For refusing to give this lady more breastmilk for her baby?

In a world where acts of kindness can sometimes lead to unexpected conflicts, one new mother’s generous donation of extra breastmilk has ignited a heated debate. Her selfless contribution, meant to support another family in need, instead became the center of controversy when subtle accusations turned into a public spat. The tension arose over claims that her milk was causing discomfort for the recipient’s baby, and demands for dietary changes added fuel to the fire.

This unfolding drama is set against the backdrop of modern online communities, where social media amplifies both support and criticism. The emotional turmoil and confusion reflect the complexities of sharing something as personal as breastmilk. With every act of generosity comes responsibility—and sometimes, misunderstanding—prompting a broader conversation about expectations, gratitude, and the challenges of communal support.

‘For refusing to give this lady more breastmilk for her baby?’

For more context: I had a baby 6weeks ago, I apparently am an overproducer and I’m pumping and storage the milk because I produce way more of what my baby eats. I donated some breastmilk through a group on fbk called Human Milk for Human babies, I donated around 400oz (Around 3-4 days of pumping work) to a lady, the only thing I ask was more storage bags so I could possibly keep providing her with more milk.

She did brought some bags but when I gave her the milk, she didn’t even say thank you or anything, she just left. I assume she was just o**rwhelmed and busy running because she had baby in the car, so I didn’t give a lot of thought. She then reached out to get more milk if I had more but that it had made her baby’s tummy hurt like it made him gassy, so she wondered if I was willing to change my diet to see if it was something I was eating.

I was willing to stop eating some stuff but my baby has not been gassy or had colics so I asked her if she is letting baby swallow air while feeding. I felt so bad and started doubting myself, I didn’t sleep thinking that I might have make her baby’s tummy hurt and that was eating me up, I apologize for making her babies tummy hurt, and she proceeded to tell me that she is mixing the breastmilk with formula to make it last longer.

I don’t mind how you feed your baby but I told her I could also possibly be the formula that is causing him to be gassy too, she kept saying it was the breastmilk. I told her that I could not longer donate more milk as I wouldn’t want to hurt her baby and she called me selfish and practically dragged me on the fbk group. AITAH for not wanting to donate more milk after she told me I was hurting her babies tummy?

Update: As some of you in the comments suggested I reached out to the admin of the group, I sent her the screenshots of our conversation, I’ll update again when the admin reply, I have thought about blocking her but just decided to leave her on read.. 2nd Update: I did some research on the “Mixing Formula and Breastmilk” thing and it’s actually a thing BUT it only works if done correctly.

It also says that it can cause babies to get gassy, fuzzy and an increase in tooting.. Update on admin: The admin replied to my message and she agreed that it’s unacceptable the post she made and the way she was talking to me on fbk messenger. I told the admin that I didn’t want her to be banned from the group as her baby probably still needs the milk.

The admin said she reached out to her and gave her a warning but she started name calling so she banned her from the group. I also blocked her in case she wanted to come call me names.. Thank you everyone who took their time to respond.

This story reflects the complexity of generous acts turning sour when expectations clash. The donor’s dilemma—balancing personal well-being with the desire to help—illustrates how even the purest intentions can be misinterpreted. In her case, a well-meaning act of donating extra breastmilk spiraled into accusations and public shaming, raising questions about the responsibilities inherent in such intimate exchanges.

Analyzing the situation further, it appears that miscommunication played a significant role. The recipient’s request for dietary changes, coupled with her decision to mix breastmilk with formula, created confusion over the true cause of the baby’s discomfort. This not only put the donor in a difficult position but also exposed the gaps in understanding about milk composition and infant digestion. Such conflicts underscore the importance of clear guidelines and open dialogue in informal milk-sharing communities.

Broadening the discussion, it’s clear that milk sharing—though rooted in generosity—carries challenges. Many donors and recipients may not fully grasp how external factors, like diet or feeding techniques, influence an infant’s reaction to milk. According to recent studies, misinterpretations about the source of a baby’s gas or colic are common, and these misunderstandings can quickly escalate into conflicts within online groups. Better education on lactation science and infant nutrition might help prevent such disputes.

A notable perspective comes from Dr. Jack Newman, a respected pediatrician and lactation consultant, who states, “While donor milk is a remarkable gift, minor variations in a donor’s diet rarely compromise its overall quality. Clear communication between donor and recipient is essential to ensure that both parties understand that the milk itself is generally safe and beneficial.” His insights emphasize that a nuanced understanding of breastmilk’s properties can alleviate unwarranted blame and encourage informed decision-making.

Finally, experts recommend that both donors and recipients seek advice from healthcare professionals when concerns arise. Consulting lactation consultants or pediatric nutritionists can provide clarity and help tailor feeding practices to the baby’s specific needs. This approach not only fosters mutual respect but also creates a safer, more supportive environment for milk sharing. Clear guidelines and open channels of communication can transform such encounters into positive, learning experiences for all involved.

See what others had to share with OP:

The overall sentiment in the community is that the donor’s generous act deserves respect, and many believe the recipient’s behavior was overly demanding and ungrateful. The general consensus underscores that sharing extra breastmilk should be celebrated, not exploited, and that setting boundaries is entirely justified.

Users also noted that online debates tend to amplify strong reactions, reminding everyone that genuine acts of kindness can sometimes attract misplaced criticism. In essence, the community widely supports the donor’s decision to step back and encourages a more respectful and understanding approach in milk-sharing exchanges.

HoshiJones − I just loathe entitled, ungrateful people like this.. Of COURSE you're NTA. Donating your milk is a lovely, selfless act of generosity and she doesn't deserve it.

pinkyyylatte − you were just trying to do a good deed and ended up getting dragged into drama. This lady sounds like she needs a reality check on how lucky she is to have someone donate breastmilk to her in the first place.

Don't feel bad for standing your ground, you shouldn't have to change your diet for someone else's baby. And for her to mix the breastmilk with formula? That just defeats the purpose of receiving donated milk. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one.

Mom1274 − I'm sorry come again... you donated b**ast milk to someone in need and then they have the audacity to tell you to change your diet and that it's your b**ast milk not the formula that is giving the baby gas.

Nah, NTA. This lady is entitled. I would reach out to the admins with screenshot and explain the situation. Could be she's done this in the past. But also block her on that group so you can't see her & vice versa

crowhusband − NTA, and the first red flag was this d**bass asking you to change your diet. was she just... like planning on turning you into a permanent milk fuel pump??? like no, you *donated* what was *extra*, it's not your responsibility what happens after that

MaskedCrocheter − In the

You are right in not giving her more just in case there's a compatibility issue. She also shouldn't be mixing the b**ast milk and formula. They should be given separately so she can monitor if there are issues and what exactly is causing those issues.

RaddishSlaw − NTA. You are donating your milk for free so you could never be the AH. If she is sure the breastmilk is upsetting her baby surely she would want to stop using it. More likely you are saving her money and to her that is worth the uspsetting to you and her baby.

pigandpom − You did a good deed. Unfortunately, the recipient of your good deed is selfish and demanding. If her telling you all this is in form of messages, forward them to the admin of the group. She shouldn't be attempting to call you out in a Facebook group when she's the one who was mixing formula in with b**ast milk. You're very much NTA

CandleSea4961 − She needs to be on Choosing Beggers subreddit. No, you do not need to change your diet. No, you do not have to give her more: you need to block her.

[Reddit User] − In my area you buy breastmilk from a place for safety reasons. Maybe consider donating either there or directly to a hospital that will also oversee it. (Hospitals here will give it to moms for free if you can’t pay.) You don’t need to be personally interacting with people especially ungrateful ones. You’re doing a really nice thing. NTA

Aromatic-Arugula-896 − NTA. You are very kind and generous and that lady needs a reality check..

In conclusion, this story not only highlights the challenges of milk sharing but also opens up a broader discussion about communication and responsibility within supportive communities. What began as a generous act turned into a cautionary tale about expectations and the fine line between helpfulness and overreach.

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s learn from each other’s perspectives.

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