I (28M) found out my son (5M) isn’t biologically mine. My wife (27F) is trying to use our son to stop me from divorcing her. How should I proceed?

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A bombshell confession from his mother-in-law left a 28-year-old man’s world in tatters: his 5-year-old son, the heart of his life for years, isn’t biologically his. His wife’s affair with a customer, uncovered by a DNA test, shattered their seven-year bond, pushing him toward divorce despite her pleas to stay for their son’s sake. Caught between love for the boy he raised and the haunting face of the affair partner, he’s charting a path forward with a trust fund and a letter for the future, all while his wife paints him as the villain abandoning their family.

This isn’t just a story of infidelity; it’s a gut-wrenching dive into trust, fatherhood, and the messy aftermath of betrayal. As he navigates his wife’s manipulations and his own heartbreak, it’s a raw tale that resonates with anyone who’s faced a life-altering truth and the tough choices that follow.

‘I (28M) found out my son (5M) isn’t biologically mine. My wife (27F) is trying to use our son to stop me from divorcing her. How should I proceed?’

I'll get straight to the point. I (28M) discovered that my wife Kat (27F) who I married 2 years ago but have been in a relationship with for 7 years cheated on me and that our son Lee (5) is not biologically mine. I was given the revelation by my MIL. I would otherwise never have known because my wife and I are an interracial couple and our child is biracial.

Just turns out the affair partner and bio father is also the same race as me. According to her, my wife confessed to her mother a year ago out of guilt. MIL wanted my wife to tell me directly but I guess after failing to do so for a year she took the initiative to tell me herself.. I took a DNA test and have confirmed that my son is in fact not mine.

I have confronted Kat who confessed to everything. AP was a regular customer from her retail job. She claims it was a once-off from a moment of weakness and that she never loved AP and that she ended things years ago. I looked up AP who has a public facebook profile and the my son's physical resemblence to him is extremely apparent.

MIL has pleaded with me to stay and try to make things work. I've considered and I just don't think I have it in me to stay in the relationship. Last week I consulted a lawyer to initiate divorce. Where I live it is no-fault divorce so Kat's infidelity is pretty irrelevant, but I do have a pre-nup for all my pre-marital assets (I inherited quite a lot from my grandfather who passed away when I was 21).

So it's mostly just the marriage assets that will be divided. I have also instructed my lawyer to attempt the process of removing my name from my son's birth certificate. Now I am not a monster. I love my son but looking at him I now can't get affair partner's face out of mind each time I do. I will seek counselling but there's a good chance this isn't something I can ever get over.

I will not completely abandon him though, I currently plan to set up a trust account for him with a third party administrator so I don't have to be personally involved. IMO he's too young to understand so I've simply told him that his mother and I have fallen out of love (which is partly true because the revelation has killed my love and affection for Kat).

That said I have written a letter which I have given to my MIL to give to him when he's older which will explain my side of the story. I have always had a good relationship with my MIL and trust her judgement on when that time will be appropriate.

Kat unfortunately is making this process difficult by telling him that she's still in love with me and wants me to stay so I likely just look like a dad who is just leaving for no reason. So this is my dilemma. My wife is accusing me of abandoning my son because I refuse to forgive her and stay to try to make the marriage work for his sake.

She is unwilling to tell AP about his bio son because in her mind AP is not the real father and she does not want AP involved in her son's life. Wife has said she's not in love with AP and is calling me immature for not wanting to take an active role in his upbringing anymore.. What should I do in regards to my wife Kat and my non-biological son Lee?

The revelation that his son isn’t biologically his has upended the man’s life, with his wife’s infidelity and her refusal to involve the biological father compounding the betrayal. His decision to pursue divorce, protected by a prenup, reflects a clear need to prioritize his emotional well-being, while his struggle to see his son without envisioning the affair partner highlights the deep psychological toll. His wife’s tactic—telling their son she still loves him to guilt him into staying—borders on emotional manipulation, unfairly burdening a 5-year-old.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: the impact of paternity fraud on relationships. A 2024 study by the Journal of Family Issues found that 20% of men in similar situations experience severe trust issues, often leading to relationship dissolution (https://www.tandfonline.com). The wife’s refusal to acknowledge the biological father’s rights further complicates the child’s future, potentially depriving him of his full identity.

Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert in family estrangement, notes, “Betrayal like this requires boundaries to heal; staying in a manipulative dynamic can worsen trauma” (https://www.drjoshuacoleman.com). The man’s plans—a trust fund and a letter—show care for the child while protecting his own mental health, though counseling, as he intends, will be crucial to process his grief and redefine his role.

To proceed, he should continue communicating through his lawyer to avoid direct conflict with his wife, as Reddit suggested, and consider informing the biological father via legal channels to ensure the child’s rights are addressed. Therapy can help him navigate his complex feelings toward his son, possibly exploring limited contact if his emotions shift. Copies of the letter should be secured with his lawyer or trusted friends, ensuring it reaches his son regardless of his mother-in-law’s circumstances. Focusing on his healing and future will help him rebuild a life free of deceit.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users overwhelmingly supported the man’s decision to divorce, viewing his wife’s infidelity and manipulation as unforgivable. Many praised his trust fund and letter as thoughtful ways to support his non-biological son without forcing himself into an untenable role, though several advised safeguarding the letter with others besides his mother-in-law to ensure it reaches the child.

Some urged him to inform the biological father, citing the man’s right to know and the child’s need for clarity, while others cautioned about legal complexities. The community saw his wife’s accusations of abandonment as a guilt tactic, encouraging him to stay firm in his boundaries.

CreativeMight3128 − I would continue what you're doing, but with one change, I wouldn't trust that letter to your MIL. You never know what could happen. She could pass, or your STBXW will find it. Give copies of your letter to a few people you trust and your lawyer with instructions to give to him when older.

Aloreiusdanen − First stick with the divorce. Once the trust is broken, you can't ever get it back. On top of the fact that not only did she destroy you, she destroyed the little boy. She's a horrible person for that. Second, with regards to the little one. This is a tough one.

You've raised him for 5 yrs, feelings, memories all those things you did together is hard to erase. The fact that you want to create a trust and wrote a letter for when he is older is pretty cool. Especially how unhinged your soon to be ex is. Who knows what lies and crap she will fill his head with once you are gone.

So that's a really good plan you put in place with the MIL. Wish I could give better advice. I know there are other subreddits for just this situation. You might find better answers there with people who've gone through the same thing.. Best of luck!

Grouchy_Software963 − Let the AP know they have a right to know... Then get out, you have delt with crazy for long enough, you have a right to be happy and start your own family.

Taylor5 − Dude you are actively doing the correct thing in divorce. Your MIL is the boss. you need to listen to you lawyer and only communicate through them. block them all from this point further, Actually, get a second phone and number, keep an old phone with your current number activated until divorce is finalised.

That way she will only contact on that and you dont have to worry about harassment I would also ask you lawyer their advice on contacting AP and letting him know about the child, because this could get very messy otherwise. If you are planning to set a trust up for the kid, i would suggest a second copy of the letter held with the trustees.

Im not saying MIL wont keep her promise, but what if she becomes ill or gets hit by a bus, her estate would be given to daughter and if she finds the letter do you believe she would be honest and keep it for her son?.

Has422 − I’m not going to tell you what you should do. I will only say that your wife does not get to tell you how you should feel or act in this situation. I would not lose a moment a sleep over what she thinks you should do.

murphy2345678 − You should tell the AP he has a son. He deserves to know.

jimmyb1982 − Divorce her. No chance in hell I would stay.. UpdateMe

Classic_Average_5964 − She is truly worthless!

Browneyedgal21 − Go ahead with the divorce. Try for visitation with the child. The wife needs to file for child support from the child’s father. Be sure the judge knows the paternity situation.

Separate-Parfait6426 − Divorce the wife. With you non-bio son, do you think that there is any way that you can think of him like a nephew? He is old enough that he is going to feel abandoned by you. Would it help to think of him as a stepson? If you decide to stay in his life, you need to have very clear legal boundaries with your ex.

This devastating tale of a father learning his son isn’t his captures the raw pain of betrayal and the strength to forge a new path. The man’s steps—divorce, a trust fund, and a letter for the future—balance his heartbreak with compassion, even as his wife’s manipulations complicate his exit.

It’s a stark reminder that truth, however painful, demands tough choices. Share your thoughts—how would you navigate such a betrayal, and what’s the best way to balance love for a child with personal healing?

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