How to tell my (37f) bf (38m) that we are so broke we need to go to the food bank?

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Under the dim glow of a kitchen lamp, a 37-year-old baker counted loose change, her $80 lifeline dwindling fast. Bills loomed, her dog needed food, and groceries were a distant dream. Her boyfriend’s takeout splurges and minimal contributions stung worse than the empty fridge.

The thought of begging for his ID to access a food bank twisted her pride, sparking a raw online plea for advice that lit up Reddit with empathy and tough love.

‘How to tell my (37f) bf (38m) that we are so broke we need to go to the food bank?’

I have a job and I have a side business. It's slow season for my business so income is next to nothing. I recently changed jobs to a better paying one and steady hours. But, I'll get a half pay cheque on the 15th and my full pay will be on the 29th. My old job did not pay nearly enough or give me enough hours, so my last pay from them will only have 4 hrs worth?

I got paid 2 days ago. I paid about half the bills and I have $80 ish dollars to last me. I haven't gotten groceries or dog food plus there are more bills to be paid. I've asked my bf to spend money wisely bc I literally have NO extra money. I spent the day yesterday looking for loose cash around the house and taking in bottles and cans to pay a little more on bills.

The bf did fill up my gas tank So i could get to work for the next little while. Yes, my bf should chip in more with the bills. He doesn't. Yes, it's a problem I'm working on. Either way it doesn't solve my immediate problem. Food. I found my local food bank and I can pick up a basket of food after applying for it.

Catch? They want the IDs of everyone in the household, but, only one of us have to be present. I obviously need his consent to take his ID. I'm beyond embarrassed admitting that my business has put me so behind on bills that I have to go to the food bank. I really don't know how to approach this. Any advice?

Update: This post generated a lot more attention than I thought it would. Thank you for the kind words that some people left. I obviously couldn't read all of the comments as there were so many. I did not include every detail in the original post as I didn't want to make it too long. It was late, I was upset, and needed to get it off of my chest. Here are some answers to some themes I noticed and additional details.

1. My business is selling baked goods at farmers markets. I sold at 4 main weekly markets over the summer season. It's slow during the fall before the Christmas season begins, which for us, isn't till mid November. It's not an MLM. 2. My bf does have a ft job. Where does his money go? Before he started living with me he lived with his sister helping her raise her 3 kids.

They rented a place together. He still pays her his portion of the rent and says he will continue to do so till their lease ends in the spring. But of course with rising costs, he's worried about her being able to afford a place on her own with the kids. Their bio dad is a deadbeat and barely pays child support. My bf does spend a lot of money on take out though and I'm trying to curb that habit.

3. I am NOT asking people for money. If anyone offers I will say no. I'm not going to ask for random handouts from strangers in the internet. 4. For those of you pointing out I'm 'too old.' Thanks for that. Bc it's not already in the back of my head.

I'm not perfect. I have a past, insecurities, and in some ways I am a s**tty person. 5. I live in a smaller city. There is only 1 food bank. I can't go find another. I will most likely not be going there after someone pointed out I'd be taking food out of other kids mouths.

Now I can't get that image out of my head. I am a fat kid so I guess starving myself for a while won't kill me. I can probably find more loose change around the house/vehicle and get a Costco hotdog on the drive home for a while. I also have a friend who owns an egg farm. He's agreed to give me eggs he can't sell to the grocery stores for a while.

6. I have no kids. Just a dog. The dog will not starve. I will make sure he has food before I do. It won't be the as high quality food for a while, but, he has an iron stomach and he's not picky. 7. Yes, there is much more to contribute to a household than finances. Unfortunately with my depression I find it difficult to get anything done around the house

and the bf is happy to let everything slide as well. 8. Yes, I am in therapy. But, sadly with my new job, it's going to have to go on hold for a while as I had to give up my weekly slot as I'd be working. She doesn't have any vacancies outside of my working hours right now and obviously I really need this job.. I think I've covered everything.

This baker’s plight—scrambling to survive while her boyfriend coasts—exposes a painful truth: love doesn’t cover the rent. Her hesitation to demand his ID or confront his spending reflects the shame of financial struggle, amplified by carrying their household alone.

Financial therapist Amanda Clayman notes, “Money conflicts often stem from unspoken expectations and unequal contributions”. The boyfriend’s choice to fund his sister’s rent over their groceries highlights a skewed sense of duty, leaving her to hunt for coins. His takeout habit only deepens the rift.

This mirrors a wider issue: financial inequity in relationships. A 2023 Pew Research study found 41% of cohabiting couples clash over money, often due to uneven burdens. Her depression and paused therapy further strain her resilience, making action harder.

She should initiate a blunt talk: list shared expenses, demand equal effort, and explore budget meal plans. Community pantries without ID requirements could ease the immediate crisis.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit brought the heat, serving spicy takes with a dash of wit. From slamming the boyfriend’s mooching to urging raw honesty, the community didn’t hold back.

PurpleNightSkies − The man would rather watch you starve than contribute to the bills? Oh, honey no…

This_Grab_452 − I don’t follow the problem here.. Let me play it back to you. You and your bf live together. He doesn’t chip in half of the bills, and you shoulder majority of your cost of living. You can’t afford food so you need to go to the food bank and for that, you need his ID. If that’s the case, it’s exactly what you need to say to him. *We* can’t afford food. *I* found a solution and need your ID.. The end.

BreqsCousin − If he's no longer in your household you won't need his ID. (you haven't actually said what he contributes, you've jumped straight to being defensive about it, so I can only assume it's very little and that he's a useless b**)

RumpusParableHere − You're defensive about it but let's be frank here:. You didn't get you so far behind on bills, he did. Since you, not HIM, are working on him becoming a productive part of the income you can tell him that fact:. That you need to go to the food bank because his not working.

Embarrassed-Car6161 − Why does he have access to your money? You're broke because of him. You're afraid to talk to him when really this should be a wake up call to get his act together. I don't understand why you're so desperate to keep a man who's literally going to make you go hungry

No_Limit_2589 − Your boyfriend is a leech and you should break up with him. Not really sure what you expected really.

HauntingGur4402 − Yep if he cant give you money for food or bills then he needs to go. His a mooch.

BlackStarBlues − Yes, my bf should chip in more with the bills. He doesn't. Yes, it's a problem I'm working on. Either way it doesn't solve my immediate problem. Food. Why can't your boyfriend buy some food when he sees the fridge and the larder looking bare? Is he a deadbeat or something?. If it's not government assistance, just claim one person household and use your ID.

jackandsally060609 − I'm guessing he always magically has money for weed, cigarettes, PS5 games...

onedayatatime08 − If your boyfriend lives there too and doesn't pay half, what the heck?. I think right now is the time to have a serious talk. 'Hey xxxx. So as it sits, I can't afford to pay the bills myself and I don't have money to buy food. I need you to do your part, or I'll definitely need to register us at the food bank so we don't starve.' And if he's a good guy, he WILL do his part and go buy food and see what bills he can pay.. No one lives for free.

These fiery opinions dominate online, but do they work in real life? One thing’s clear: money woes spark universal debates.

This woman’s scramble to avoid hunger while tiptoeing around her boyfriend’s neglect reveals the gritty reality of financial strain. Her pride and makeshift solutions—like bartering for eggs—show resilience, but a reckoning with her partner looms. Have you faced a tough money talk with someone you love? How did you break through? Drop your stories below—let’s keep the convo sizzling!

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