It isn’t so much that he doesn’t drive as he didn’t tell you that he didn’t have another way to get to the date.. Pretty weird to expect you to drive him and to not be upfront about that.

[Reddit User] − You’re not wrong. It was odd he waited to tell you until you were on the way. It also is dangerous to meet someone for the first time at their house or somewhere private.

chestnutdumper − You’re not wrong. You didn’t cancel because he doesn’t drive, you canceled because he’s dishonest and manipulative.

ThrowRARandomAsker − Yeah you’re not wrong. He should’ve told you a long ass time ago that he doesn’t drive

These Redditors are serving suspicion with a side of humor, but are they onto something, or just scripting a countryside thriller? One thing’s certain: this tale’s got the internet hooked.

This lakeside letdown proves that even the best-laid date plans can veer off-road when trust takes a hit. The OP’s quick exit might’ve saved her from a sketchy situation—or at least a logistical headache. Have you ever bailed on a date over a red flag? What would you do if a match sprung a last-minute curveball like this? Share your stories and hot takes below—let’s keep this convo rolling!

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