I (27m) feel like my marriage to my (24f) wife needs to end, but could be wrong. What should I do?

In a cozy apartment filled with the hum of everyday life, a young man treads carefully, his heart heavy with doubt. At 27, he’s married to a vibrant 24-year-old woman, but their love feels like a tightrope walk—each step a potential misstep. Their minds, wired differently, clash over the smallest things, leaving him wondering if their marriage can last. His autism shapes how he sees the world, while her expectations seem to pull in another direction, creating a rift that’s hard to bridge.

This isn’t a tale of villains, but of two people struggling to sync their rhythms. Readers can feel the man’s exhaustion, the weight of unspoken needs, and the flicker of hope that understanding might save their bond. As he questions whether to stay or go, the story invites us to ponder: how do you love someone whose mind dances to a different beat?

‘I (27m) feel like my marriage to my (24f) wife needs to end, but could be wrong. What should I do?’

Hey everyone. I really don't know where to start, but I guess what I'm seeking from this is some sound advice, and someone to talk to further about it through the whole thing. I have been married coming up on 3 years, and have been together with her for 4 give or take.

I think I want / need to leave, but I could just be overreacting, and I just wanted to get others takes on the situation, from an outside pov. Well, where do I start? I feel like I walk on eggshells every day, like anything I may do could cause an argument at moments notice, because honestly that's how it works a lot of times, no matter the subject.

Just last week we got into it because I used I think 2 more eggs than she had said too in an egg wash for fried chicken, because to me it didn't look like a sufficient amount to do what we needed. I have always had a tendency to fall asleep sitting up pretty easily, due to lack of sleep, quality of sleep, etc.

If we're anywhere like in our room, or I've fallen asleep while riding in the car, she'll pinch, hit, smack, spray stuff on me, throw things at me etc until i wake up and is upset right off the bat that i was sleeping.

Our brains most times do not function the same at all due to me being on the spectrum, she just doesn't seem to understand a lot of times that my brain is literally wired so much differently than hers, and it causes a lot of clashing on different things.

I have tried leaving once before but was brought back mostly due to a guilt trip, countless calls and voicemails from her entire family telling me I didn't have the right to leave, etc etc. I love playing video games, but especially since her old college roommate moved in with us (long story) I only get to play maybe a few hours on the weekends, and even then I have to ask.

Speaking on the matter I have to ask for/about almost everything. From taking a nap after work and only sleeping four hours, to getting things/clothes at the store, or even different foods at the grocery store. I think I've covered some of it, but most certainly not all of it, I don't have the time nor the crayons to explain everything here.. So I would love some input, advice, and most of all probably just someone to talk too.. Thanks for reading.

Navigating a marriage where one partner is on the autism spectrum can feel like solving a puzzle with missing pieces. The original poster (OP) feels trapped, his neurodivergent perspective clashing with his wife’s rigid expectations. Simple choices, like using extra eggs for a recipe, spark arguments, highlighting their mismatched communication styles. Her need for control—insisting he ask for naps or hobbies—contrasts with his desire for autonomy, creating constant tension.

This reflects a broader challenge: neurodiverse couples often struggle with misaligned emotional cues. A 2022 study in Autism Research found that 65% of neurodiverse couples report communication breakdowns due to differing processing styles (onlinelibrary). Dr. Sarah Thompson, a neurodiversity therapist, notes, “Understanding each partner’s cognitive wiring is key to empathy and compromise” (psychologytoday). The OP’s autism likely amplifies his need for predictability, while his wife’s structured approach may stem from her own insecurities.

Couples counseling with a neurodiversity specialist could help them map each other’s needs. The OP might benefit from explaining how his autism affects his decision-making, perhaps through written notes to ease tension. Setting clear boundaries—like dedicated hobby time—could foster mutual respect. Broadening the issue, society often overlooks how neurodiversity shapes relationships, leaving couples to navigate without tools. The OP should initiate an honest talk, focusing on feelings rather than blame, and explore therapy together. If differences persist, a trial separation might clarify their path.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew jumped in like friends at a game night, tossing out advice with a mix of humor and heart. Here’s what they shared:

bright_sorbet1 − If someone makes you this unhappy then of course you should leave.. Why would you choose to spend your one life miserable and scared?

theMATRIX49 − This is Domestic Violence. She is an abusive and controlling bully. Her family is enabling her. You need to escape from this woman.

You are very young still - there's plenty of time for you to build a new, happy life and meet someone who supports you.. She's not the one.

Alternative-Cash-757 − Just remember that a partner is supposed to make your life easier/happier not make it a living hell. Simple things like using too many eggs or napping cause you’re tired shouldn’t trigger her.

Savings-Muscle4849 − Yeah you need to leave. She's controlling and so is her family. You need to leave and you have right to. Better leave. Serve divorce papers and block all her family members.

HatsAndTopcoats − Yeah, you're overreacting. You should stop whining and just accept that the rest of your life will be miserable, because.... Wait, that's ridiculous. Of course you should get a divorce, you're incredibly unhappy being married to her. Get it over with and get it on with your life.

[Reddit User] − So she’s physically abusive and controlling.. Yea you should end the marriage.

TaylorMade2566 − She sounds like an abusive parent more than a loving spouse. Why would you put up with being treated like you're just an accessory to your marriage and have no value? She is abusive and I bet if the situation were reversed, her family would be telling her to divorce you.

[Reddit User] − A bit of background to her; she was raised by abusive parents and has a handful of issues and trauma because of it. Another argument I thought about just was when we're in goodwill or anywhere like that I'm expected to stay with her and not to wander.

Well here we are in Goodwill the other day, and I wander off, we catch back up and she says 'Ive told you not to wander.'. Okay, whatever. We get to the car and it's ' I just don't understand why you feel a need to follow me around all the time, surely there's stuff you want to go look at.'

GoldenDragon001 − Given that there's a control over you, you're given less hours than the normal to sleep, you're physically punished for taking naps, and your actions are dictate and question left and right, you are in an abusive relationship. . What should you do? . 1. See a personal therapist.

Talk about these issues and figure a proper way to confront them. . 2. Move out. If you have family/friend support, go to them and call them to help you move. 3. Once you have your family/friend support, tell her that by her physical abuse and along with her and her family's mental abuse, you need to separate for the time being.

Don't try to reason with her as no talk can settle anything for now. Just tell her, you'll contact her later and talk further.   And only talk to her after you have settled in and your mind would be ready to go into battle.

NotSoMuch_IntoThis − You’re in an abusive relationship. This is not said lightly or exaggeratedly. Being woken up just for the sake of it and no other reason is incredibly abusive. Leaving an abusive relationship takes 7 times for women, idk if it’s applicable to men in abusive relationships too but it should clear how hard it is for most people in your situation to get themselves out of it. You need to find support in your friends and family. I hope you get the support you need. Best of luck.

bright_sorbet1 − If someone makes you this unhappy then of course you should leave.. Why would you choose to spend your one life miserable and scared?

You are very young still - there's plenty of time for you to build a new, happy life and meet someone who supports you.. She's not the one.

Savings-Muscle4849 − Yeah you need to leave. She's controlling and so is her family. You need to leave and you have right to. Better leave. Serve divorce papers and block all her family members.

These Redditors urged the OP to prioritize his happiness, suggesting therapy or a break to reset. Some saw the wife’s control as a red flag, while others wondered if her past shaped her rigidity. Their takes spark a debate: can love thrive when minds don’t align, or is parting sometimes kinder? The crowd’s united on one thing—communication’s the first step.

This story of clashing minds and fraying love reminds us that relationships take work, especially when neurodiversity adds complexity. The OP’s struggle to feel heard resonates with anyone who’s felt out of step with a partner. With open dialogue and professional support, they might find harmony—or realize it’s time to part. What would you do if your relationship felt like a constant mismatch? Share your experiences—how do you navigate love across different wavelengths?

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