AITA getting my ex in trouble during therapy with me and his current wife?

In a world where blended families are increasingly common, emotional storms often brew beneath the surface—especially when loyalties and perceptions collide. A therapy session meant to heal differences turned into a dramatic revelation, sparking a firestorm of accusations and painful honesty. The tension was palpable, and the stakes were high as raw emotions emerged in front of an audience that never expected family secrets to come to light.

This story unfolds in a setting of familial complexity: a divorced couple, step-relations, and children caught in the middle of conflicting loyalties. Amid charged words and unresolved grievances, the session not only exposed long-hidden resentments but also illuminated the intricate dance of blended family dynamics. The narrative invites readers to explore these deeply human struggles with empathy, wit, and a touch of humor.

‘AITA getting my ex in trouble during therapy with me and his current wife?’

My ex-husband (40m) and I (36f) share three kids (12f, 11f and 9m). Since our divorce my ex has remarried. His wife Janie (38f) has two of her own kids (13m, 7m) who she has full custody of. So they've made a very blended family. I have a partner (43m) myself now but we don't live together or anything so he's not directly involved here.

The problem is my kids dislike Janie, my girls more so, and they feel like she tries to play their mom and push me out. They have mentioned specific incidents which led me to address the concerns with my ex and after a while of this it strained things between me and them (ex and Janie). They told me they didn't believe me and said I must be the reason the kids were causing trouble at their house.

They never specified what this trouble was. At one point after things got bad my ex admitted to me that the kids had complained about the same things to him regarding Janie and he wasn't telling her.. This landed us back in court and into therapy together for co-parenting.

In our therapy sessions Janie complained about me and said she feels like I refuse to accept she's also now a mom to my kids and wants to ruin it by making up complaints. She said anything the kids say isn't real and is just kids trying to stir s**t with the adults. During the discussion about this I brought up my ex and how the kids complained to him also and he told me as much.

This started a fight off between my ex and Janie. It derailed the session because they walked out to deal with their marital issues. My ex is pissed at me for throwing him under the bus like that. I defended myself but he said I could have approached the rebuttal differently. Janie accused me of trying to break up her marriage and being a part of stirring s**t between everyone.. AITA?

Letting your partner meet your family can feel like a monumental step in a relationship, especially in a blended family where each role is already contested. The situation here shows the difficulty of balancing children’s feelings with the need for honest adult communication. When sensitive issues surface in therapy, the fallout can be as unexpected as it is inevitable. The challenges of co-parenting in such scenarios call for careful navigation and mutual understanding.

The OP’s position reflects a common theme: advocating for children’s emotional welfare while confronting a step-parent’s overstepping role. Her actions, though seen as controversial by some, were motivated by the genuine discomfort expressed by her kids. The resulting tension between her and her ex-husband underscores how hidden grievances can emerge during moments meant for resolution. This dynamic is mirrored in many blended families where children inadvertently become the voice of suppressed sentiments.

As emotions run high and defensive postures take hold, the therapy session devolved into a battleground of truths and half-truths. Differences in how adults perceive reality become amplified when children’s honest observations challenge established narratives. In such situations, maintaining open dialogue is as crucial as it is challenging, highlighting the need for professionals who understand family dynamics and emotional triggers.

“Couples don’t always need to be right; they just need to be understanding,” advises Dr. John Gottman in one of his widely cited articles on relationship resilience. His insight reminds us that empathy is the cornerstone of overcoming conflicts. By stepping back and truly listening to each other, families can begin to dismantle the protective walls that breed mistrust and resentment.

This perspective not only sheds light on the OP’s dilemma but also offers a broader lesson on the importance of validation in healing. Ultimately, professionals suggest that clarity and compassion are key to unlocking a more harmonious family dynamic. The experts recommend that all parties engage in reflective dialogue—taking time to explore underlying emotions rather than fixating on assigning blame.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, humorous, and unfiltered. These opinions, though strong and diverse, reveal the common sentiment among redditors: while the truth may sting, honest advocacy for the kids is paramount. The community’s commentary serves as a reminder of the real-life impact behind every contentious interaction, leaving us to wonder if blunt honesty can ever truly be misinterpreted in complex family dynamics.

themcp − In our therapy sessions Janie complained about me and said she feels like I refuse to accept she's also now a mom to my kids and wants to ruin it by making up complaints. I would tell her

If you stop trying to be their mom, they might be able to have a friendly, respectful relationship to you and I'll encourage them to at least be respectful. If you keep trying to be their mom, they will resent you and I will not tell them that they shouldn't.

timorouscapp − NTA. Your kids’ feelings should be the priority here, and if they are consistently expressing discomfort about Janie, that deserves to be taken seriously. It’s concerning that your ex dismissed their concerns until it became a bigger issue. Janie seems more focused on claiming a “mom” role rather than listening to how the kids actually feel.

A stepparent should earn that place through respect and trust, not force it. The fact that your ex finally admitted the kids were telling him the same things but hid it from Janie says a lot he likely knew she wouldn’t take it well, which is exactly what happened in therapy.

You didn’t “ruin” anything. You just told the truth, and it’s not your fault that it exposed cracks in their marriage. Keep advocating for your kids, and hopefully, therapy will help them realize they need to actually listen instead of dismissing their feelings.

GlitteringVamp − Sounds like your ex-husband and his new wife need their own therapy sessions, yikes. And here I thought my in-laws were the only ones who needed constant mediation.

SignificantOrange139 − She said anything the kids say isn't real, and is just trying to stir s**t with the adults. My aunties ex-wife used to say s**t like this all the time. She was never wrong because all children but especially teenagers are psychotic narcissists. From the mouth of the bipolar d**g addict nurse who lost her job stealing meds from patients.

Why? Because I had the audacity to hide an unopened chocolate bar in my room when her youngest (sweet kid despite his mom) was going through a sticky fingers phase. NTA. People like this do not care for reality. Only their perception. You did not get him in trouble.

He lied to his wife through intentional omission and you did not owe him secrecy. In fact, given the court ordered therapy, it was important that the truth came out.. You only owe your children your support and advocacy. Not your ex.

IllustriousKey4322 − Absolutely not. F**k that chick, she doesn’t get to demand placement in your children’s lives. Shes not mom, she’s dad’s wife. He can be pissed all he wants but it’s reality and he can put his Chihuahua on a leash before she gets hung by it

Zealousideal_Mood118 − A therapist can only help people who are being honest (to the best of their ability). Everyone has to be open for the process to work. I was an adolescent mental health provider for years and parents not being open and making an effort was the biggest hurdle.

lola_ulm − NTA its not your fault that your kids feel this way and your ex needs to put the kids before his new wife. If they tell him that they are uncomfortable with her behavior he needs to address it with her instead of letting her think that you are the problem.

wlfwrtr − NTA The truth is supposed to be told in therapy or you're just wasting your money.

Difficult_Mood_3225 − NTA. Why would he even agree to therapy if he wasn’t going to tell her the truth

Dilapidated_girrafe − NTA. Janie needs to know if the issues with the kids and that they are real. The only a-hole here is your ex for not being honest. Because if Janie knows the issues are legit then she can attempt to fix it. But as long as she thought you were the problem then it was a you thing in her mind.

I wish the best for you all. And hope the kids and Janie end up getting along. I’m from a family where my step mom and I hated one another and it caused so much unneeded strain in both of our lives. And kids and adults don’t need that.

In conclusion, the intricate web of blended family relations creates a fertile ground for misunderstandings and emotional flare-ups. The session, marked by candid revelations and raw feelings, invites us to reflect on the challenges of merging separate worlds into one.

What would you do if you found yourself navigating such fraught territory? Share your thoughts, experiences, and advice, and join the discussion as we explore how best to find common ground amidst conflict.

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