I [33f] read my husband’s [37m] journal and in it he says that he hates me and hopes I die.
In this deeply unsettling update, a 33-year-old wife reveals that she read her husband’s personal journal—something she’d never done before—and discovered entries where he expressed hatred toward her and even wished she would die. This revelation came during a particularly rough patch in their four-year relationship.
Although the journal also contains warm messages and self-reflections, the explicit statements of animosity have left her questioning whether this was merely venting or a sign of a far more dangerous mindset. Now, facing the prospect of an unsafe future for herself and her baby, she is torn between her love for him and the alarming implications of his private thoughts.
‘I [33f] read my husband’s [37m] journal and in it he says that he hates me and hopes I die.’
When private writings reveal messages as severe as “I hate you” and even wishes for death during moments of vulnerability, experts warn that such expressions should not be dismissed lightly. Dr. Lundy Bancroft, a well-known expert in abusive relationships, has noted that expressions of extreme negativity in private communications can be early warning signs of deeper issues.
In his work, Bancroft emphasizes, “When a partner’s private thoughts include wishes for your demise, it’s not simply anger vented in the heat of the moment—it’s a signal that there may be underlying plans for control or abuse.” This sentiment, echoed by professionals across relationship counseling fields, underscores the importance of not ignoring such red flags.
The complexity in this situation is evident. On one hand, the journal contained several entries filled with anger during a particularly dark period in their relationship—a time when emotions were running high and conflicts were frequent. On the other hand, the husband’s subsequent messages of affection have left the wife questioning if these expressions were just an unhealthy outlet for stress. Experts point out that while venting can be a normal coping mechanism, the use of such extreme language—especially wishing for a partner’s death—should prompt serious reflection.
Furthermore, research in interpersonal dynamics indicates that private writings often reveal true feelings that may be masked during public interactions. This disparity between his harsh journal entries and his later warm messages raises concerns about inconsistency and potential manipulation.
Relationship counselor Dr. Sarah Johnson explains, “When someone oscillates between extreme negativity and affection, it can create an unpredictable environment that undermines trust and safety.” Her advice is to take time, reflect, and seek professional guidance to understand whether these patterns are fleeting expressions of stress or markers of a more dangerous behavior pattern.
Moreover, establishing personal boundaries is crucial. The wife’s decision to remove herself and her baby from the situation is a clear step toward safeguarding her emotional and physical well-being. Experts recommend that when confronted with such contradictory behaviors, individuals prioritize their intuition and take all necessary steps to ensure their safety. Whether it leads to a temporary separation or a more permanent decision, these actions are not impulsive but are rooted in the need for self-preservation and clarity in a relationship that appears to be teetering on the edge.
Ultimately, the expert consensus is clear: extreme private expressions of hatred and the wish for a partner’s death—regardless of context—are serious indicators that deserve attention. They serve as reminders that healthy relationships are built on consistent, respectful communication and mutual trust. When these foundations are compromised, it’s essential to seek professional help and reassess the dynamics at play, ensuring that both parties can either work toward healing or, if necessary, part ways safely.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
The Reddit community is deeply divided but largely supportive of the wife’s decision to seek space and protection. Many commenters argue that such explicit statements of hate and ill-will are clear red flags and should never be taken lightly, urging her to prioritize her safety and that of her baby.
Some users draw parallels to cases of domestic abuse where early warning signs were ignored, while others warn that if her husband’s true feelings are emerging—even in private—it could foreshadow future violence or emotional manipulation. A few voices note that while venting in a journal can be therapeutic, the specific content she discovered goes beyond healthy expression and might indicate an underlying desire for separation or even replacement.
In conclusion, while the husband’s subsequent warm messages and attempts at reconciliation might suggest that the hurtful journal entries were a product of a turbulent moment, the explicit nature of his words cannot be ignored. The wife’s decision to take time for herself, seek professional advice, and create a safe space for her and her baby is both understandable and necessary.
What are your thoughts on handling situations where private writings reveal such extreme sentiments? Have you or someone you know faced similar red flags in a relationship? Share your experiences and insights—let’s discuss the best ways to safeguard ourselves and our loved ones in times of emotional crisis.
