AITA for not telling my bf that my dad/family is “rich”?

Jonathan Hours
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In the swirling dynamics of modern relationships, sharing personal information is always a delicate matter, especially when it comes to financial status. The story we’re about to delve into sparked considerable debate on Reddit, where a young woman faced an unexpected reaction from her boyfriend after he visited her father’s home for the first time.

Was this just a minor misunderstanding, or does it harbor deeper concerns about the foundation of their relationship? Let’s explore this story together to see if the woman was truly “at fault” in this situation!

‘AITA for not telling my bf that my dad/family is “rich”?’

So, my bf “Callum” and I have been together for 8 months, and over this long weekend I figured it would be a good time for him to meet my dad. He has met my mom and stepdad a couple of times, but always at restaurants or my place. But for this meeting with my dad we went over to his place for lunch. Looking back on it, Callum was immediately uptight when he saw where my dad lives, but I thought it was just nerves.

He was acting pretty strange all through lunch, and was very cagey about any questions my dad or his wife asked. But again, I chocked it up nerves. Well, when we were driving back he blew up (not yelling or anything, just clearly frustrated) that I never told him my dad is rich. I was confused and asked why he’d need to know my dad’s income.

Callum said he would have prepared himself better if he’d known and that I sent him in there “blind” because you’re meant to warn your partner or potential pitfalls when they meet your parents. I was still confused what about my dad’s tax bracket was a potential pitfall. I could see warning him if my dad was incredibly snobbish about dress sense or manners but he isn’t.

Callum then asked if I’d also “hidden” that my mom and stepdad were rich which I admitted I guess I did, although I take issue with him calling it hiding something, it’s just not relevant. Callum hasn’t let it go and is now digging into irrelevant stuff such as my previous vacations, my living situation, and my job, apparently so he can figure out what exactly my “lifestyle” is. I think he’s totally lost the plot.

But up until now he’s been a really sweet, unassuming, chill person so I’m wondering if I really am the problem? To clarify, my parents are not rich like what you would think of when you think rich. Both my dad and stepdad have been successful and been able to give themselves and their kids nice lives but we aren’t the Waltons. And even if we were, is this a thing you “warn” people about???

Sharing information about family background, especially financial status, in a relationship is a sensitive process that requires tact and understanding from both sides. According to Dr. Erika Martinez, a licensed clinical psychologist, “Comfort levels with discussing money vary greatly from person to person and are influenced by factors such as personal experiences, family culture, and societal views.” (According to an article on Psychology Today about discussing finances in relationships).

In this case, Callum’s reaction suggests he may be feeling insecure about his position compared to his girlfriend’s family. The difference in economic status could be triggering anxieties about expectations within the relationship, about his ability to meet a “lifestyle” he perceives his girlfriend is accustomed to. His “digging” into information about her past trips, living situation, and job clearly shows his attempt to “position” himself within this new financial context.

However, labeling the “wealth” of his girlfriend’s family as a “pitfall” might be an overreaction. While tactfully sharing significant differences in economic standing can help a partner prepare psychologically, keeping this information private in the early stages of a relationship is not necessarily a wrong action. What truly matters is the attitude and behavior of the girlfriend’s family towards Callum. If they are not discriminatory or snobbish in any way, Callum’s worries might stem from personal biases or societal pressures regarding the male role as the financial “provider” in a relationship.

To resolve this issue, both need to have an honest and open conversation. Callum should share his worries and feelings calmly, avoiding accusatory language. On her part, the girlfriend should listen and understand her boyfriend’s anxieties, while also affirming that her feelings are not dictated by financial matters. Perhaps a sincere reassurance and practical actions demonstrating respect for Callum’s circumstances will help soothe the doubts in his mind.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

“The Reddit community offered a range of perspectives, with some leaning towards the boyfriend’s feelings of being blindsided and unprepared for the wealth disparity, suggesting the girlfriend should have provided some context. Others felt the girlfriend wasn’t obligated to disclose her family’s financial status, especially early in the relationship, and that the boyfriend’s reaction might be rooted in his own insecurities or societal pressures.

KronkLaSworda − Going with NAH

It sounds to me that this is less about your dad being rich, and more about his worry about your expectations in how much money your partner should be making. If his prospects don't include a country club lifestyle that you're accustomed to, he'll be worried that you'll become upset. I think you two should sit down and talk this out a bit.

[Reddit User] − I was going to say you’re not, but Jesus every response highlights how you are so oblivious to everything going on and incredibly defensive about your situation. You are the picture of “we’re not rich because super ultra rich people exist”. Yikes. YTA.

[Reddit User] − INFO even with the clarification, a bit more is still needed. Like either approximate house value or income range. Like sure, he may not be 1% but is his income such that it could be off putting? Based off what's been provided I'd say NTA but I could understand his side of feeling ill prepared.

He only has one shot to make a first impression and feeling under dressed or just ill prepared is hell. He maybe wondering too if you aren't about to flip script on him at some point and want to take vacations to Europe or Maui, or need a $50k ring, etc. Which is why he's digging.

thirdtryisthecharm − INFO You have not described ANYTHING about your parents living situation. How about you actually outline some of that before asking people to judge Callum's reaction.

peeeeeg − YTA. You tell someone when you or your family is 1%er rich. You’re out of touch with the real world.

[Reddit User] − I come from a wealthy family and that has impacted my life even if I myself am not wealthy. And you may not find your dad snobbish, but since leaving the family home, going to school, and just generally being an adult in the world for over a decade now,

I can recognize that what I thought was normal growing up can be very jarring to people who didn’t have my upbringing. . It doesn’t feel relevant to you, but it’ll be relevant to a lot of the people around you. . NAH, but you’re being naive. 

Maybe he feels like now he's not

When I was in my 20s, I dated someone whose family was much richer than mine. It's intimidating for no other reason than society trains you to see wealth as inherently moral. Rich people are people who are better. It's scary when you're meeting the parents ! You feel like it's gonna be even harder to measure to the parents' expectations.

It changes things for him, and I don't really blame him for that. It's an entire set of representations that he has to adapt to the new information. But I also think that it's a fairly young relationship (8 months), and you didn't have to disclose anything. God knows opening with that sort of data point could attract the wrong people.

Plus, as you noted in a comment, how do other people talk about their parents ? Not usually by mentioning their income bracket. For sure, some things could/should have come up when you were talking about your childhood or your life with them.

The kind of vacation you take, and the kind someone with parents on minimum wage take, are probably very different for instance. So I'd guess that's why he's going through all of it again in his mind, reading that with this newfound information. Give him time. I think it's a rare NAH case here, and he needs time to process it. If his erratic behavior lasts however, you become N T A.

bryzzatheleo − YTA based on your responses to other comments. I would want to know if my partner's family is rich because it would prepare me for the gold digger comments that are inevitable. You literally threw him to the wolves.

If you plan with being with him long-term, this is something you should have told him. The fact that you aren't acknowledging how rich you truly are is a red flag. There is nothing humble about it. If I were Callum, I would reconsider this relationship.

SushiGuacDNA − NAH. Money is weird and powerful, so I can understand why your BF is confused. He is trying to evaluate whether this

But you didn't do anything wrong either. You don't owe him a background report on your family. And it sounds like your family isn't full of rich-judgy people who are going to hate him for being financially more

ookiebadookie − ESH - Callum is going overboard but OP is clearly very very wealthy and a warning would be nice. I can see Callum being uncomfortable not understanding that he was dating someone in the top 1%. Have you shared any finances? Shared dating expenses? OP is pretending that she is not super rich which is also kind of wild.

The story of revealing (or not revealing) financial differences in a relationship has opened up an interesting debate. Clearly, there is no one-size-fits-all rule, and sensitivity, sincerity, and the ability to communicate openly remain key to resolving such issues.

So, what do you think about this situation? Should the girlfriend have “warned” her boyfriend about her family’s financial status? Was Callum’s reaction reasonable? And most importantly, what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

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