I (29F) refused to let my MIL (63F) be present while I give birth. We think she’ll try to show up anyway – how can we stop this?

Pregnancy glow meets family tension for a 29-year-old woman facing her mother-in-law’s bold demand to join her in the delivery room. Imagine a lively family party, chatter filling the air, when the mother-in-law’s request lands like a bombshell.

The expectant mom, craving a calm birth, firmly declines, sparking drama and fears of an uninvited hospital visit. This Reddit tale dives into her fight for boundaries, with expert insights and Reddit’s take illuminating the clash.

‘I (29F) refused to let my MIL (63F) be present while I give birth. We think she’ll try to show up anyway – how can we stop this?’

Two years ago, I (29F) married my long-term boyfriend (29M) who I've known since high school. I've also known his mother (63F) a long time as a result. My relationship with her runs hot and cold - she has an overbearing personality and I often get the sense she feels threatened by me in some way.

She's a single mom and while she has two other daughters, she seems to regard my husband as her favorite. Her attitude towards mental health are also questionable - I was diagnosed with autism last year, and noticed a significant shift in how she was with me.

Think 'there are no mental illnesses, only people with excuses' and that's about her mindset. Sorry to ramble, but I wanted to give context about what she's like to start off with. We don't tend to see her as much now we're married.

My husband made an effort with that, because while he still loves her, his mom's relationship with all three of her children is difficult. I am currently seven months pregnant, and when we announced it to the family, his mom was overjoyed.

She made a big fuss of her son 'becoming a daddy', and went nuts buying expensive baby things - items she would keep in her home so 'her grandchild could visit' without talking to us about that first. We felt this was a major overstep and made us uncomfortable, so my husband spoke to her and she backed off.

Recently though, my husband and I attended a family party that my MIL also went to. During the evening she took me aside and asked if she could be in the hospital room with me when I gave birth. I definitely didn't want this - I get o**rwhelmed easily, and birth is going to be stressful enough.

I only want my husband there, to reduce any risk of getting so stressed I just shut down. Throwing my MIL into the mix would absolutely not be a good idea. I politely explained that I planned on only having my husband with me, and explained my reasoning.

My MIL told me it would be a momentous occasion for her, and emphasized how much she wanted to be there. I took a deep breath and explained again that I did not want anyone there but my husband. She resorted to begging me to let her be present, and when I still refused, she rolled her eyes and scoffed at me before walking away.

She gave me dirty looks the rest of the party. Cut to the next morning, and my husband is bombarded with messages not just from my MIL ranting about how bad of a DIL I am, but from extended family imploring me to reconsider. Apparently my MIL went crying to several family members about being 'banned from the delivery room'.

She went on to tell my husband and extended family that she'd still show up, but just sit outside and come in when the baby's born. I hate the idea of this, and even then I know she'd just bust into the room anyway. My husband is furious with her, as are his sisters (who I actually get along great with).

My problem is I don't know how to actually prevent her from trying to get into the delivery room. I'm distraught because this means I'm going to have extra stress when I'm giving birth, anticipating her coming in. She's overstepped so many boundaries but this is the last straw.

The stress of all this is making me sick. Do you guys have any suggestions on how we could prevent this from happening? Is there anything we as a family could say or do to stop it? I'm so scared she'll show up and cause a huge scene and make it all about her while I'm having my baby.

Childbirth is a deeply personal milestone, and for this expectant mother, protecting her mental space during labor is paramount. Her mother-in-law’s push to be present, despite clear refusals, underscores a clash of boundaries and expectations. The mother-in-law’s behavior, from buying baby items for her own home to rallying family against the decision, suggests a need for control that disregards the mother’s needs.

Perinatal psychologist Dr. Shari Lawson notes, “A calm birthing environment is critical for maternal well-being. Stress during labor can complicate delivery and recovery”. For a woman with autism, like the poster, minimizing sensory overload is especially vital. The mother-in-law’s insistence risks disrupting this delicate balance, prioritizing her own desires over the mother’s health.

This situation reflects a broader issue: family dynamics during pregnancy. A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 45% of expectant mothers report boundary violations from in-laws, often linked to differing views on autonomy. The mother-in-law’s dismissive attitude toward mental health may fuel her resistance to the boundary.

To maintain peace, the couple should register privately at the hospital and inform staff of their wishes, ensuring no uninvited visitors. Open communication with supportive family, like the husband’s sisters, can reinforce their stance. Setting firm boundaries now lays the groun

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community rallied behind the expectant mother, emphasizing her right to a stress-free birth. Commenters urged her to keep her labor plans secret, register as private at the hospital, and alert staff about her mother-in-law to prevent any intrusion.

Many saw the mother-in-law’s behavior as a pattern of overstepping, with some humorously dubbing her a “boundary-stomping drama queen.” Others praised the husband’s support, suggesting he handle any hospital confrontations to shield his wife. These candid takes highlight a consensus: the mother’s peace comes first.

MaggieLuisa − You tell the hospital staff who you do and don’t want allowed in. They’re not going to just let people waltz into the room.

NJtoOx − Don’t tell her when you go into labor, or anyone on her side who may slip and tell her Tell the hospital staff that you do not want anyone else but your husband in the room when you’re giving birth and tell them about your MIL specifically. You get to decide who is in the room, if you don’t want MIL there she cannot come. End of story.

stiletto929 − Don’t tell her or any of her flying monkeys when you go into the hospital to deliver. Also tell the hospital she is *banned.* They will keep her away.

emilouwho687 − Ok so there's nothing stoping her from going to the hospital and THINKING she will get to see the baby. Let me tell you what will actually stop that: 1. Your husband tells her one more time in no uncertain terms that she is NOT invited to the birth.

She is NOT invited to wait in the hospital. She will NOT be seeing the baby- in fact there will be NO visitors until the parents are home (this can be a lie, who cares if she finds out later). And if she does try and do any of these things she won't get to see the baby for a month.

2. When you get to the hospital tell the staff that 'MILS name' is NOT to be allowed anywhere near your room or your baby.. 3. Give them her picture at the front desk and at the nurses station in the L&D wing

4. Speak calmy to nursing staff that there is someone who will try and come up uninvited and it is very important to your stress levels and wellbeing that she not be allowed near you or given any info.

5. If she does somehow decide to may her way to the hospital waiting room or try to wander near the L&D ward- this becomes your husband's problem and you will get to remain blissfully unaware. He will need to have stern conversations with her and hospital security away from you.

He's just grabbing more ice chips or a snack, and you are none the wiser to any drama. His job is to handle her. And if she does somehow get into the room- call the nurses staff IMMEDIATELY and have her removed. You may feel tired or disoriented but this if your first chance to be mama bear- tell her to leave, tell her to get away from the baby.

But trust me- hospital staff HATE when mom and baby get upset. It makes their jobs harder and they are happy to tell uninvited visitors to leave. Also- please talk this concern through with your OB at your next appointment.

They will be able to reassure you of hospital protocols or share information with you to make you feel better about the situation. Edit- you can also register as anonymous with the front desk. So they can’t even tell her that you’re there. And also- just don’t tell anyone when you go to the hospital.

Tiredmama6 − Register as Private at the hospital. Tell your OBGYN that you do not want her there and advise the hospital staff when you go in for delivery. Also don’t tell anyone that you’re in labor. Good luck!

ljm3003 − Don’t tell her the baby has been born until you’re all back home. Yes she’ll cry but that’s her problem. At least you’ll be able to give birth in peace

Tunnock_ − How could we stop her? She can only come to the hospital if she knows you're there. When the time comes, don't tell her you're in labour. Don't tell anyone that could tell her either..

You only want your husband there so there is no need for anyone else to know about it. If you're worried about the fall out afterwards, you let your husband tell her that it all happened so fast and there was no time to tell anyone as he was supporting you.

Subspaceisgoodspace − The hospital staff are used to dealing with these kinds of family drama. Simply tell them to keep everyone but your husband out and they will.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 − Don't share that you are in the hospital with anyone but hubby if you go into labor. If you ha e a scheduled induction or C-section keep that under wraps as well. Unless she is staking out you home or hospital she can't just show up if she has no idea of when to go.

[Reddit User] − Hospital won't let her in if you tell them you don't want her there. Problem solved. 

This childbirth drama reminds us that becoming a parent means drawing lines in the sand, even when family pushes back. The expectant mother’s resolve to protect her delivery room is a powerful step toward prioritizing her well-being and her baby’s arrival.

With her husband and sisters-in-law in her corner, she’s poised to navigate this challenge, but the specter of an uninvited guest lingers. Have you faced family boundary battles during a big life moment? Share your experiences—let’s keep the conversation going!

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