How do I (57f) keep from starving when I visit my husband’s (56m) family?

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A 57-year-old woman stepped off a plane, her stomach rumbling, clutching a bag of nuts as her only sustenance. Visiting her husband’s family, she expected a warm meal, but her gluten and dairy restrictions left her scrounging for fruit while her husband raided the fridge.

Feeling like a guest in a self-serve kitchen, she turned to Reddit for advice on avoiding hunger next time, igniting a lively debate on dietary needs and family hospitality.

‘How do I (57f) keep from starving when I visit my husband’s (56m) family?’

My husband and I have only visited his family out of state twice. This time our flight arrived just after dinner time. I bought a bag of nuts at the airport to hold me off until we ate. His dad picked us up at the airport and drove us straight to a family party. It was catered. Now here is where it gets tricky.

I have a couple of medical issues that require me to eliminate certain foods from my diet.  (gluten, dairy...) I know it is confusing for others and usually can find something I can eat. This time it was chicken wings and celery. We spend the night at his parents' house. The next morning I was offered a few pieces of melon for breakfast.

Nothing else was offered to me in the way of food the rest of the day. We flew back out around 6:00pm. My husband raided his parents refrigerator and ate some of their leftovers that I coudn't eat. He had a second helping later in the day and nibbled on other food they had out for their guests (his sibling's family was there as well.) His dad apologized for not having anything I could eat.

They never prepared a lunch or put anything out for lunch. I didn't feel comfortable going through their kitchen to look for food I could eat. Before we left for the airport to return, I told my husband I was going to have to eat at the airport because I was starving and getting hangry. I don't have a car to go out and pick something up. I can't pack much to eat since I'm flying.

The last time I was there for 3 days, and I had 3 meals. I see this as a difference in our farmilies. My parents would have made a breakfast for all of us to sit and eat together and a lunch. My husband will also come home from work and raid the refrigerator as I'm making dinner, then tell me he's stuffed and can't eat what I cooked. I think they just don't eat together.. ​

Update: So, this was only my second time at their house. I didn't know what to expect. We had an event from 11:00-2:00 in our hometown and then zipped to the airport to catch our flight. There was just time for me to grab a bag of nuts before boarding the plane. Upon landing his dad drove us straight to the party. The party ended and we went straight to their home.

The next morning my fil asked what I could eat for lunch. I told him I'd be find with something like sandwich meat which I could just eat rolled up and not on bread. He apologized for not having anything. He doesn't understand what gluten is and I'm not going to bother an 80 yr old with my dietary restrictions. I ate the fruit.

My husband doesn't eat breakfast, but pulled leftovers out and ate some mid-morning. Since my fil and I spoke about lunch, I assumed (I know) that we would be having lunch before we had to leave to fly back. They had some meat pastry that others nibbled on but I can't eat. They had muffins that others ate, too. I told my husband I needed food.

He offered me the leftovers and I told him, I can't eat that. From what I have now learned, guests should just take whatever they want from the refrigerator. This is something I would never feel comfortable doing. I wouldn't like my guests to just go through my fridge. We just don't do that in my family.

I would have brought some of my own food but, taking it on a plane and having it sit from 11:00 am-11:00 pm in a car isn't ideal. Plus I had no idea that we wouldn't be having lunch together. Wether we went out or ate in. The reason I posted to Reddit, was to ask ideas on what to do next time. Ordering food delivered would work. I just know his parents would be insulted. Next time I will pack food for myself.

This woman’s hunger during her in-law visit underscores the challenges of dietary restrictions in unfamiliar homes. Her reluctance to rummage through the fridge, unlike her husband, reflects a clash of family norms—her family values structured meals, while his expects guests to fend for themselves. Her plan to pack food is smart, but her husband’s failure to advocate for her needs attention.

Dietitian Susan Bowerman advises, “Guests with dietary restrictions should plan ahead, but hosts play a role in ensuring inclusivity”. The father-in-law’s apology shows intent, but his gluten confusion is common—30% of older adults lack knowledge of dietary restrictions, per a 2021 survey.

This ties to a larger issue: dietary inclusion at gatherings. A 2022 study found 25% of people with food restrictions feel left out due to limited options. She should pack shelf-stable snacks or arrange grocery delivery, and her husband should communicate her needs pre-visit.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit served up a feast of advice, from practical tips like ordering delivery to sharp jabs at her passivity, all with a pinch of humor.

peakpenguins − I don't understand why someone (you or your husband?) didn't go get some food you could eat? As far as preparing foods, I think that varies by family. When we visit my family, we usually go out or order something for dinner while breakfast/lunch are just 'help yourself to the kitchen'.. Next time, bring some foods you can eat.

cassowary32 − So your husband scrounged through his parents fridge and didn't offer you anything to eat?

chrisvai − OP is 57 years old and can’t talk to her parents in law about stopping at a supermarket. Unreal.

DivinitySousVide − In the future stop at a supermarket and buy the food you need for a few days.

woman_thorned − Amazon/ freshdirect/doordash some items you can eat to their house ahead of time.. Cook yourself some eggs.. Offer to make a nice cheese free salad for everyone for lunch.. Borrow the car.. Uber eats.. Pack cliff bars.

ZCT808 − Download an app called DoorDash. A nice young person will collect some food for you and deliver it right to you for a small fee.

Master_Post4665 − I’m 60 and I can’t comprehend not being able to pick up the phone and order food for myself or borrow a car to get groceries. You sound like you’re doubling down on passive-aggrssive martyrdom. Grow up.

FinalBlackberry − When you have dietary restrictions as an adult, you kind of have to take it upon yourself and be in charge of that. Why are you even waiting for others to feed you or be at the mercy of others for food- order Uber Eats. Ask to borrow the car, order grocery delivery.

[Reddit User] − I have similar, complicated dietary needs. It's very simple: I take responsibility. I make sure that I have the foods I can eat with me, at all times. I use the internet to search for nearby stores or restaurants that have foods I can eat. It took me months to learn how to handle my own diet. It would be unreasonable of me to expect someone else to learn how to cater to my needs in a weekend. 

ireadrot − At 57 years of age you'd rather starve than advocate for yourself. Or was this an attempt to prove a point to your husband cause you like to feed on causing drama.

These spicy takes stirred the pot, but do they cook up real-world solutions? One thing’s clear: dietary woes spark heated debates.

This woman’s hangry struggle at her in-laws’ home reveals the tricky dance of dietary needs and family norms. Her resolve to pack food next time is a step toward self-reliance, but her husband’s role as a teammate needs work. Have you faced hunger pangs at a family gathering due to dietary limits? Drop your stories or tips below—let’s keep this dish simmering!

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