Finally meeting my (29m) online “girlfriend” (29f) after years of talking, it’s not going well.

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a guy, heart racing with anticipation, boarding a plane to finally meet the woman he’s spent years bonding with online. The snowy streets of Canada glimmered with promise as he arrived, ready for cozy nights and heartfelt talks. But instead of warm embraces, he found himself staring at hotel room walls, alone, while his “girlfriend” battled crippling anxiety just minutes away. His dream trip turned into a puzzle of confusion and heartache.

This 29-year-old’s story tugs at the heartstrings, revealing the messy reality of turning virtual sparks into real-world connection. With only one day left before his flight home, he’s grappling with disappointment and doubt about their future. It’s a tale that makes us wonder: can love survive when anxiety calls the shots? Let’s dive into his journey and unpack what went wrong.

‘Finally meeting my (29m) online “girlfriend” (29f) after years of talking, it’s not going well.’

A couple years ago I (29m) met a girl (29f) through an online circle, we talked frequently and it was always a great time. She's very passionate about a lot of the same things I am and is very career driven which is something I'm looking for. Early last year she opened up about having feelings for me, which I was receptive to.

We started spending more time online together and eventually it got to a point where she would be telling her coworkers and family members about her 'boyfriend', this didn't bother me too much, I'm very interested, but for me I had to meet her to seal that deal.

Fast forward to Christmas and my gift to her was going to be a trip up to meet her (USA to Canada). Trip was very expensive but worth it. We had talked about me going to meet her a few times, thought it was better that way as she has a lot of anxiety (very important for later) and health issues that would make it much harder for her (esp in this current political climate).

Well that trip happened this weekend. I'm currently typing this out from my hotel room, which I've spent the vast majority of my time here alone in. The trip to see her started off how I expected. I don't know this city at all, it's a country I've only been too a few times, and I was nervous myself.

Took a 40 minute Uber to my hotel and expected by the time I got there that she would have worked out her nerves and be ready to meet me. Unfortunately her anxiety was extra bad and it took her another 2 hours to work up the courage to drive 5 minutes to come see me.

This didn't bother me at the time, I knew it'd be rough and I'm a patient dude (for the most part). We met, she was shaking and bawling her eyes out, but overall it was great, some hugs and we drove to her place. She lives with her brother so I was able to meet him and we chilled out for a little while.

Her anxiety was still through the roof though so we didn't actually do much for the next couple of hours, she wanted to drive around and show me some stuff but couldn't, eventually she decided I should probably Uber back instead of her driving me.

Next morning I was up extra early, she usually works nights so I figured she wouldn't be up for a bit. Not knowing the city I chose to stay in and wait till she was awake. 4 hours later she messages me, we talk for a bit and she tells me she's not quite ready to see me as the nerves are still there.

That's fine, I found a d**g store in walking distance I can pick some stuff up at and get us some food at a local spot before meeting up. Fast forward about 2 hours later and I finally get back to her place. She doesn't eat anything and tells me her brother, her, and myself are going to go to a get together and hang out with a bunch of their friends.

That's cool, I ask her how long we'll be there and she said a few hours. We leave, it's about an hour drive. Everyone of her friends were great, super welcoming and she seemed really happy to introduce me as her boyfriend.

Little party lasts a good portion of the night, we don't talk much as I'm usually getting bounded by her friends or she's playing a game or something. It's around 10 when we go to leave, still plenty of night left I figured, she tends to be up till 3 or 4 in the morning so I was pretty pumped to get to spend the rest of the night together.

However as we get in the car she asks her brother if it's cool that she takes me to the hotel before they go home, he says yeah, and I just get to sit in shock the whole way back that she's too drained to spend a couple of hours of quality time with her 'boyfriend' she just met.

At this point it's all starting to catch up to me and I'm feeling pretty bad. I get back to the hotel room and I'm just -confused- by this whole trip. I'm alone, in a hotel room, in a country I don't know, with my 'girlfriend' a few minutes away, not knowing what to do.

What the hell is going on? I fear messaging her about it is going to make her anxiety worse, but at this point I don't know what to do. I'm set to meet her mom in the evening for dinner, and at this point I feel like I've met everyone except for my 'girlfriend'. So I message her that.

She's very apologetic, saying her anxiety is through the roof still and she wanted to make this trip worth it for me but she's just drained. She makes an effort to let me know she is still very interested and everything, but she knows if we're alone together that nothing would happen because she's just too nervous, she hasn't been in a relationship in a couple of years so it's hard for her.

I tell her I don't even want to try anything intimate if that was her fear, I've barely hugged her this trip and there's a lot more steps in that process before anything like that could happen. I just want to spend some quality time together. She said tomorrow after I meet her mom there will probably be time. All that said, today is my last day here. I leave early tomorrow morning on a flight.

I feel like this whole thing has been a waste and I'm still just confused. I wanted to spend quality time with her, not sit on a hotel room alone for most of my trip. In my mind she would want to be with me every waking moment of this trip, our time is so short, we've talked about it for ages like that was going to be the case... I don't know if the relationship can last after this.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Meeting an online partner in person is like stepping off a digital tightrope into reality’s unpredictability. For this man, the trip to Canada was a leap of faith, met with unexpected solitude due to his girlfriend’s severe anxiety.

His frustration is palpable: he expected quality time, but her anxiety dictated the schedule. Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychologist specializing in high sensitivity, notes, “Anxiety can overwhelm social interactions, especially in high-stakes situations like meeting a partner” (The Highly Sensitive Person). Her condition likely amplified the pressure, leaving her avoidant despite her feelings.

This situation highlights a broader issue: mental health’s impact on relationships. A 2022 study from the National Alliance on Mental Illness found that 64% of people with anxiety disorders struggle with maintaining close relationships (NAMI). Her introducing him to friends but avoiding one-on-one time suggests comfort in familiar settings, not rejection.

Dr. Aron advises that partners of anxious individuals practice patience but set boundaries. He should express his need for connection calmly, perhaps suggesting low-pressure activities like a coffee shop visit. Exploring resources like Anxiety Canada could help her manage symptoms. For now, he should reflect on whether her efforts to address her anxiety align with his relationship goals, ensuring his needs aren’t sidelined.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad jumped in with a mix of empathy and tough love, like a group of buddies dissecting a bad date over beers. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, brimming with advice and a dash of wit.

Franjomanjo1986 − You had to give it a shot... But it sounds like it didn't work out. You need to be honest and tell her how this made you feel. If she wants to keep seeing you, she's gotta travel to you next time. If she's too anxious for that, then you're not compatible and wasting your time.

Are_You_On_Email − Dude, you have one more night in this city you will probably not visit again. I say go out, explore the city with whatever time you have left. Find some cool local food stuff and go to a bar or two.  Sorry your trip has not worked out like you would have like it too. But might as well make the most of what little time you have left

Birdiloooo − As someone with anxiety myself I have to wonder what exactly is she doing to treat herself? She’s expecting people to accommodate her 100% and doing nothing to work through it. Or she is using it as an accuse because she isn’t into it. Either way, I don’t think this relationship is fair for you. I would let her down gently and go home single.

mjschacha − She needs professional help. I would kindly cancel meeting mother. Tell her it doesn’t make sense to meet her mother because you don’t know HER. Let her know outright, that you feel this trip signals the end of any ideas of a romantic relationship because she is clearly not well enough.

Tell her you would love to remain friends, but you are not putting your life on hold for someone who needs to deal with her mental health issues. Honesty is the kindest thing you can do for her. Hopefully it will put a mirror up for her to make efforts to get the help she needs. Lying or playing along is crueler than being honest in a kind way. Good Luck!

swazi44 − It sounds like you are not gonna make this trip again, and it doesn't seem like she has the ability to come to you, so what's next regardless?

Th4tR4nd0mGuy − Cut your losses, dude. You’ve met up once and you’re already questioning telling her how you feel in case you trigger her *already debilitating* anxiety. She hasn’t made any effort to actually speak to you and spend time with you,

but is comfortable enough to drag you to a party to meet her friends? Yeah nah. She knew you’d be visiting and that you’d have a finite amount of time together and she’s made minimal effort in actually spending any of it with you. This ain’t the one.

ProfessionalBelt4900 − I’m proud of you for finally ripping off the bandaid and going to see her. That takes courage, and it needed to be done to see if you are actually compatible. But, this is clearly not going to work. It’s not surprising that she’s turned out to be so avoidant.

Having a multi-year online relationship isn’t something you do when you want a real relationship with a living breathing person (I’m sure there’s exceptions but this doesn’t sound like one of them). You are wasting, arguably, the prime years of your life on a ghost girlfriend,

and I really hope you don’t continue to talk to her and “work through it” when you get back. These are teenager/emotionally stunted games. Learn from it and move on with someone you can actually spend time with. I wish you the best.

00Lisa00 − She’s perfectly happy with an online relationship. She probably thought she’d never actually meet you. It’s already been years. Unless you want more years of just talking I don’t think she’s the one

Worldly_Yellow9134 − 'My anxiety is too much I can't meet you' Lol k. No thanks. Why would you even want to be with someone like that? Unless, of course, you want to live a life of nothingness.

Ninfae − Tell her you want to spend the last day together because you want to get to know her and this is really important to you. This can be in a public place if that makes her feel more relaxed. If she still can’t do that, then I think you know enough.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, urging him to explore the city solo or cut ties gently. Some saw her anxiety as a dealbreaker, while others pushed for honesty to spark change. But do their hot takes capture the full story, or are they just armchair quarterbacking? One thing’s certain: this trip has everyone buzzing.

This man’s journey from virtual romance to real-world letdown is a stark reminder that love doesn’t always follow the script. Whether he gives her another chance or walks away, his courage to take the leap deserves respect. The Reddit community leans toward moving on, but the heart’s a tricky navigator. Have you ever faced a gap between online chemistry and real-life reality? What would you do in his shoes? Drop your thoughts and let’s keep the convo rolling.

For those who want to read the sequel:[UPDATE] Finally meeting my (29m) online “girlfriend” (29f) after years of talking, it’s not going well

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