Am I wrong for wanting closure?
A 31-year-old woman is grappling with deep regret after a 10-year relationship ended explosively in 2020 during a drunken argument where she said horrible things to her ex (32M). She admits the relationship had run its course and that she emotionally abused him, but the guilt over her final words has haunted her.
Over the past three years, she’s reached out twice: first with a DM explaining her anger, and later with a heartfelt letter apologizing, owning her abuse, expressing love, and mentioning how he saved her life during a suicide attempt years earlier. He never responded to either. Now she’s questioning if she’s wrong for seeking closure, or if she’s truly the “crazy ex” who doesn’t deserve forgiveness. His silence hurts, but she wonders if she’s crossed a line.
‘Am I wrong for wanting closure?’
The relationship lasted 10 years and ended badly in 2020:
Second attempt, a letter:
This is a heartbreaking case of unresolved guilt meeting firm boundaries. Wanting closure after hurting someone is natural, especially in a long, intense relationship where you acknowledge abuse. Apologizing sincerely can be healing — for you and potentially for him. However, closure is internal; no one owes you a response, forgiveness, or conversation, especially after years of emotional harm.
His silence is likely self-protection, not cruelty. Reaching out multiple times, even with good intentions, can feel like reopening wounds. Mentioning suicide in the letter, while honest, may have felt manipulative to him, even unintentionally. Experts like trauma therapist Pete Walker note that true remorse involves accepting the other’s right to distance: “Apology without expectation is the healthiest path.”
Practical advice: Stop all contact — it’s the kindest thing for both of you. Focus on self-forgiveness through therapy: explore why the abuse happened and how to heal. Journal, meditate, or join support groups for regret and accountability. Closure comes from within: accept his choice, learn from your mistakes, and commit to healthier relationships. You’re not “crazy” — you’re human and hurting — but respecting his boundaries is the best way forward.
Check out how the community responded:
The online community was nearly unanimous in calling the woman wrong, urging her to leave her ex alone and stop seeking closure from him:
Most commenters viewed her repeated contacts as selfish and potentially abusive, insisting she needs to accept his silence as the closure she gets:
![[Reddit User] − Dude....... Leave him alone.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/wp-editor-1768894907019-1.webp)
![[Reddit User] − Info: what “closure” are you even seeking here? Do you want him to tell you he still loves you too? Do you want his forgiveness for the...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/wp-editor-1768894925989-10.webp)
This story cuts deep: regret after hurting someone you loved is painful, but true healing comes from within, not from forcing a response. The ex’s silence speaks volumes — he’s protecting himself, and that’s his right. You’re not wrong for wanting closure, but expecting it from him crosses a boundary.
What do you think? Have you ever sought closure from an ex who didn’t respond? Do you believe apologies should always be accepted, or is silence a valid answer? Share your thoughts in the comments.
