I (20F) caught my boyfriend(19M) with my friend(30F), but I didn’t confront them. What should I do now?

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In a cozy apartment near a bustling university, a young woman’s world shattered in a single moment. The air was thick with the sting of betrayal as she stumbled upon a scene that would haunt her: her boyfriend and her lifelong friend, tangled in a moment that wasn’t meant for her eyes. At just 20, she had trusted them both—Max, her first love, and Bella, the older friend who felt like family. Now, reeling from the shock, she’s left grappling with a gut-wrenching question: how do you confront the people who broke your heart?

The nausea hit harder than the heartbreak, driving her to her parents’ doorstep, where she wrestled with sleepless nights and endless questions. Why would Bella, her mentor and confidante, push her toward Max only to betray her? And why would Max, seemingly okay with her boundaries, cheat instead of leaving? Her story, raw and relatable, pulls us into the messy world of trust and deception.

‘I (20F) caught my boyfriend(19M) with my friend(30F), but I didn’t confront them. What should I do now?’

I have known Bella (30F) my entire life. I've always been a loner, and she is my only friend, more like an older sister to me. Now we are roommates, she works near my university, so I moved in with her two years ago. Bella introduced me to Max (19M) a year ago; they used to work together.

I started dating Max after that, and we have been together for seven months now. Yesterday, I was feeling nauseous, so I got home early from work. When I got home, I saw Max's shoes, which is pretty normal because they are friends and hang out often. Usually, they spend time in the hall watching something, but I didn't find them there, so I went to Bella's room and saw them having s**.

I just didn't know what to do, so I left. They didn't see me. I left for my parents' place. It was the worst day of my life. I felt sick to my stomach and threw up two or three times. I really thought I was going to die that day. Bella texted me that evening asking if I was going to be late. I didn’t reply. I just don’t know how to confront them.

I couldn't sleep the whole night, and I don't understand why they would do this. Maybe I am not very comfortable with the physical intimacy part right now, which is why I didn't want to do anything, and Max was okay with it. If you think you are not compatible, why wouldn't you just break up? Why would you have to cheat?

I am more heartbroken with Bella. I have known her my entire life, and she was like a big sister to me. How cruel do you have to be to betray me like that? And if you like Max, why would you push me to pursue him in the first place? I just don't get it. This was my first relationship, and it had to end like that.. Sorry I was here for advice and it turned into rant..

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Betrayal in relationships can feel like a punch to the soul, especially when it involves those closest to you. This young woman’s discovery of Max and Bella’s affair highlights a painful clash of trust and deception. From one angle, her hesitation to confront them stems from shock and a fear of losing both her partner and her surrogate sister. From Bella’s perspective, her actions might reflect a mix of selfishness and blurred boundaries, possibly exploiting the age gap and her influence. Max, meanwhile, may have dodged communication, choosing infidelity over honesty.

This situation taps into a broader issue: the complexities of trust in age-disparate friendships and relationships. A 2019 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that cross-age friendships can foster unique support but also power imbalances, especially when romantic entanglements arise (journals.sagepub.com). Bella’s role as both mentor and betrayer underscores this dynamic.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “Trust is built in very small moments, but betrayal can destroy it in one” (gottman.com). Here, Bella and Max’s actions obliterated the trust this young woman placed in them. Dr. Gottman’s insight suggests that their secrecy, rather than open communication, deepened the wound. Her nausea and retreat reflect a natural response to such a violation.

Moving forward, she could benefit from setting firm boundaries. Seeking support from family or a therapist can help her process the trauma and rebuild confidence. Confronting Bella and Max, if she chooses, should focus on expressing her feelings calmly, not seeking their justification.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of tough love and clever quips. Picture a virtual campfire where strangers roast the villains and rally around our heartbroken heroine. Here’s what they had to say:

PretentiousUsername1 − Ask your parents to help you move out of Bella's apartment. Don't let them leave you alone with her. Then block her and Max on all SM, and start your life over. These two were never your people. Make new friends, create your own perfect life.

That_Buy110 − This was probably not the first time she has hooked up with him. I imagine they are some variation of friends with benefits, but he wanted a relationship with someone.. Just text her that you got home early from work yesterday. Let her work out what happened.

CandiiiCaneLane − You need to d**p them both. They don’t care about you. It sucks, but it’s the truth. It’s nothing to do with you, they are just really s**tty people. You deserve better.

AbbeyCats − Extremely cruel. But you are armed with important information. Max is a scumbag cheater, and Bella is a two faced homewrecking monster. I'd put money on her getting off on the fact that she set you up with him but could have him at any time. She **WANTED** to betray you.

You are very young and naive to believe that a 30 year old woman who would act her age would want to hang out with literal teenagers. When you are 30 years old, I ask you to reflect on what you would do... would you bang 19 year olds? Would you move in with a 20 year old? Would you even want to be friends with 20 year old kids? Probably not.

annod75 − For starters, you need to move out. You do not owe either of them a heads up. Just wait until she's at work and clear your things out. Bella is not your friend she is a terrible person you absolutely have to cut her off.. Updateme

firstWithMost − Your purpose was probably to act as a smokescreen for their 'friendship'. Luckily you weren't in a s**ual relationship with Max, so no disease risk to worry about. It might not feel great now, but at least you have absolute proof and won't spend years being lied to.

Tell your family and friends exactly what happened and get one of them to accompany you to get your stuff back. Make sure you keep things going with your job, you don't want to lose that over a pair of two-faced losers. Don't even confront Bella and Max, just stonewall them and leave them both guessing why you don't ever talk to them again.

Make sure to block their phones and socials. Listening to lies isn't what you need right now. It's a terrible way for your first relationship to end. Try to stay positive, the problem isn't you or anything you've done. People with no integrity are everywhere.

Flynn_JM − Honestly, they probably have been sleeping together this entire time. Bella probably wanted to keep him close, which is why she introduced the two of you, but doesn't actually want to date him bc of the age difference.. What is her relationship status? Does she want a committed relationship/marriage?. Are you on the lease?

[Reddit User] − They cheat because their selfish jerks and backstabbers. D**p them both, ask your parents for help getting away from your friend. She’s a 30yr old screwing a 19yr old, shes got problems.

AffectionateMarch394 − She's 30 and he's 19. How old was he when they met? Because this sounds predatory.. I'm so sorry OP.

CamaroMusicMan − My only advice is to stay calm and level headed. Don’t do anything rash you might regret. Depending on your lease with her, I’d just go take all my stuff and move in with the parents for abit if possible. While just never bringing it up and blocking them.

Breaking the lease and stuff ain’t good but maybe if you’re lucky it’ll run out soon or there is a way for you to get out of it in terms of if you talk to landlord. Or you could just leave and say f**k it but that would probably hurt your credit.

These Reddit takes are fiery, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe there’s more to Bella and Max’s story—or maybe they’re just as awful as they seem.

This young woman’s tale is a stark reminder that trust, once broken, leaves scars that linger. Her courage to share her pain sparks a conversation about loyalty, boundaries, and the messy reality of relationships. As she navigates this heartbreak, her next steps—whether confronting her betrayers or walking away—will shape her path forward. What would you do if you found yourself in her shoes? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice below—let’s keep this discussion alive!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] I (20F) caught my boyfriend(19M) with my friend(30F), but I didn’t confront them. What should I do now?

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