How would you split chores when wife (28F) works full time and husband (30M) stays at home? No kids

Shirley Stafford Hours
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She’s clocking long hours at a demanding job, while her 30-year-old husband, cushioned by inherited wealth, spends his days gaming and scrolling at home. For this 28-year-old woman, the deal seems simple: he handles most chores since he’s free all day, no kids in sight.

But when she finds toothpaste splatter and mildew in the bathroom he claims is “clean,” frustration bubbles over. Shared on Reddit, her story of unbalanced household labor paints a vivid picture of a marriage teetering on unmet expectations and differing standards.

‘How would you split chores when wife (28F) works full time and husband (30M) stays at home? No kids’

My partner is lucky enough to be in a financial situation where he does not have to work, due to inherited wealth. He stopped working with it the last year and currently spends his free time at his leisure. He has informed me that he can financially support both of us if I chose not to work, but we would be living a very modest lifestyle.

I currently work full time and make good money relative to my field. He pays for rent but we share most other living expenses. Because he is at home all the time and we don't have kids, I expect him to take on the majority of household chores. He isn't in school, volunteering, or working on any projects.

He is mostly scrolling or playing video games. I am happy with him not working and spending his free time as he chooses so long as he manages most of the household responsibilities.The most recent thing that frustrated me is I asked that he clean the bathroom before the weekend.

He told me he cleaned it less than a week ago. However there was toothpaste splatter on the mirror, his hair shavings and toothpaste splatter in the sink, mildew in the shower. When I pointed this out, he said it didn't matter.

I ended up cleaning the bathroom on the weekend. How would you go about splitting household duties when one partner works full time and the other stays at home? What is a fair distribution of household labor in this situation?

A tidy home reflects mutual respect, but this couple’s story shows how unequal chore distribution can breed resentment. The wife’s expectation that her stay-at-home husband manage most household tasks is reasonable, given his abundant free time and lack of other responsibilities. His dismissal of her concerns about a dirty bathroom signals a deeper issue: mismatched priorities and standards of care.

Uneven domestic labor often strains relationships. A 2020 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples with one partner at home report higher satisfaction when the non-working partner handles 70-80% of chores. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Fairness in household tasks builds trust; neglect erodes it”. The husband’s minimal effort undermines this balance.

The wife’s frustration also highlights a broader issue: the emotional toll of feeling unheard. His wealth removes financial pressure, but his leisure-focused lifestyle—gaming over cleaning—suggests a lack of partnership. Her willingness to work full-time while expecting chore support isn’t entitlement; it’s a call for equity. Hiring a cleaner, as Reddit suggests, could ease tension, but only if both agree on its necessity.

A clear solution lies in open dialogue. They should establish a chore schedule and define “clean” to align expectations. Encouraging him to pursue hobbies or volunteering could add purpose to his days, benefiting their dynamic. Couples therapy might help address underlying issues of motivation and respect. Her push for fairness is a step toward a stronger partnership, provided he meets her halfway.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community largely backed the wife, arguing that her husband’s free time and lack of responsibilities make him accountable for most chores. Many criticized his dismissive attitude toward the dirty bathroom, seeing it as a lack of respect for her efforts as the working partner.

Several suggested hiring a cleaner, given his wealth, to sidestep the conflict altogether. Others noted his sedentary lifestyle as a red flag, urging a serious talk about fairness and shared standards to prevent growing resentment.

Sixforsilver7for − So usually I’d base chores on a combination of spare time and contribution to living costs so in his case possibly he’d do slightly more than you but not all of them. However I think you guys have a potentially really simple solution- if he has enough money to not work; hire a cleaner.

Posterbomber − Hire a maid service, you have the money and someone could use a job. It's rough out here.. Edit. Thanks for the votes

TheDissolutionist − This is the sign of a marriage in serious trouble....resentment is already creeping in, and there's a power disparity coupled with laziness. You say you're ok with his sedintary lifestyle, but that doesn't ring true at all.

Sounds like you want him to be productive, too, and he has no interest in it. Dependency makes people lose concern for things...which is likely why he doesn't care about cleanliness or going a disproportionate amount of the household labor (which is fair).

You two need a serious come-to-jesus or some counseling, because you're building a case for some deep struggles and attraction/intimacy will start breaking down next when the respect goes (if it's not already).

Revolutionary_Ad1846 − In this situation I would hire a cleaner. I think it’s ridiculous with this kind of income you are wasting time arguing over house chores.. BOTH parties spend 15-20 min a day tidying up (or doing own laundry/washing dishes) and get a weekly housekeeper.

PermaThrowaway111 − He should absolutely be handling a larger load of the chores due to the free time he has on his hands. However there's a bit of difference here with couples who have a stay at home partner. Usually there is a 'breadwinner' so the other has some level of expectation to carry their load.

However since your husband is independently wealthy, this becomes a bit tougher to navigate. If you have the funds (which it sounds like you do) ask him to pay for a house cleaner if he's not interested in cleaning with his time off.

throwawtphone − I always based it on free time / time spent at work outside home at employment. .. Example:. Person A works 40 hours a week and makes 100k.. Person B works 65 hours a week and makes 100k. Person A , the one working a 40 hour a week does more chores as they have more free time..

Example:. Person A works 2 jobs for a combined total hours of 80 hours and makes 65k.. Person B works 1 part time job for 20 hours and makes 90k.. Person B does more chores because they have more free time.. It is about time not money.

[Reddit User] − From a physical and mental health perspective, I would be concerned that he has no hobbies that get him up and moving. He should definitely be doing a bulk of, but not all, the chores.. Can you guys sit down together and agree on a cleaning schedule and responsibilities.. Can you encourage him to volunteer (a big brother program might be a good fit)?

tom1944 − Split the cost of cleaning help

Thebarisonthefloor − It honestly sounds like your boyfriend either doesn't have a ton of experience cleaning thoroughly, or that he has a different standard when it comes to what he deems acceptable. The first thing you should do it talk about what is a fair division of labor.

The second is to establish a 'minimum standard of care', meaning what is the minimum standard you are both willing to live with. For example: if you decide that dishes are his task, then discuss what getting the dishes done means to you both.

I don't mind leaving dishes in the sink to dry, but it bothers my partner, which brings me to my next point.. This might sound harsh, but it is absolutely something I believe in 100%. My partner and I have an agreement. If you need it done a certain way, do it yourself.

It's absolutely fine for you to ask your boyfriend to clean the bathroom, and expect that he do it because he doesn't work. But if he does it, and he adheres to the minimum standard of care you've both established and you're still unhappy with it, then do it yourself.

If you like your towels folded a certain way, but get mad when your partner folds them differently (but still neatly), it's not reasonable for you to demand that he do it your way or none at all.. I hope this helps! It definitely helped my relationships.

[Reddit User] − Speaking for someone who was a stay-at-home dad for 10 years to raise my kids...I can tell you that it was about 80/20.. I was the 80, she was the 20.. Yes, raising two babies was a lot of work, but I still had time to do chores.

This tale of a working wife and a leisure-loving husband reveals the friction of unbalanced chores in a childless home. Her push for a fairer split clashes with his lax approach, testing their partnership’s strength.

As she seeks change, the Reddit chorus cheers her stand for respect. Have you navigated a chore divide with a partner? Share your experiences below and let’s unpack the art of balancing love and labor!

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