I (31M) am conflicted about my fiancée (28F) wanting her ex to walk her down the aisle, thoughts?

A hush settles over the wedding venue as the bride appears on the arm of someone unexpected. The groom watches, heart tight with uncertainty—this man was once her partner, not her family. In that moment, grief and tradition collide, and what should be a joyous walk down the aisle feels fraught with unspoken questions.

For the bride, losing her father left a deep ache she still carries. Her ex-boyfriend supported her through that loss, and she believes having him “give her away” is the closest she can come to honoring her dad’s memory—yet the choice stirs both comfort and tension.

‘I (31M) am conflicted about my fiancée (28F) wanting her ex to walk her down the aisle, thoughts?’

“Reinventing wedding traditions allows couples to honor what matters most to them,” says Sara Bauleke, wedding planner at Bella Notte. She explains that the walk down the aisle need not follow a century-old script; instead, it can reflect the unique bonds and losses each family carries.

From the groom’s perspective, having your fiancée escorted by her ex can trigger insecurity and even jealousy—emotions that are entirely normal. Walking someone down the aisle symbolizes trust, familial blessing, and the handing off of responsibility. When that role falls to a former partner, it naturally raises questions about boundaries and whether past intimacies might cloud the moment.

Grief adds another layer of complexity. Losing a parent leaves many searching for rituals to feel their presence. Yet psychologists warn that transferring that role to an ex may conflate past emotional support with present commitment. Rituals help anchor memory, but blending roles risks muddying the clarity those traditions aim to provide.

Bauleke suggests creative alternatives: perhaps a joint procession that includes the groom, the bride, and her ex, or inviting the ex to give a heartfelt reading rather than serving as escort. “If the tradition feels sacred, find a way to share it without sidelining either partner’s comfort,” she advises—a reminder that personalization need not sacrifice harmony.

Ultimately, clear communication—and, if needed, guidance from a grief counselor—can help the couple craft a ceremony that honors the bride’s father while protecting their marriage’s foundation. By exploring options together, they can ensure both partners feel heard, respected, and ready to walk forward side by side.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous:

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality?

Weddings are a tapestry of traditions, emotions, and personal histories woven together in a single day. While grief may drive unconventional requests, it’s vital that both partners feel secure and supported. Have you faced a wedding-day dilemma like this? What creative ritual would you design to honor a lost loved one while keeping your partner’s comfort front and center? Share your thoughts and stories below!