Am I wrong to be hurt that my wife hid a medical condition from me?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

A routine life insurance application unearths a painful secret in a 15-year marriage. A husband discovers his wife has concealed her Type II diabetes for five years, only revealed when he’s accidentally cc’d on an email. Her justification—embarrassment—stings, especially as he grapples with his own recent diagnosis of the same condition. Hurt by her silence and lack of apology, he questions the trust at the core of their bond.

This Reddit story captures the raw emotion of discovering a spouse’s hidden truth, resonating with anyone who’s faced unexpected betrayal in a long-term relationship. It’s a tale of love tested by secrecy, where health and honesty collide. As the husband navigates his pain and her oversight of his new diagnosis, it asks: is it wrong to feel hurt by a partner’s hidden illness? Let’s dive in and see Reddit’s verdict.

‘Am I wrong to be hurt that my wife hid a medical condition from me?’

My wife (40f) and I (40m) have been married for 15 years and have 3 kids together. We recently both applied for life insurance, and as part of the process had to get blood work, give medical history, etc. I was inadvertently cc'd on an email where the insurance company asked her to provide more information about a medication she was on.

I previously had no idea she was on this particular medication, nor that she was being treated for this particular condition. When she realized I was cc'd she immediately called me to

She didn't apologize for not telling me before, but rather complained about me being cc'd and justifying it by saying she was embarrassed about the condition and didn't want

First, because it's not the

I was diagnosed with the same condition she already had. She still never mentioned anything, and has since been on top of me about every little detail about my further testing/treatment of the condition.. Am I wrong to be hurt by her hiding her condition from me?

Trust is the bedrock of marriage, and the wife’s five-year concealment of her Type II diabetes from her husband undermines that foundation. His hurt is valid—spouses share life’s burdens, including health challenges, to support each other. Her embarrassment, while understandable, doesn’t justify excluding him, especially given the condition’s potential severity. His shock is compounded by her lack of apology and her intense focus on his new diagnosis, which highlights a double standard in their communication.

This reflects a broader issue: health secrecy in relationships. A 2021 study found that 25% of couples avoid discussing chronic illnesses due to stigma or fear of judgment, often straining trust (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8432159/). The wife’s silence risks practical dangers—if her condition worsened, her husband couldn’t inform medical professionals. Her justification of avoiding “the whole world” dismisses his role as her closest confidant, deepening the emotional wound.

Dr. John Gottman, a marriage expert, notes, “Openness about vulnerabilities, like health, builds intimacy; secrecy erodes it.” The wife’s choice to hide her diabetes suggests discomfort with vulnerability, possibly tied to shame. Her oversight of his diagnosis, while she withheld her own, may stem from guilt or control, further fracturing trust. The husband’s hurt reflects a need for mutual transparency, essential for their family’s stability.

For solutions, the husband could initiate a calm conversation, expressing his hurt and emphasizing the importance of health transparency for their kids’ sake. Couples therapy could help them rebuild trust and address her shame. He might share his own diagnosis openly to model vulnerability, encouraging reciprocity. Setting mutual health check-ins could prevent future secrecy. Healing requires both to prioritize honesty, ensuring their marriage weathers this breach.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s reactions to this marital secret are a mix of empathy and caution, with users weighing in on trust and health transparency. Here’s the community’s take:

Sure_Gold1309 − Same exact thing happened to me I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and hospitalized. My partner would Constantly berate me for eating unhealthy, then I found out she was eating whatever she wanted and had been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes since she was a teenager. I was hurt too when I found out she hid it from me.

Ariadne_Kenmore − No, I don't think you're wrong for being hurt. There could be some pretty big issues if something were to happen and your wife was incapacitated, you wouldn't be able to tell them that she was a diabetic because she didn't tell you.

But I can also see her side of things, my mom was diagnosed as a Type 2 diabetic late last year, at this point I think the only ones that know are her Doctor, my brother, me, and my husband. She's not embarrassed, but absolutely does not want my MIL to know because, to be honest, my MIL can be a bit much and while she's civil and even cordial with her,

mom really doesn't like my MIL all that much. MIL is also a Type 2 diabetic and has a tendency to badger for info and pontificate if she feels that she knows better.. It's not really right of your wife to be on your back about your diagnosis when she hid hers.

MrsNuggs − You are not wrong. This is not something small. What if her levels were off and you had no idea what was happening or how to help her?!!

shammy_dammy − Is this a roundabout way of saying your wife gave you an STD?

Jezabel8708 − Yikes I get why people thought it was an STD but some of these comments 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I don't think you're wrong to be hurt. It's understandable for you to feel hurt that she didn't tell you and to wonder why or wonder if she doesn't trust you.

I'd suggest trying to talk to her about how you feel and asking her why she was so hesitant to tell you. Has she had bad experiences related to this? Is she worried about others judging her? Was she concerned about worrying you? It's fair to be hurt regardless, but there could be lots of reasons for why she did it that could help ease that for you.

idkifyousayso − All these people talking about STD’s and I immediately wondered if it was high blood pressure or diabetes. Maybe I’m just old lol

Onebowhunter − Dude . How did you not know she was diabetic for five years ? I know when my wife has a headache just by looking at her

Roscomenow − To get over your hurt, which is understandable, it might be helpful at this point to assure her that she can tell you anything, that you will support her regardless of what she feels afraid to tell you. In the case of diabetes, it's important for both you to monitor your diet and physical activity, and stay in contact with your medical providers to make sure that you are managing the disease effectively.

fyngriselda − Need more info. Has she said why she didn’t want you to know? Do you have a habit of talking too much? Have you given her a reason to think you would tell others? If you don’t have a history of blabbing, the NTA. But have a conversation with her about why she was embarrassed. Understand where she was coming from, then express your hurt.

Several_Emphasis_434 − I had an aunt who had juvenile diabetes and it was bad when it was bad but she did control it with insulin and eating. She and her husband divorced after 20 plus years and she met a man who she fell hard for. He knew she was insulin dependent and had to eat on time and check her sugar levels but she didn’t tell him the extent of her condition.

We (her family really stressed the importance of him knowing) she refused. One morning according to her boyfriend she sat up in bed and said she didn’t feel right. He thought she was playing around so in turn he tickled her let her dog lick her face etc. Keep in mind that’s his side because we weren’t there. Anyway he said she stopped responding and called her son. Her son told him to call 911.

When my cousin entered the house the boyfriend was doing CPR on her with 911. She lived brain dead for two weeks before our family was told there was nothing they could do. My mom and cousin had to make the decision to turn off the machines. My point to this is people who are in your life especially a husband need to know. It could save your life. My aunt was 49.

These comments blend support with speculation, but do they fully capture the couple’s dynamic? Reddit’s call for dialogue sparks a debate: can trust be rebuilt after such a secret?

This heartfelt story of a husband blindsided by his wife’s hidden diabetes reveals the fragility of trust in marriage. Her five-year silence, uncovered by a fluke email, leaves him questioning their bond, especially as he faces the same diagnosis. It’s a reminder that secrecy, even with good intentions, can wound deeply. Have you faced a partner’s hidden truth? What would you do in his shoes? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this trust-shaking drama.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *