AITAH for considering breaking up with my fiancée because she talked bad about my sister?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The journey to marriage is often filled with excitement and anticipation for a shared future. However, sometimes red flags emerge that can make one question the very foundation of the relationship. For a 36-year-old man, let’s call him Mark, his upcoming wedding is now in jeopardy after he discovered the deeply negative feelings his 38-year-old fiancée harbors towards his sister.

Mark has always been incredibly proud of his 32-year-old sister, who became a single mother at 19. Despite facing numerous challenges, she successfully completed college and built a successful career, raising her now 13-year-old daughter, whom Mark describes as intelligent and well-behaved. Unfortunately, Mark’s fiancée has consistently maintained a distance from his sister, and her true feelings were recently revealed in a way that has left Mark utterly disgusted and questioning their entire relationship.

‘AITAH for considering breaking up with my fiancée because she talked bad about my sister?’

I 36m have been together with my fiancée 38f for 4 years, we are in the middle of planning our wedding and are just about to send out invites. However, I am not so sure I want to go through with the wedding anymore. For some backstory, my sister 32f got pregnant at 18 and her boyfriend left, she had her baby at 19

Her daughter is now 13 years old and she is one of the smartest, most well behaved and one of the greatest kids I have ever met. My sister had a rough time, but with the help from our grandma, she managed to get through college and land a great job. She has done so much great things and her being a young single mother never made her a bad person.

My fiancée has always been quite distant with my sister since she found out this. A year into our relationship we were hanging out with my sister, drinking and talking. She, from nowhere, blurted out “Sooo, why did you just not abort her?”. It caused an argument but me and my sister forgave her for it because we chalked it up to her just being drunk.

But she has always had these backhanded things to say to my sister, but my sister always assured me it did not matter. Last Saturday, she was on the phone with her friend. She was in the living room and I was in the kitchen, I think that she either talked loud without noticing or just did not know I could hear her.

She was talking about my sister being a failure, that if she ever had a daughter that did the same she would make sure that she was shunned and would make sure that the baby died. She said that it was sad that my sister was “such a stupid f**king b**ch” and decided to ruin her life over a kid that it is not even all that.

She went on and on, laughing and saying hurtful things about my sister. I was disgusted with her. I talked with her about it on Monday and she went off on me invading her privacy, that I had no respect for her and that I had no right to listen to her conversation. I told her if that were her true feelings and she said that I was even more stupid than my sister if I didn’t realize that she has always felt that way.

We ended the conversation there and she has been acting like if nothing happened. Would I be a jerk if I cancel our wedding because of this? Is this even a valid reason. I love my sister and I know that she is not a failure, but hearing her talk about my family in that way hurts me and I did not think that about her. How can I spend the rest of my life with someone who thinks that way about my own family?

Marriage is a partnership built on love, respect, and shared values. When one partner harbors deep-seated negativity and disrespect towards the other’s family, it can create a fundamental rift that is difficult, if not impossible, to bridge. Mark’s fiancée’s comments about his sister extend beyond mere dislike; they reveal a level of judgment and cruelty that is deeply concerning, especially in the context of a long-term commitment like marriage.

According to Dr. Wendy Walsh, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationships, “Disrespect is a relationship killer.” The fiancée’s derogatory language and her wish for harm to come to Mark’s niece are not only hurtful but also indicative of a lack of empathy and compassion. Her reaction when confronted, focusing on Mark “invading her privacy” rather than addressing the content of her hateful words, further suggests a lack of accountability and an unwillingness to acknowledge the impact of her behavior.

The fiancée’s admission that she has always felt this way about Mark’s sister, and that he was “stupid” for not realizing it, is a significant revelation. It implies a level of deception throughout their four-year relationship, where she may have been masking her true feelings. This lack of honesty and the deeply negative nature of her views raise serious questions about her character and her ability to be a supportive and loving partner to Mark, especially considering the importance of family in many people’s lives.

Considering these factors, Mark’s contemplation of calling off the wedding is not an overreaction but a thoughtful consideration of the long-term implications of marrying someone who holds such disdain for a significant member of his family.

A healthy marriage thrives on mutual respect and support, not on hidden resentments and cruel judgments. Mark has every right to prioritize his relationship with his sister and to question whether he can build a happy and fulfilling life with someone who demonstrates such a lack of empathy and respect towards his loved ones.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community has overwhelmingly supported Mark, with a resounding “NTA” (Not the Asshole) verdict. Commenters expressed shock and disgust at the fiancée’s hateful comments and strongly urged Mark to call off the wedding and end the relationship immediately.

Many highlighted the severity of the fiancée’s statements and warned Mark about the potential for future conflict and unhappiness if he were to marry someone who holds such negative views about his family. Let’s delve into the strong opinions and advice offered by the Reddit hive mind.

CampusTour − NTA. Run dude, what she said to your sister and what you overheard was some borderline p**cho s**t. And yeah you didn't realize it earlier, because she's been hiding it. She feels secure since you're about to get married, so the mask slipped. If it really was a

Would she have gone off about her privacy if you overheard her talking about picking up milk on the way home? If it wasn't, the reaction would have been more like

Gnd_flpd − Whoever you fell in love with was

She barely has any respect for you and I'm willing to bet her ass has said something similarly disrespectful to your sister, but you sister did not tell you, probably because you appear to be so whipped you're just considering cancelling the wedding, hell you should have kicked her to the curb after her insulting comment!!!. NTA. Edit: word

Jervic94 − NTA. Breakup with her.. Your fiancee is a cunt. When people show you who they are, believe them.. Apropos of nothing she said your niece should've be aborted and your sister is a stupid f**king b**ch.

Cute-Profession9983 − This is a PERFECT reason to cancel your wedding. Her mask came off.

phyrsis − NTA. You can break up with anyone at any time for any reason, and it's absolutely understandable to not want to be in a relationship with a mean b**ch.

Comfortable-Bug1737 − Why didn't you break up on the spot? What weird, jealous behaviour. A 13 year old that isn't even all that! I feel for your sister.

SuccessfulSeaweed385 − You would be the a**hole if you don't cancel the wedding immediately.

Sunshine-N-gumdrops − Don’t just cancel the wedding, end the relationship.

AddaCHR − Do you really need to ask yourself the question ?! Like your fiancée is truly a vile person and the fact that she is saying that about your sister warrant an automatic breakup.. NTA

Tfuentexxx − Man you are allowing her to talk this way about your sister, your niece and yourself (But, I agree with her in that you are the most stupid here, even more than your crappy fiancee) and then come here to ask this. Really? This woman is a cunt and you will marry her?

She would have shunned a kid she doesn't like or meet her standards. Wow great prospect of a mother. She is a f**king h**ocrite and moralist, manipulator and good at gaslighting. But what she is even better at is picking pushovers to date and marry her. I hope your sister and niece have other support in your family, because you suck at it.

These comments from Reddit users leave no room for doubt: the fiancée’s behavior is unacceptable, and Mark is not the asshole for considering calling off the wedding. The community emphasizes the severity of her words, her lack of remorse, and the potential for long-term unhappiness if Mark were to proceed with the marriage. The advice is consistent: prioritize family and end the relationship.

Mark’s situation presents a clear conflict between his love for his fiancée and his loyalty to his sister. The fiancée’s hateful and judgmental comments reveal a fundamental lack of respect for Mark’s family, which is a significant red flag for any long-term relationship, especially marriage. Mark’s contemplation of canceling the wedding is a rational response to a serious issue that could have profound implications for his future happiness and his relationship with his family.

What do you think Mark should do? Is his fiancée’s behavior forgivable? Can a marriage thrive when one partner holds such negative views about the other’s family? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below.

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