I [19F] am being excluded from our gaming group. I decide to find a new group. Boyfriend [20M] is the one upset?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 1 Comment

In a dimly lit room, the glow of a computer screen casts soft shadows on a young woman’s face, her fingers hesitating over the keyboard. She’s a 19-year-old gamer, once thrilled to join her boyfriend and friends in virtual battles, now grappling with the sting of exclusion. A clash with a toxic group member has left her sidelined, her voice drowned out by the laughter of a group that no longer feels like home. Feeling abandoned, even by her boyfriend, she’s on the verge of a bold move—finding a new gaming crew.

This isn’t just about gaming; it’s about belonging, loyalty, and standing up for oneself. As she navigates the hurt of being pushed out and her boyfriend’s surprising disapproval, her story resonates with anyone who’s felt left behind by those they trusted. Readers can’t help but wonder: Is she overreacting, or is her quest for a new group a stand for self-respect?

‘I [19F] am being excluded from our gaming group. I decide to find a new group. Boyfriend [20M] is the one upset?’

I am in a gaming group that has about 10 members (18-25F/M), including my boyfriend and I. A month ago, I had a fallout with a member in the group, who I'll call R (25M). Basically, I don't like R. All he ever does is degrade and talk about are women who are 'back-stabbing bitches who you can never trust' and how much he loves to smoke weed and do drugs.

Hearing those things constantly became a drag, so I decided that I did not want to around him anymore. Ever since I cut off contact, I've been excluded from games whenever R plays because he does not want me there. Even my boyfriend told me not to join because it'll p**s off R. Obviously, I don't want to play with R either so this is fine with me.

The thing is, when R is playing, I'm excluded from the group as I can't play with anyone else, because they're all playing with R. This happens 3/4 days every week, and they play for 5-6 hours a day. I'm really shy, so I don't talk much in the group games besides doing the usual callouts. I know everyone would much rather play with R than me since he's more outgoing and fun to them, so I don't interfere.

Even so, I still feel like s**t for being left out constantly. My boyfriend didn't even defend me the first time I was excluded. He just told me to not join ever again and left it at that. Only one other person in the group has defending me, and that is my best friend (19M) since middle-school. When I first told him about the situation, he got really angry and asked me if I wanted him to stop playing with R too.

I know my boyfriend and best friend love playing with R though, so I didn't ask them to stop. Last night, R and the group were all playing again. I decided to look for some other groups online to play with, because being alone sucks. While on a break from his game, my boyfriend asked what I was doing. I told him casually that I was looking for a new gaming group to play with.

His reaction was not what I was expecting. He got upset and kept questioning me why I wanted to leave our old gaming group. I told him since I'm being excluded from our old group so often, I may as well find a new group to play with because I obviously don't fit in anymore. Even after my answers, he would keep asking me why I couldn't just stay and participate in the group often.

How am I suppose to participate in a group when I'm being excluded from it weekly? At that point, I told my boyfriend to stop talking to me about this subject and to leave it. He then said to me that I was overreacting to being excluded from the group and then went on a rant about why I couldn't just be happy for once since he still plays with me daily.

My boyfriend and I do play daily, but we play alone with just us two since no one else in the group can play at the times we're online. Being excluded from playing with everyone else is what makes me feel like s**t, not being excluded from playing with my boyfriend.

I told him that if I find a new group, I would always play with him first, no matter what. However, I just want to find a new group to play with when he and everyone else are playing with R since I can't join in the first place, and playing alone sucks. He said fine in an annoyed tone, and we left it at that.

We haven't spoken about it since, but I can tell he's upset over it. Am I really overreacting to the situation? Do I just ignore my boyfriend for now? Do I say something? This is the first time I've ever seen him so upset over something I did. I'm not sure what to do.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Navigating group dynamics can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield, especially when a partner doesn’t have your back. This young woman’s clash with R, a toxic gamer, and her boyfriend’s failure to defend her highlight a classic issue of loyalty versus group harmony. Her decision to seek a new group is a bold step, but his upset reaction suggests deeper tensions—perhaps fear of change or misplaced priorities.

Exclusion isn’t just a gaming problem; it’s a social wound. According to a 2021 study by the American Psychological Association, social rejection can trigger stress responses akin to physical pain (apa.org). Here, R’s misogyny and drug talk created a hostile environment, pushing her out. Her boyfriend’s dismissal of her feelings—telling her to “just be happy”—echoes a broader issue: invalidation in relationships.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Bids for connection, like expressing hurt, need a partner’s response, not rejection” (gottman.com). Her boyfriend’s choice to prioritize R over her signals a lack of emotional support. This isn’t just about gaming—it’s about respect. She deserves a partner who champions her, not one who expects her to shrink.

To move forward, she could calmly explain how exclusion impacts her self-worth, using “I feel” statements to avoid blame. Exploring women-led gaming communities, as suggested by commenters, could also rebuild her confidence. Readers, have you faced similar group dynamics?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s hot takes are as fiery as a dragon in a dungeon raid! Here’s what the community had to say about this gamer’s dilemma:

ChaChaPosca − Even my boyfriend told me not to join because it'll p**s off R. My boyfriend didn't even defend me the first time I was excluded. He just told me to not join ever again and left it at that. He then said to me that I was overreacting to being excluded from the group and then went on a rant about why I couldn't just be happy for once since he still plays with me daily.. Your boyfriend is being a real s**t-weasel about this. Tell him to f**k off.

Cypress_z − You looking for a new group makes your issue with R look final rather than something you'll 'get over', basically. Game groups and friend groups are often related, and your boyfriend is probably reacting like you're looking for a new friend group. He'd probably rather you forgive R and put things back to normal.

He's being absurd. You deserve to play as often as you like with people you like. I've had some bad groups because I didn't have options but these days there are a lot of options to help people find a group that suits them. Nobody should ever have to play a game, a thing you're purposefully doing for fun, with a jerk.

Look for the new group, point out your boyfriends absurdity towards this clearly and worry not. If you want any of those people from the former group to be your friend then spend time with them away from the group. If not you don't need to worry at all. Either way, go out and have fun!

heberton100915 − If they exclude you from a game they shouldn't expect you to sit around and wait for them. The fact that your boyfriend is letting his friends group exclude you. And also complaining about you find another group shows major red flags. This is not normal behavior.

If your friends really care they will make time where R is excluded and you can play with them. They haven't bothered to do that. You have to ask yourself if you really want to spend time with these type of people. If I were you I would find a new group.. If your boyfriend prioritizes his friends over you, that is also something you really need to think about.

[Reddit User] − So, I'm guilty of doing a light skim read here but here's my initial reactions:. 1. Your boyfriend should tell R *that HE can sit out if you're on first. 2. You should tell your boyfriend you're not to be expected to just sit around by yourself if you're wanting to be a part of group. If he can't understand this, ask him how he would feel if he was constantly excluded. 3. Are you on Xbox or PS4? I'm anti-social 90% of the time, but you're always free to add me. :)

Seanna87 − Omg girl, this guy is awful! I have dated a guy like this, it was so bad for my self esteem. I really suggest even if you stay with this guy, consider therapy before this really hurts your self esteem. Also, from another woman who games I highly suggest looking for other groups with more women, or at least people who are older.

R's behavior isn't uncommon with younger male gamers. Typically when joining a group I ask what the general maturity level is and if there are other women. Bonus points if it's a guild or group led by a woman!

[Reddit User] − I don't think you're overreacting and your solution to find a new group is the best idea since no one seems to want to rock the boat in the group and defend you.. I'd just ignore your boyfriend on this, honestly.

sukinsyn − Uhhh, here's the situation. Your boyfriend, and everyone else, was expecting some kind of 'apology' from you for 'overreacting.' Now that you're finding a new group, He's viewing it as you 'abandoning the group.' It's all b**lshit. Tell your boyfriend straight up that he was the one who suggested you leave in the first place.

Did he expect you to just sit home and wistfully look on while everyone else gamed together? F**k that. You have a great opportunity to meet friends here and your boyfriend is being TREMENDOUSLY hypocritical and unsupportive here.

dadibom − your boyfriend told you to never join them again. leave him.

nightlywanderer − You don't have a game group problem, you have a BF problem. He should be standing up for you. He should be able to understand that being excluded makes people feel bad. You communicate problems with him and he doesn't listen to you or try to understand your point of view. He invalidates your opinions and feelings because they're not complimentary to what he wants. Why are you putting up with this?

a_wild_venonat − Given the choice between playing with you and playing with R, he's picking playing with R and then blaming you for rocking the boat. I'd ignore him or point out to him that he's expecting you to suck it up when R's the one who's an a**hole, and if he keeps insisting you should play in the group with R, d**p him.

These opinions are candid, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just keyboard warrior vibes?

This gamer’s tale is a reminder that no one should feel like an outsider in a space meant for fun. Her courage to seek a new group, despite her boyfriend’s pushback, speaks to the power of self-respect. But the question lingers: Should she ignore his reaction, confront him, or keep forging her own path? What would you do if you were sidelined by friends and your partner didn’t step up? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation rolling!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] I [19F] am being excluded from our gaming group. I decide to find a new group. Boyfriend [20M] is the one upset?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

One Comment

  1. Pingback: [UPDATE] I [19F] am being excluded from our gaming group. I decide to find a new group. Boyfriend [20M] is the one upset? - Movies & TV update: News, Reviews and Trending