I (27F) can’t get my husband (28M) to help with our kid because he feels like it’s not his responsibility.

Balancing work, parenting, and a partnership can sometimes feel like juggling flaming torches—especially when one partner isn’t pulling their weight. In this story, a 27-year-old woman recounts her struggles with her 28-year-old husband, who insists that providing financially absolves him of helping with their two-year-old daughter. Despite both working full-time and contributing almost equally to the household income, he refuses to participate in basic childcare tasks like changing diapers or putting her daughter to bed.

His outdated notion that his role as the “provider” exempts him from hands-on parenting has pushed her to a breaking point, especially when he even floated the idea of having another child. Her frustration is palpable as she describes feeling overwhelmed by the daily demands of parenting while managing her career. With multiple attempts to address the imbalance falling on deaf ears, she’s now questioning whether this dynamic is sustainable—and whether it might be time to reevaluate the relationship entirely.

‘I (27F) can’t get my husband (28M) to help with our kid because he feels like it’s not his responsibility.’

When one partner consistently shirks shared responsibilities, it can lead to significant marital strain. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, “Effective partnerships require both partners to contribute emotionally, physically, and financially.

Neglecting any one aspect can create a rift that undermines trust and satisfaction in the relationship.” Dr. Gottman’s insights highlight that financial provision alone is not enough to sustain a family unit—active parenting and shared domestic duties are equally essential. Dr. Gottman further explains, “When one partner is expected to manage everything, resentment builds over time. It’s critical for couples to have open, honest discussions about their expectations and responsibilities.”

In our OP’s case, her husband’s refusal to help with childcare, despite his claim of being the main provider, reflects a significant imbalance. His reliance on traditional gender roles only intensifies her feelings of isolation and burnout, as she juggles both a demanding career and full-time parenting.

Moreover, family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “When outdated gender norms dictate that one partner handles domestic duties while the other provides financially, it can lead to emotional exhaustion and a breakdown in the marital relationship.”

This dynamic not only affects the individual but also impacts the overall well-being of the family. Both experts agree that redefining roles and creating a fair division of labor is crucial. They advise that couples seek counseling to reestablish mutual respect and shared responsibility in parenting, ensuring that no one feels overwhelmed or undervalued.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly criticizes the husband’s refusal to help with childcare. Many commenters point out that his role as “provider” should not exempt him from active parenting. They argue that if he truly cared about his daughter, he’d contribute more than just money, highlighting that both partners work full-time and share nearly equal financial responsibilities. Several users passionately urge the OP to consider divorce, stating that his lack of engagement is not only unfair but also damaging to the family.

At its core, this conflict is about the critical need for shared responsibility in parenting. While financial contribution is important, it doesn’t replace the emotional and physical presence a child requires. Our OP’s struggle reflects a broader issue of outdated gender roles and the damaging impact they can have on a relationship.

What do you think? Should both partners share the workload equally, regardless of income? Or is there a way to balance traditional roles with modern expectations? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—how would you handle a situation where one partner refuses to share in the everyday responsibilities of raising a child?