UPDATE: My (20F) friend (20F) tried to hook up with my boyfriend (22M) a few weeks ago and he didn’t tell me about it?

In the world of relationships, communication can often be the bridge that mends even the deepest wounds. This update follows a couple grappling with the fallout of a friend’s attempted hook-up with the boyfriend—a situation that initially sowed seeds of distrust. Now, the couple has come together for an honest conversation.

The girlfriend, who had been hurt by her boyfriend’s silence, explained that while she understood his intentions to avoid unnecessary drama, she wanted him to trust her with the truth. Through this open dialogue, they have managed to find common ground and strengthen their bond.

The renewed commitment to transparency has provided a fresh start. Both partners now share a better understanding of each other’s expectations, and the incident has even deepened the trust between them. This update illustrates that even after rocky moments, clear communication can pave the way toward healing and mutual respect.

For those who want to read the previous part: My (20F) friend (20F) tried to hook up with my boyfriend (22M) a few weeks ago and he didn’t tell me about it?

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‘UPDATE: My (20F) friend (20F) tried to hook up with my boyfriend (22M) a few weeks ago and he didn’t tell me about it?’

So, I told my boyfriend that I understand why he did it and that I get that he wanted to avoid hurting me but that he doesn't get to make that choice for me. He said he understands that he should have told me, but that he had kind of hoped that she was just having a weird moment and that it wouldn't happen again and we'd avoid the entire thing completely. I told him that from now on I want him to be upfront with me about this kind of thing.

I also told him that if he was worried about if I'm going to believe him over my

I want to thank everyone for the advice because I was honestly getting paranoid because I've been cheated on before and my friends are kinda cynical so they expected the worst which me made me do the same. Ironically because of this whole thing and the talk we had after, I feel like I can trust him more. For now I'm gonna try to stop assuming the worst..

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Thanks to everyone who chipped in. TLDR: My boyfriend and I had a talk about what happened. He explained to me his point of view and I explained to him mine. He understood why I was upset and I feel like we really got on the same page. So, everything worked out for the best.

When partners face breaches of trust, even when unintentional, expert advice underscores the importance of open communication. In this case, the couple’s proactive discussion serves as a prime example of how addressing concerns head-on can rebuild confidence and foster a healthier relationship dynamic.

Dr. John Gottman, a well-known relationship researcher, emphasizes that “Transparency and open dialogue are essential for overcoming misunderstandings. When both partners commit to sharing even the uncomfortable details, trust is fortified, and the relationship grows stronger.”

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His insight highlights that while the boyfriend’s initial silence was a misstep, the subsequent candid conversation helped realign their expectations and build a more resilient foundation. By addressing the issue directly, they avoided the pitfalls of lingering doubt and set a clear standard for future transparency. This situation demonstrates that even challenging moments, when met with honest dialogue, can become opportunities for growth.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The general sentiment among the community is that open and honest communication is vital in any relationship. Many feel that while the boyfriend’s initial omission was a mistake, his willingness to have a candid conversation and admit his error is a positive sign. The consensus is that even if his silence caused unnecessary worry, it was not driven by malice.

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Instead, it appears he was trying to navigate an awkward situation without creating extra drama. Ultimately, the community agrees that addressing the issue directly and establishing clear expectations for future transparency is the best way to rebuild trust and strengthen the relationship.

HygorBohmHubner − And that, kids, is why we use communication with our S/O's.

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mb34i − Glad to hear things worked out.. I was honestly getting paranoid because I've been cheated on before. Don't ignore red flags and the need to reasonably check on what your partner is doing (in general in relationships), but also keep in mind that only YOU have this paranoia and trauma from past relationships. He doesn't, so I totally see how this attempt by your friend to hook up was a non-issue for him, he shot her down hard, matter was resolved in his mind, and thus not worth mentioning.

He should have told you (so you could build trust), but the point I'm trying to make is he didn't do it out of malice, he just didn't have the same mental perspective as you because he didn't have the trauma. And you should take care of that trauma by talking to a therapist. If you don't, you're basically burdening him with it. But, good that things worked out, and wish you guys the best for the future. Keep that communication going, it really strengthens the relationship.

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dandyIons − It sounds like this might be the first relationship you've been in where you can talk about a problem you're having with your SO and have them actually care about how you're feeling/want to resolve the problem? If so, I totally understand why this was such a novel relationship experience for you! I'm glad you guys were able to resolve this and come out stronger on the other side. :)

neultima − What happened with the friend?. Also, glad it worked out with your bf 👍🏾

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NMPotoreiko − This is the important difference between communication and comprehension. You can speak as much as you want, but if your partner cannot comprehend where you're coming from, communication will resolve into nothing.. It's fantastic to see that you and your partner are on the same page all together! 💓💓👏

Pinestachio − This is a weird one. The dude was totally in the right. That was the best response for him to have but he got into some sort of hot water with you for perceived reasons why he didn't come forward with it? He even told you why when you found out. I guess I'm just baffled why this needed to be a story on Reddit to begin with is all. Anyway, glad it worked out!

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dhffxiv − Glad it got sorted, I hope you aren't interacting with her anymore

blinkgone1 − Also keep in mind that if your BF knows that you've been cheated on in the past, his bringing up the fact that your best friend was trying to get him to cheat could trigger a huge stress response from you. Not only do you need to worry about your BF, but you need to worry about your best friend as well.. I'm glad it worked out, communication is key.

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mahtrowaway − Sounds like everything worked out perfectly. It's nice to hear a happy update.

popogoespoopoo − Communication is key.. it provides perspective and understanding. Your friends need to see your side of this too so they arent constantly trying to be suspicious of him too. And you definitely dont have to assume the worst, but that doesnt mean you go all the way to the other end and assume he cant do anything wrong either.. Everything has to be within reason and understanding and maturity. But I'm really glad this was so easily settled

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In conclusion, this update is a testament to the power of honest dialogue in mending breaches of trust. By addressing the issue head-on, the couple transformed a potentially damaging situation into an opportunity to strengthen their relationship.

The boyfriend’s admission of his mistake and the girlfriend’s willingness to express her expectations have paved the way for greater openness and mutual understanding. What do you think—can transparency in the face of past hurts truly rebuild trust? Share your thoughts and experiences, and join the conversation below.

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