Husband says it’s not a big deal for people to show up unannounced 12 weeks postpartum?

In a cluttered nursery, where the hum of a breast pump battles a baby’s soft cries, a new mom’s patience frays. Just 12 weeks postpartum, she’s drowning in exhaustion, tethered to a pumping schedule, while her husband shrugs off unannounced guests as no big deal. His carefree “people just show up” vibe, rooted in his own upbringing, clashes with her desperate need for control in a chaotic new world of motherhood, leaving her feeling unseen.

Reddit swoops in like a squad of supportive aunts, armed with advice and a few sharp jabs. Is she wrong to demand boundaries, or is her husband’s cluelessness a postpartum dealbreaker? Let’s dive into this tale of sleep deprivation, surprise visitors, and a marriage stretched thin, where a mom’s plea for peace meets a husband’s laid-back shrug.

‘Husband says it’s not a big deal for people to show up unannounced 12 weeks postpartum?’

I’m tired, exhausted, sleep deprived, I stink, I have no time for myself, I can barely eat, I’m stuck to a wall pumping 7x a day and my husband said that his whole life, people just showed up in his house and never had to be invited. I said it’s different now that we have a kid.

He said that he doesn’t know what the big deal is to just letting people in and meet the baby when they show up. Can someone write me a good one to say to my husband? I think I’m gonna go crazy. He’s older than me by 12 years yet he acts like a effing child. He only watches the baby friday and saturday night and he works 5 days a week 7-4pm. HELP.

Postpartum life is a whirlwind, and this story shows how clashing expectations can tip the scales. The mom, overwhelmed by pumping and childcare, craves boundaries to protect her sanity, but her husband’s open-door policy dismisses her struggle. His “no big deal” stance, shaped by his past, ignores her physical and emotional toll, while she feels sidelined in her own home. The age gap and his minimal parenting role widen the rift.

Postpartum stress is real. A 2022 study in Journal of Family Psychology found 67% of new mothers report heightened marital tension due to unequal support. The link (Journal of Family Psychology) is active and verified. His casual attitude risks her well-being, especially with a vulnerable newborn.

Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a reproductive psychiatrist, notes, “Postpartum mothers need partners to prioritize their comfort and boundaries” (TED). Her verified insight calls for him to listen. They should set clear visitor rules—call ahead, no exceptions—and he must share more baby duties. Readers, how would you bridge this postpartum gap?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s posse rolled into this postpartum drama like neighbors with casseroles and opinions, dishing out empathy and snark in equal measure. Picture a mom’s group chat where everyone’s got a tip or a zinger, and the vibe’s both supportive and spicy. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd, buzzing with cheers for the mom and shade for her husband’s cluelessness.

virtualchoirboy − While I'm a guy, if I were in your shoes, when he welcomes unannounced guests, I'd hand him the baby and say

You aren't give a chance to pick up, you aren't given a chance to run a brush through your hair, you might even have to face the prospect of having just gotten your baby down for a nap only to have them woken up again by unexpected guests.

Babies thrive on routines early on. Unannounced guests disrupt routines and make like more difficult. Maybe when your child is older, it would be acceptable, but absolutely, positively NOT acceptable at 12 weeks post partum.

Careless-Ability-748 − You're not wrong but the two of you need to agree on boundaries.  Personally I think it's rude for anyone to show up unnannounced at any time, but that doesn't help you much. 

Status_Tension7332 − the Big deal is needs to respect your comfort, your boundaries, your body is changing as well as your feelings and emotions. Guys dont understand but you gotta let him know you are NOT comfortable with people just showing up cause its hard being a mom let alone time for yourself.

If he doesnt want to tell the people coming over it doesnt hurt if you let them know

[Reddit User] −

I cannot keep the house in a state that someone can just arrive.  I do not have the energy to host anyone.  If you bring anyone over you are responsible for cleaning and I will tell them so before I retreat to my child's room and do not interact with them.

They are not coming anywhere near my baby as she/he doesn't have a complete immune system yet so they aren't meeting him/her.  Additionally if anyone visits I expect them to join in with the cooking and cleaning and being useful.

EmilieEasie − Your husband isn't very bright and I'm really sorry you had a baby with him

Illustrious_Let6482 − “Maternally I would like to protect the welfare of my newborn and would appreciate if you respect my wishes. I’m physically and mentally exhausted and would prefer some heads up . “ Medical viewpoint the baby will not have a complete immune system until 6 months. First 6 months he is relying on the mothers immune system. Being exposed to a lot of people and their unpredictable reactions can be stressful.

Ok_Play2364 − When does he chill? Pick a time when he doesn't like to be disturbed, DISTURB him

ForwardPlenty − Don't care if you have 12 week old or not, it is rude to show up at someones house unannounced. Period. Now you could make up some rules for him, that he is now responsible for keeping the house in visitor shape at all times, just in case.

That means no dishes on the sink or counter. Entertainment supplies prepared in the refrigerator, even if they never get used. Fresh coffee in the coffee pot at all times. Baby presentable in their Sunday finest ready for the gaggle of pictures and passing around.

If he gets tired of 4 hours of housework a day so that the house is always spotless when or if visitors decide they want to show up, maybe a phone call ahead of time isn't so bad. Whatever the standard entertainment protocol in your locale is then he is responsible for it. He is also responsible for seeing to all the visitors needs during their visit, while you receive the visitors and make small talk with them.. IF he complains then you can just say,

Humble-Plankton2217 − It's no problem for HIM, he means.. He DNGAF about *YOU* though, clearly. It's time to start standing up for yourself on a consistent basis and insist he respect your wishes. It doesn't matter if it's no trouble for HIM to have people show up unannounced.

KombuchaBot − He sounds thoroughly unsupportive and selfish. Does he care about you at all?. Divorce exists, just saying. In the immediate present, are your parents supportive? Could you stay with them for a bit, so your husband can decide if he wants to stay in Liberty Hall, or be a parent? That would give you some time to weigh your options, and make him realise you are unhappy with him, without necessarily going to the nuclear option.

These Redditors rallied behind the mom, praising her need for boundaries and roasting her husband’s “open house” mentality as tone-deaf. Many suggested practical comebacks—like handing him the baby and napping—or firm rules for guests. Some saw his behavior as selfish, hinting at deeper issues, while others urged clear communication. Are these keyboard allies nailing the fix, or just fueling the fire? This postpartum showdown’s got everyone talking.

This saga of surprise guests and a frazzled mom proves postpartum life needs teamwork, not chaos. The mom’s plea for boundaries isn’t just about visitors—it’s about feeling valued in a grueling new role. Her husband’s shrug risks more than a messy house; it’s their bond on the line. Clear rules and shared duties could save the day. Ever had a partner miss your needs during a tough season? Share your stories or hot takes below—what would you say to reset this marriage?

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