Am I wrong in feeling resentment towards my husbands parents for having to give them a portion of my paycheck?

Jonathan Hours
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A quiet dinner at home turned into a heated debate for a 28-year-old woman and her husband, caught in a tug-of-war over family and finances. Each week, a chunk of their joint account—hundreds of dollars—flows to his parents, a tradition rooted in cultural duty. But with a new mortgage looming and her husband eyeing unpaid time off, the woman’s unease grows. Why give money to parents who don’t need it when their own dreams strain under debt?

This isn’t just about dollars and cents—it’s a clash of love, obligation, and fairness. The woman’s heart aches as she balances her husband’s values against her own sacrifices. Is her resentment toward her in-laws justified, or is she missing the bigger picture? Let’s unpack this emotional tangle and explore the weight of family expectations.

‘Am I wrong in feeling resentment towards my husbands parents for having to give them a portion of my paycheck?’

My (F28) husband(M30) and I share finances and we give a couple hundred dollars from our joint account to his parents each week. My husband earns slightly more than I do, however he spends a lot more and I do all the housework and cooking and most of our savings were originally mine so from that perspective, our contributions to the household are pretty equal, and could argue that I contribute more.

We recently also bought a house to have a large amount of debt to pay off. When my husband expressed taking a few months off work unpaid, I was super supportive of him, but I had to express that I wasn't comfortable being the main income earner AND also having to give money weekly to his parents,

and buying them the occasion plane ticket when they want to go overseas to visit relatives, furniture etc etc. For context his parents are happily retired, mortage free, have decent savings and minimal expenses and good pension. I expressed that I am completely fine with helping them financially if they needed it and asked, however,

since we will be struggling much more than them being on one income with a mortgage - it didn't make sense for us to struggle to make ends meet in order to give them money when they didn't even need it and I wasn't happy with that.That lead to a huge argument where he expressed that was something he made clear from the beginning of our relationship, and that I didn't have the same values as him,

and it's not something that can be explained, he just wants to keep giving them money. It lead to us trying to split our finances, which we realized did not work because how do you account for the past as well, us both crying, and me realizing that I love him too much and I am happy with him giving money to his parents if it makes him happy. And they are lovely to me and treat me well.

However sometimes I start to have feelings of resentment towards them, which I try to brush away because they are so good to me. The feeling is getting stronger by the day. I think it's got to do with the fact that yes, I am ok with my husband giving his parents money, but maybe I resent them for taking it knowing that it's all coming from me now.

My own mother would never accept any money from me if she knew we were struggling to make ends me, she would simple just venmo it back.And maybe it's also because I didn't have a choice, I am forced into this. If it was my choice,  I was be a peace, however, because it's not my choice, I feel resentful towards his parents. But I am not going back on my decision on being ok with my husband wanting to give his parents money.. What do you guys think?. 

Money and family can be a volatile mix, especially when cultural norms dictate giving without question. This woman’s resentment highlights a clash between personal sacrifice and familial duty. Financial therapist Amanda Clayman notes, “Unspoken financial agreements in relationships can breed resentment if they feel one-sided” (source: CNBC, 2022). Here, the woman’s contributions—housework, savings, and now primary income—feel undervalued against her husband’s insistence on supporting his stable parents.

The husband’s stance, rooted in Asian cultural expectations of filial piety, isn’t uncommon. A 2021 Pew Research study found 65% of Asian Americans provide regular financial support to parents, often regardless of need. Yet, his dismissal of her concerns and refusal to adjust during financial strain tips the balance toward unfairness. Clayman suggests open dialogue to renegotiate terms, ensuring both partners feel heard.

The woman’s resentment stems from a lack of agency. Experts recommend separate accounts for discretionary giving to preserve autonomy. For now, she might explore small boundaries, like pausing extra gifts, to ease the strain while respecting her husband’s values. Long-term, couples therapy could align their financial goals.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit users didn’t mince words, offering a mix of outrage and practical advice. Here’s what the community had to say:

Illustrious_Leg_2537 − If he doesn't want to stop giving them money, maybe he shouldn't stop working.. Edit: thanks for the awards!

ACM915 − JFC- stop giving money to his parents. They are not homeless, and they have their own money and I don’t understand why you are giving them money at all. If he wants to give them money, then he can do it but your money stays with you.

Vegetable-Fix-4702 − He takes a few months off and no pay but still sends money to the parents? I wouldn't like that at all. He needs to get two jobs to send money away when you both need it. He's not making sense to me.

[Reddit User] − Understandable on your end. Sounds like this may be a cultural difference between the both of you. If you can't get your husband to see reason, maybe try talking to your inlaws. I don't think they would take accept money from you both if youre struggling. Husband might not be happy you bypassed him, but he isn't listening or even willing to hear you out.

I'm from an Asian culture where supporting your parents in old age is accepted, but no parent is going to take from a kid who is struggling, even if they were struggling (which your inlaws don't sound like). I think the giving money each month might be a pride matter to your husband. In fact I'm sure that is what this boils down to.

[Reddit User] − I think you two should start giving money to your parents equal to what you two give his parents and just ask that your parents keep that money in an account for you.

703unknown − No your not wrong. Start putting your money in the bank. Who knows you might need it for a divorce lawyer in the future.

leggyblond1 − You aren't wrong, but you should be angry at your husband for giving them $800 a month they don't need, quitting his job so you have to support both of you and his parents, AND FOR YOU SAYING YOU DON'T HAVE THE SAME VALUE AS HE DOES. Why aren't you angry? I'd be infuriated.

Vitamin____J − Many years in the future his parents might have a big inheritance for him in part because of these payments. It would be his alone and not community property.

PsychologicalHalf422 − I’d be resentful as well if my partner didn’t want to work for a while and expected me to not only support the two of you but his parents also? And what’s he planning to do while he’s unemployed? Might he be cooking and doing all the housework? Fixing the house up? He’s got a great deal with you bending over backwards. You? Not a good deal at all. That’s why you feel resentment and it’s justified.

BitterDoGooder − I think he bullied you into the financial exploitation to which he's become accustomed. You need to pull your savings out ASAP. Open up a separate account in your name only and move it, without asking first. The rule is, the money you have when you come into the relationship stays your separate property, so keep it separate.

Do not stress too much over whether you have it down to the penny, round down if you want to be sure, but get your savings out. Sit with that and see how it feels. How does he react (again, don't ask him first, move the money and then let him know)? Let him know the financial arrangement makes you feel that you're being taken advantage of and you want to protect your assets.

This is a good time to begin the conversation about when he's going back to work. Some questions - are you sure he's sending the money to his mom and dad? If you aren't sure, you need to be sure. He could be using this arrangement to skim money away from you, or mom and dad could be putting it away for him at a later time (money he inherits from his parents will also be technically his separate property, by the way).

You don't say how long you've been doing this, but it won't take long for this $$ to add up. Are you sure the house title is in both your names? He's totally guilted you into giving him and his parents everything they want and you need to stop doing that.

These Reddit hot takes are fiery, but do they capture the full complexity? Is the husband’s cultural duty unassailable, or is fairness the priority?

This tale of financial strain leaves us pondering the cost of love and duty. The woman, torn between her husband’s happiness and her own sacrifices, faces a growing resentment that threatens her peace. Was she wrong to question the payments, or is her frustration a call for fairness? How would you navigate a partner’s family tradition that strains your shared dreams? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the conversation going!

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