Can I Ever Trust My Wife Again After Her Affair and a Shocking New Revelation?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet suburban home, a couple once toasted to a second chance after infidelity, their post-nup agreement a symbol of hard-won trust. For this 35-year-old man, forgiving his wife Ella’s confessed one-night affair two years ago was a leap of faith, buoyed by her remorse and their deep compatibility. But a recent bombshell from another betrayed spouse has shattered that fragile peace, revealing Ella’s affair was no fleeting mistake but a deliberate five-month betrayal.

The sting of this hidden truth cuts deeper than the original confession. As he grapples with her omission—learning she downplayed the affair to secure his forgiveness—readers feel his turmoil. Can trust, once painstakingly rebuilt, survive another blow? Or is divorce, now eased by their post-nup, the only path forward?

‘Can I Ever Trust My Wife Again After Her Affair and a Shocking New Revelation?’

My wife, Ella (32), and I (35) have been together for seven years, married for five. Two years ago, she admitted to cheating on me with a co-worker. I had always believed that cheating was a red line for me, and I was initially determined to divorce her. However, she did the work to regain my trust (or so I believed at the time). I also factored in the following, which allowed me to eventually move past it and forgive her:.

1. She confessed to me voluntarily; she wasn’t found out and forced to tell me. 2. It was one time at a housewarming party with the co-worker. I remember that night; she didn’t return home until 4 a.m., and I sent her several texts checking in to see if she was okay and if she needed me to pick her up (she normally doesn’t like to drink but occasionally succumbs to peer pressure, so I was worried she might have been too drunk to drive).

3. She quit her job after confessing to me. This was her own choice to prove that she was prepared to hold herself to better boundaries (I actually discouraged her at the time because I was set on divorcing her and was concerned that her lack of a job would mean I would need to pay higher alimony if she was unemployed).

4. When I was 19 years old, I also cheated on my then-girlfriend (not Ella) via a drunken kiss. Obviously, it wasn’t as bad as what Ella did, which was full-on intercourse, but part of me felt like a h**ocrite for not being able to forgive Ella (because my college girlfriend had forgiven me).

Given the above—and the fact that Ella genuinely seemed remorseful, everything else in our relationship was great, and she was the most compatible person I had ever dated personality-wise—I decided to forgive Ella and not divorce her on the condition that she signed a post-nup. She enthusiastically agreed.

The post-nup isn’t overly harsh, in my opinion; aside from affirming that our pre-marital assets won’t go into the settlement in the event of a divorce, it also included an infidelity clause with the penalty of the cheater forfeiting our jointly owned home, the car, and alimony in the event of a divorce. The balance would also be split 60/40 in favor of the cheated spouse rather than 50/50.

We both had independent legal advice when this was drafted and signed. Fast forward to last month when I was contacted on Facebook by Alice, the wife of my wife’s affair partner. She had tracked me down by going through Ella’s social media. She told me that she had caught her husband, Bill, cheating on her and discovered their affair from two years ago after going through his electronic devices.

She asked if I knew, to which I replied that I did, but I thanked her for telling me anyway. She asked what had happened between Ella and me, and I told her that we had reconciled. She said she was determined to divorce Bill because, unlike my wife, Bill had proven to be a serial cheater and never confessed to her.

The part that has since changed my mind about forgiving Ella is the fact that she revealed that Bill and Ella had actually been having an affair for five months. I clarified if she meant an emotional affair, but she clarified that it was a physical affair and that they had hooked up over ten times. In my mind, this makes the affair so much worse.

It wasn’t just a drunken night; it was a long period of planned and deliberate choices, and I feel like an absolute fool. This past weekend, I confronted Ella, and she admitted it. I asked why she didn’t tell me the full truth, and she said she didn’t believe I would have forgiven her if I had known. She’s been trying to convince me that it’s in the past, we’ve made two years of progress since, and it doesn’t matter whether it was once or ten times.

She argues that her confession showed true remorse. But my current thought is that the omission shows that even in her confession, her main concern was protecting herself rather than respecting me as a spouse by giving me the agency to make a fully informed choice not that different from never telling me in the first place.

I am now strongly considering divorce again and relying on the prenup for a more favorable divorce settlement. She wants us to go back the couple's therapy but how would that even work now that I trust her even less than I did 2 years ago?

This husband’s world, rebuilt on shaky trust, has crumbled again. “Honesty is the cornerstone of reconciliation after infidelity,” says Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted infidelity expert. Her book Not ‘Just Friends’ underscores that partial truths, like Ella’s, undermine healing by denying the betrayed spouse full agency.

Ella’s omission of the affair’s duration—framing a five-month physical relationship as a one-night lapse—reflects self-preservation over respect. His forgiveness hinged on her seeming remorse, but her lie casts doubt on its sincerity. From her perspective, she feared losing him, yet her choice robbed him of informed consent. A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family (onlinelibrary.wiley.com) notes 70% of couples post-infidelity struggle with trust if disclosures are incomplete.

Dr. Glass advises, “Rebuilding trust requires transparency and accountability.” Couples therapy could help, but only if Ella owns her deception fully. He might explore individual therapy to process anger and clarify his boundaries—divorce or reconciliation.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew didn’t mince words, dishing out tough love like a spicy group chat. Here’s their take:

_FrozenRobert_ − Act on your intuition here, my friend. She covered up a serious multi-month affair and lied to you about it. Complete selfish deception, IMHO. There's no excuse.. You should get out of this while you still can, with your finances and mental health intact.. A person like this isn't worth the trouble of 'trying to make it work'.

AllInkalicious − Your reconciliation is built on lies. Most are to some extent, as the cheater will minimise or hide as much as they can, but this is unforgivable. You have every right to divorce. However I don’t understand why bring in the prenup to this question? Because she’ll lose more? That doesn’t matter.

You simply have to divorce. I also think that your prenup is unlikely to cover an infidelity that’s already known. Unless it covers more truths being known about the affair? However that’s for both your lawyers. There’s no trust or respect here. Divorce.

Wisebutt98 − Ultimately, the lying is worse than the infidelity. It means you cannot trust their word. It also means they are calculating to get as much as they can for themselves by giving up as little as possible.

nullrecord − Wait so that post-nup wasn’t a „from now on“ kind of deal? It doesn’t have a clause excluding the Bill affair? Why would your wife sign it if she effectively immediately loses the house and gets 40%?

Careless_Welder_4048 − Why do you think she confessed? Also she just proved she’s a liar again. Sure, you made “progressed” based on a FUCKIN LIE. Let that sink in. Honestly, move on. I’m sure you can find another woman who wouldn’t cheat on you.. Edit to add: this is your karma for not telling his wife!

NelsonSendela − Even her remorse was deception 

stinkyandlulu − She cheated on you NINE MORE TIMES.

throwaway698873 − Im on your side if it was one drunken mistake we can somehow forgive.. but months of deliberate actions and downplaying the severity of this affair in her 'confession ' means she is a raging narcissist who doesn't respect you or this relationship.

And lets imagine you forgiving her and the next step is trying for children and with her history you will obviously question the paternity of the kid in your mind which most woman don't want.. So my opinion is this relationship is over and mutually end this

LacyLove − You reconciled based off of false facts. She knew you would not be able to overlook 5 months, so she lied and told you it was one night. She enthusiastically agreed to all your terms because she knew the truth was far worse. She has since lied/omitted the truth every day for 2 years. For me, this would be the dealbreaker. She has not changed if she is still willing to conceal the truth from you. There is nowhere to go except divorce court.

Artiivus − Didn't read the full post but just from what I saw, leave and don't look back. I left my ex of 4 years just 2 months ago, who had cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship and I decided to reconcile. Turns out he wasn't telling me the full story, it was with multiple girls and not just one.

He kept that from me for 4 years. Even had the audacity to plan to propose to me while holding such a massive secret from me. Needless to say, I left and I'm much happier now. Don't waste anymore time with someone who has shown you they can't be trusted. It isn't worth it.

These fiery opinions pack a punch, but do they oversimplify the pain of rebuilding trust? Reddit’s got heart, but nuance is key.

This man’s story is a raw reminder that trust, once broken, is a fragile thing—especially when half-truths linger. His wife’s hidden affair details force a painful choice: fight for a marriage tainted by deceit or walk away with the post-nup’s protection. What would you do when trust crumbles twice? Share your thoughts—your perspective might light the path for someone lost in betrayal’s shadow.

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