Husband Denies My Share in Our Homes – I’m Holding Off Mortgage Payments for Therapy. AITA?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy suburban home, where family photos might suggest unity, one woman’s world teeters on the edge of betrayal. She’s been pouring her savings into three houses, believing she’s building a future with her “husband.” But here’s the kicker: none of those homes bear her name, and their marriage? Not even legal. Her bold stand—refusing to pay another dime until he agrees to therapy—has ignited a firestorm online, leaving readers buzzing with opinions.

The Reddit thread paints a vivid picture of a woman caught in a financial and emotional tangle. Her story, raw and relatable, pulls us into a world where trust collides with cold, hard property deeds. As she grapples with her partner’s refusal to formalize their bond, readers can’t help but feel the sting of her precarious situation, wondering how far loyalty should stretch.

‘Husband Denies My Share in Our Homes – I’m Holding Off Mortgage Payments for Therapy. AITA?’

I'm deleting the substance of this post as this has picked up too much traction and I fear he may catch wind of this somehow. Clearly I've made a massive mistake by continuing to play along with this scheme for so many years. Obviously I am very naive both emotionally and financially. I know this.

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Many of you have said NTA but I know now that I am, simply for being such a clueless dummy and blindly allowing this to happen without ever stopping once to consider how my own actions (or lack thereof) has set me up for failure.

I'll be following up with a lawyer and a forensic accountant. And also a therapist - but only for myself. In the meantime I think the best play is to keep making monthly payments until I can figure out how to cover myself.. Thank you everyone for providing your input, it's been very helpful. I'll post an update when I can.

This woman’s predicament is a stark reminder that love doesn’t automatically secure legal rights. According to Family Psychology, “Financial imbalances in relationships can erode trust, especially when one partner holds all the power.” This hits home here—her partner’s refusal to put her name on the deeds or formalize their marriage suggests a calculated move to maintain control.

Her contributions to the mortgages, while well-intentioned, leave her vulnerable. Legally, without marriage or co-ownership, she has little claim to the properties. A 2023 Forbes article notes that only a few U.S. states recognize common-law marriage, and even then, it requires specific legal steps—steps her partner has avoided.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “Trust is built in very small moments.” Here, the partner’s actions—keeping assets solely in his name—signal a lack of those moments. This isn’t just about houses; it’s about respect and equality in relationships.

The advice? She’s wise to consult a lawyer and forensic accountant, as Reddit suggests. Documenting her payments could strengthen her case, though outcomes vary by state. Moving forward, prioritizing her financial independence and therapy for herself is key to rebuilding confidence.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of tough love and sharp insights. Here’s what they had to say, unfiltered and spicy:

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Dachshundmom5 − You aren't his wife. My guess is he has no intention of making you his wife lest you have claims on property.. He doesn't respect you or your contributions.. Doesn't seem like he values you at all. Not really sure why you think that would change? He doesn't care.

He's getting half his mortgages paid by you and taking no risk because your name is on nothing. Not even a marriage license. The government you say can suck it would provide some protections to a spouse, but they don't care about your 'marriage.' Your name and bank accounts dont change automatically when you're married.

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They don't change at all unless you want them to. Your BF is very aware of that. He doesn't want a partner or an equal. He's managed to get you to pay half of making him very financially secure and screwing you over in the process. He's playing you, not the government.

ETA OP, you are not married. Unless you qualify as maybe common law depending on your state and go through the full legal process it takes to get recognized as such, you inherit nothing from him unless he puts it in a will his family cannot contest. Also, if he's in an accident or incapacitated, his family can assume control of his medical decisions,

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and if he's incapacitated for a long period, they assume POA of his assets. They can deny your ability to visit or know what is happening entirely. They can remove you from the property. Marriage is more than just taxes. There's a reason same s** couples fought long and hard for marriage rights.

Weary_Iron3376 − I’m going to give you the hard truth , this man was smart . He put all the houses in his name and never married you . But you was helping him financially, so if you two break up , the most you can put him through is eviction court ..

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if you don’t want to leave . He will never look at you like a partner because your name not on the deed . Plain and simple. Ps: why you paying half a mortgage and don’t have half ownership. You are not safe

ConvivialKat − You're NTA, but you are kidding yourself if you think your 'partner' is ever going to give you ownership in anything or cares about you at all. A therapist isn't going to solve anything. It won't change legal ownership of these houses, and it sure as hell won't make him respect you at all.. And stop calling him your husband. Because he isn't.

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murphy2345678 − You don’t need a therapist. You need a lawyer. I hope you kept track of all the money you put into these houses. Are you sure you aren’t legally married if you got married in another country the US should recognize it?

ebernal13 − You’re not married and have no legal standing. The houses aren’t in your name. While you’ve been paying half, and a decent person would be sharing everything with you, it’s clear he has no interest in sharing. Sorry, but you have nothing.

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ImTheCraftyOne − Keep in mind that if he died tomorrow, you have no legal access to his retirement, bank accounts, property, cars, etc. I would also check to see if he has you as a beneficiary on his life insurance and retirement… He may have you completely screwed you.

isdelightful − NTA for no longer paying bills on houses you don’t own. Check with a lawyer whether your state has common law marriage rules bc that’s about the only way you’d be entitled to any of the properties.. Now you know why marriage is a legal contract and government exists for a reason 🤷🏼‍♀️

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[Reddit User] − He’s right. You don’t own any of the homes. If your name isn’t on it, you’re screwed. If you were actually married, you’d have some stake in the properties but you don’t. Stop paying his mortgages and Go talk to a lawyer to see if there are any loopholes to benefit you.

HorseLawyer420 − and he has objected to signing paperwork in the US because he wants us to have different last names and separate bank accounts. He's wrong. You can get married and have separate bank accounts and keep your names. all for the purpose of gaming the system when it comes to purchasing multiple homes within a short time period..

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Wrong again. It should be financially advantageous to get married and reap the tax benefits. Honestly, it really seems like he's financially benefiting at your expense. Right now, you get basically nothing if the relationship ends. If you get legally married, you can get your fair share in the event of a divorce.

Perhaps you should talk to a financial planner who can explain why it's a good idea to get legally married. Therapy is more about resolving emotional problems and I bet your husband sees it as a logical money problem (not emotional).

[Reddit User] − So lemme get this straight.. You’re not legally married.. You don’t have joint accounts.. But you’re pouring THOUSANDS into these house without your name anywhere? Girl if you ain’t the dullest fuckin knife in the chopping block. You are FUCKED. YTA to yourself for continuing this long and for paying for HIS houses!!!

These Redditors tore into the partner’s motives, with some calling it a deliberate financial scam. Others urged her to protect herself legally, questioning if love blinded her to red flags. But do their fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the drama?

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This woman’s story is a wake-up call about trust, love, and legal realities. Her courage to pause payments and seek professional help marks a turning point, but the road ahead is murky. Reddit’s chorus of voices highlights the complexity of relationships where money and commitment collide. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s keep this conversation going!

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