I (32M) left my husband (32M) a couple of weeks ago. He said I was being “cruel” and “all about myself.” I need advice on how to approach next steps, divorce?

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In a quiet moment of clarity, a 32-year-old man packs his bags, leaving his husband of 1.5 years after a string of painful truths. His newfound happiness, hard-won through therapy, clashes with a marriage marked by blame and disconnection, leaving him torn between guilt and freedom.

This Reddit story dives into the raw aftermath of a broken bond and the weight of divorce decisions. Ever left a relationship that no longer fit who you’ve become? Join us as we unpack a man’s journey to reclaim his joy and chart the road ahead.

‘I (32M) left my husband (32M) a couple of weeks ago. He said I was being “cruel” and “all about myself.” I need advice on how to approach next steps, divorce?’

I had been with my partner for over 2.5 years and we were married for about a year and a half. We met in the city we were both living in the US at the time but about 6 months into our relationship he faced expedited removal when re-entering the US from a vacation and was deported back to his home country and banned from the US.

That was obviously very traumatizing for both of us and we both showed up for each other through that experience. I think it brought us closer and I travelled back and forth to his home country in Asia to visit. We eventually decided to get married and work with an attorney to resolve his case and bring him back to the US.

We got married last year and were long distance for a little over a year before I decided to leave the US and spend time with him while we waited his visa to process. Looking back, I think it was a mistake to get married before living together but nonetheless that was the decision we made under very stressful circumstances.

This year that we have been together has been difficult. I have struggled Complex PTSD for my entire adult life and that has obviously shown up in our relationship, but I have been in therapy and doing a lot of work on myself. When my issues showed up in the relationship, I always tried to take accountability and work through them.

I believe he has trauma as well and I have been trying to get him to see a therapist for 1.5 years and he had not until recently. The issue is that he never took accountability for his actions or behaviors that hurt me. Our s** life has not been good for quite some time, even though the rest of our relationship remained solid and contained a lot of joy and playfulness.

In the beginning, he blamed me for our issues. Saying it was because I was not neat enough and good enough at keeping my things in the apartment organized or washing my dishes quickly enough. This is something I have been actively working on, and I would say improved by about 80%. I have some moderate executive functioning difficulty and have been trying to overcome it.

After this got better, he said he felt I was not independent enough, well I was living in a foreign country that I did not speak the language so of course I depended on him quite a bit to get around but I worked on this too and was able to learn enough to run errands and go about my routine without his help.

Of course, our s** life didn't improve and in fact his mood seemed to worsen. A few months ago I went through a lot of intensive EMDR and it forever changed my own inner world and view of myself. I have been so happy, confident, and resolved I would say 90% of my triggers. However, this seemed to make my relationship with my husband worse rather than better.

He did finally start seeing a therapist recently that specializes in EMDR and after the first couple of sessions said a lot of really hurtful things to me. He said he identified that his pattern was that he dated people he felt were broken and needed to be 'fixed' because it made him feel needed. And now that I am happy and independent he doesn't feel needed.

WTF, he had complained just a couple months previously that I wasn't independent enough. *And he said that seeing me so happy actually makes him unhappy.* What he was saying made a lot of sense. He has been avoiding me and when I see him come home I can see that his energy just changes when he sees me.

He took a 2 week trip with a friend without me during a time where we were supposed to be looking for a new apartment and he was supposed to be prepping for his US visa interview. We ended up having to move out of our apartment without a place lined up and he was rejected at his visa interview.

After all of this, I said I wasn't sure I wanted to commit to another chapter with him and I needed some space to think about things. We took a couple of days apart in separate AirBnbs and then I texted and told him I wanted to leave to a nearby country that is more English speaking and easier for me to navigate while I clear my head.

He said he wanted to meet before I left to talk, I agreed. When he shows up, he was radiating negativity and he asked about our future. I said I did not feel we were really in the same spaces in our lives right now and not compatible to be together. I told him that I am feeling really good about myself for the first time and want to live a happy life, not be in a relationship where we fight all the time and someone who thinks so little of me.

He called me cruel and all about myself for not wanting to stay and work on our relationship. But to me, it just felt there was no foundation left. He didn't want to spend time together or even sleep in the same bedroom. We don't communicate well and there was no happiness left. I don't understand why he even wants to be in a relationship with me after the things he said.

I just don't know how I could be in a relationship with someone who only got together with me because they felt I was broken. Yet, part of me feels guilty for not having patience and sticking with him while he works through his own therapy. \*sigh\*

It feels like I made the right decision for me, but I feel bad for hurting him despite everything. The longer we are apart the more guilty I feel. We are married and I need to figure out my next steps. Advice on how to approach things from here would be appreciated.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Marriage demands mutual growth, but for this man, it became a cage for his newfound strength. His husband’s refusal to own hurtful behaviors—blaming him for intimate struggles, then admitting he only loved “broken” partners—shattered trust. The man’s progress, overcoming Complex PTSD through EMDR, should have been a shared victory, but instead sparked resentment, with his husband admitting happiness made him “unhappy.”

This dynamic signals emotional incompatibility. The husband’s shifting complaints (from messiness to dependence) and avoidance (solo trips, separate bedrooms) suggest manipulation or unresolved issues, as Reddit notes. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, states, “A partner’s rejection of your growth can erode the foundation of love” (The Gottman Institute). A 2024 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found 65% of divorces cite emotional disconnect as a primary cause (Wiley Online Library).

The man’s journey mirrors others, like a teen escaping her sister’s shadow, where breaking free meant defying limiting expectations. His guilt, though natural, shouldn’t overshadow his right to thrive. The husband’s “cruel” accusation flips the narrative, dodging accountability.

What’s next? Consult a divorce attorney to understand legal steps, especially given international complexities. Therapy can ease guilt and reinforce his self-worth. If reconciliation is considered, it hinges on the husband’s consistent change—unlikely without deep work.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit rallied with blunt support, urging the man to prioritize himself like a lifeline in a storm. Here’s what they had to say about his bold exit.

Daakuryu − Run and don't look back, dude's basically been gaslighting you and using you as a doormat.

ISD-444 − Go back to the US.. Being in your own country will clear your head.

PlaidyLady − Sounds like you did the right thing.  Stick to your choice, trust yourself, and good luck!

lonly25 − The same way he told you, you were broken. Tell him his Visa program is broken.. Girl he is using you, run from this guy.

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Talk about a thread sharper than a breakup’s edge! These Redditors are Team Self-Worth, but can their advice guide the path to divorce? One thing’s clear: this man’s ready to rebuild!

From a crumbling marriage to a guilt-tinged escape, this man’s story shows the courage it takes to choose yourself over a broken bond. His next steps—divorce, healing, or both—are a testament to resilience. Ever walked away from a love that dimmed your light? Drop your thoughts below—what’s your advice for navigating the road after leaving?

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