Cold Hospital: When Loved Ones Are Not Around, Breathless Moments

In the midst of an overwhelming health crisis, where fear and uncertainty collide with everyday life, one woman’s experience calls into question the foundational promises of marriage. Amid the sterile corridors of a hospital, where each minute stretches into an eternity of worry, she found herself facing a dire medical emergency with little more than fleeting visits from a partner who appeared distant and preoccupied with his own frustrations.

The painful irony of her ordeal lies not only in the intense physical distress she suffered from internal bleeding but also in the emotional isolation that compounded her vulnerability. In a situation where empathy and support are expected to be the cornerstones of a loving relationship, the absence of genuine comfort left her feeling abandoned and deeply alone—a feeling that may well cast a long shadow on the vows of “in sickness and in health.”

‘AITA for being upset that my husband of 18 years left me alone at the hospital when I was bleeding internally?’

I (43F)had severe abdominal pain in the lower right side of my abdomen on a Saturday night, so bad that I thought about going to the ER, but I’m slightly phobic about hospitals and ER visits are expensive so I didn’t. It ended up feeling somewhat better by the next morning, so I put it out of my mind and was just careful, thinking I had pulled a muscle or something.

Two days later I found massive purple bruises on my stomach, very near where the random pain had been/still was, which of course freaked me TF out. I first went to my OBGYN in case my IUD had slipped and perforated something, but my IUD was fine, and no ovarian cysts/rupturing going on.

She sent me to my Primary Care. After tons of poking and prodding (painfully I might add), she sent me directly to the ER, even going so far as to call the head nurse in the ER to tell them I was coming and what my symptoms were. Her thought was that it was appendicitis, even though I had no nausea or other symptoms of that.

Long story short, after scans, labs and testing was done, I have a hematoma of the rectal sheath (rip in the abdominal wall outside the colon) and the bruises were caused by it bleeding internally. I went to the ER about 11:30- noon on Friday and spent the next 10ish hours there before a room opened up for me and I was admitted.

They weren't sure if I was going to need surgery to correct it, and no one had any idea what caused this so the concern of more/other internal bleeding was big. My husband (49M)was at work at the time. My husband picked up my 7yo from school at 3pm, and went home.

His mom is retired, alone (husband passed April 2024) and loves to spend time with the kids (I also have a 23F), but he didn't ask her to pick up our son or watch him so my husband could sit with me. He waited until 7.30pm to bring me food in the ER (I hadn't eaten all day cuz I was fasting to do bloodwork at my Primary Care appointment), stayed with me for about 30 minutes and went home again.

At that point I still wasn't sure if I needed surgery so I couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight. The next day I didn't see him until after my food/drink intake was permitted again so about 11:30am or so(my hospital lunch was delivered about 20 mins after he arrived), and he left after my doctor gave his update.

He missed the oncologist and hematologist tho, I had to deal with THAT terrifying prospect alone (my mom died of leukemia when I was 15). He wasn't very happy with the doctor, which I totally get- the doc was really offputting and borderline unprofessional (asking if my husband hit me to both of us, in the same room, after being asked this exact question at least 20 times, by several different hospital staff prior to this.

I was even asked if there was anyone I wanted to restrict from the hospital and said no), but he kept harping on it and was visibly angry, but he insisted he wasn't mad at me. I get that it was offensive, but I didn't understand why that took precedence over what was going on with my health and mental well-being.

This was my first time being a patient in a hospital, besides when my two kids were born, and my prior experience with hospitals was anything but pleasant- between my mom’s cancer and daughter’s medical issues from birth until age 12, I spent way too much time there already.

He kept bringing the doctor's comment up, then complained that the chaplain came by after me saying I didn't want the chaplain (I’m pagan- freaked him out a bit when he came by, but that's another story), then got mad about the amount the hospital was charging the insurance company.

Not what they were charging us, what they charged the insurance. I felt like the whole time I was in there, all he did was act upset and angry and, though he kept saying he wasn't mad at me, I felt like it was all about him and his feelings. I finally got to drive myself home from the hospital about 3:30pm on Monday, so it was almost 4 days in the hospital.

My husband came 3 of the 4 days and stayed about 20- 30 mins each day (he’s off weekends BTW), and missed every doctor except that one. When I got home, I got a shower to wash off the stink of disinfectant and then it was straight back to normal, as though I had never been gone. My son gave me a hug, and then ran off- fine, he’s 7.

My husband played video games until dinner, then ate and helped with some of the dishes. No “let me do that, you’re not supposed to be exerting yourself” or “Sit down and I’ll take care of dinner, you just got out of the hospital”, nothing.

I’m worried about my future. Is this a picture of what my life may be like in the future? Cancer is rampant in both sides of my family, all kinds, so I guess that means I’ll be doing chemo alone, and probably going to die alone in a hospital bed at some point.

I’m trying to move forward, but I also feel some resentment towards him (What ever happened to ‘in sickness and in health’?). I can't help but feel let down by him- I was all alone in a scary place, not knowing what was wrong or what was going to happen to me, and he couldn't be bothered to come sit with me, keep me company, help stop my freak outs or support me.

Not once did he tell me,

Navigating a health crisis is never easy, particularly when compounded by strained marital dynamics. In moments of medical emergency, the emotional support of a loved one can be a critical component in managing stress and anxiety. One key insight comes from relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, who has consistently emphasized the importance of turning toward one another during times of distress. As he notes,

“When couples actively support each other during challenging moments—even if it’s just offering a comforting word or presence—it can significantly buffer the negative impacts of stress.”

In this case, the discrepancy between the emotional support expected from a life partner and the brief, almost perfunctory visits received speaks volumes. Despite having a long-standing relationship of 18 years and sharing a life together, the husband’s actions during the crisis left a bitter impression on his wife.  His focus on minor issues rather than simply being present reveals a deeper disconnect that may undermine the trust and emotional intimacy essential to their marital bond.

Moreover, research indicates that the emotional well-being of patients often correlates with the presence of supportive family members during medical emergencies. The comforting presence of a partner not only alleviates feelings of isolation but can also play a role in a smoother recovery process by reducing stress-induced complications. From this perspective, the absence of consistent, empathetic support in the hospital is not just a personal failing—it reflects broader issues in communication and the distribution of emotional labor within the relationship.

The situation suggests a need for open, non-defensive dialogue about expectations in times of crisis. Both partners may benefit from couple’s counseling to rebuild trust and clarify roles, ensuring that future medical or personal emergencies are met with mutual support rather than isolated frustration. Addressing these issues head-on could transform the painful experience into a catalyst for lasting change in their relationship dynamics.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit community’s reactions highlight a range of perspectives on the situation. Many empathize with the author for facing such a critical health crisis alone and accuse the husband of neglecting his marital duty. Others suggest that while both parties are likely overwhelmed by the stress of the situation, the emotional support expected during such times is non-negotiable.

These comments collectively underline the sentiment that a partner should act as a source of comfort rather than a conduit for their own frustrations during emergencies. They urge both sides to reflect on how their actions (or inactions) may set the tone for the future and call for a reexamination of marital promises and expectations.

Stock-Trade-Nok − NTA. You were in the hospital with internal bleeding, uncertain about whether you needed surgery, and your husband barely showed up. He didn’t arrange childcare, didn’t stay to support you, and when he was there, he made it all about his feelings instead of yours. That’s not what a supportive partner does.

It’s not selfish to want your spouse to be there when you’re in a medical crisis. It’s basic care and concern. He didn’t even reassure you or try to comfort you, which makes it worse. I’d be questioning what kind of support you can count on from him in the future, too. You deserve better.

Lilolme802 − Are you kidding??? DEFINITELY NTA. your husband sounds like a selfish jerk.

Pure_Cat2736 − I had a burst cyst and had to be operated. My ex husband wasnt there yet he took me to the ER. Never stayed with me apart from visiting once a day, even left me with his male best friend at some point. My late mom is the one who gave consent to my operation. Post op he couldnt even take time off to be with me and had to ask his cousin’s wife to come help me around the house. We were seperated within a year. You deserve better

Senator_Bink − I have no doubt that part of the reason the doctor suspected abuse was due to your husband's unconcern, and his making himself scarce. It's true there's nothing *medical* he could have done for you, but he could have kept an eye on you to alert the nurses if you crashed, and/or to let them know whenever an IV ran out, and to be there to get reports from the doctors that you may have been too frightened to take in.

Not to mention just being there so you had someone with you who loves you. It's not a huge thing to ask. You're right to feel let down. He let you down. He made your crisis all about his feelings and inconvenience. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. NTA.

Demons_n_Sunshine − NTA. But I truly hope you divorce him. Part of your vows when getting married is

tarnishau14 − NTA. You deserve better. You have already been seriously ill and he was not there for you. When someone who shows you who they are, believe them.

MoonLover318 − NTA. Do you know why the dr kept harping on it? Because they noticed that he wasn’t by your side and his lack of concern. If you see a bruise like that and an absent partner, how would you interpret it? You have to have a talk. Start with this. Ask him if he was concerned about you?

kittyrouge − NTA. He is. Please stop doing housework or making meals. He will not let himself starve. He managed 4 days without you and can manage some more. Look after yourself.

Ok_Stable7501 − When I’m sick and in pain I need someone there to talk to the doctor, ask questions and take notes. Hubby and I found out the hard way that I say things that don’t make sense and agree to unnecessary tests.. But, you were scared and didn’t know what was going on and you needed support. You didn’t get any.. NTA

themistycrystal − NTA. I've been hospitalized more times than I can count since 2011 and my husband has been by my side, bringing treats, calling and texting when he couldn't be there, and taking amazing care of me when I got home. You deserve that kind of care and attention too.

In closing, this harrowing account of being left to face a critical health emergency alone forces us to question what “in sickness and in health” truly means in practice. The experience lays bare the emotional consequences of a support system that falls short when it is needed most, and it begs the question: How can couples recalibrate their roles to ensure that genuine care and empathy prevail in moments of crisis?

What are your thoughts on balancing individual responsibilities with the need for emotional support during medical emergencies? Do you believe that counseling and open communication can mend these deep-seated issues, or is the damage already done? We invite you to share your perspectives and experiences, and join the conversation on what it takes to truly stand by your partner when life gets tough.

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