Am I wrong for thinking marriage is for people who love one another?

In the heat of a late-night argument, a woman’s vision of marriage as a union of love collided with her fiancé’s cold claim: it’s all about financial gain. His words—“no one marries for love” and “you’re living in fantasy land”—cut deep, leaving her reeling and questioning her beliefs. Was her dream of a life built on devotion just a naive illusion, or was his cynicism a red flag waving in plain sight?

This Reddit tale of clashing values and shaken trust has the internet in a uproar. As the woman grapples with her fiancé’s dismissive stance and her own ideals, readers are left wondering: is love still the heart of marriage, or has practicality taken over? Let’s dive into this emotional showdown and explore what marriage really means in today’s world.

‘Am I wrong for thinking marriage is for people who love one another?’

My fiancé and I got into a pretty heated argument and exactly like the title says I told him that’s what I thought marriage meant. He got mad and called me stupid and said “marriage is for financial gain, no one marries for love,

and ur living in fantasy land if u truly believe that’s why people get married” he also said people just find the one person they can tolerate having s** with the rest of their lives and they stick with one another…. Is this true?

Do people really only get married for financial gains and not because they love one another and want to spend the rest of their life with one another????? Am I seriously just out here living in fantasy land thinking people get married bc of love????

typing on a phone in my car so I apologize for any spelling off….wow so this post blew up overnight while my life fell apart, or got better? Whatever way u choose to look at it based on my post below. I’d like to first start off to those that commented telling me all the wonderful stories about their long and happy marriages, thank you for those.

I definitely needed to read those. 2nd to those that called me a gold digger, not very bright bc I want to marry someone head over hills in love with me.. well to u I hate to inform u I’m actually quite successful with my job. I may not be a billionaire but I do have my own savings and a very good job that I’ve already been promoted in and I love.

As does he. We were a dual income couple with no kids. I do realize marriage takes more than just love. I know there’s other values to it but I just kept it vague bc at the time that was what our little argument had started over. I totally understand it takes commitment, shared goals, trust, etc.

to make a marriage work….3rd, unfortunately this conversation really never came up what marriage meant to either of us because at the time I thought we both were on track with where our headspace was. I mean we loved one another, we shared so many goals and personal and rational views the same….

Except marriage obviously I see now I was very very wrong. After he said what he said yesterday I didn’t really engage in the argument anymore because it shocked me that he really just said that. But then I got to thinking well maybe I am wrong completely for thinking that a marriage and love story can be like one of my books?

So I took to the internet to get a new fresh perspective and to see if it was just me that was wrong in this scenario. I see now that I wasn’t wrong. After reading some of ur comments he and I had a conversation last night about it. What was said will be left for him and I to know.

But to clarify and ease those that are genuinely worried about me on this post, you were right. I was definitely a financial security for him and if I had been completely broke when we got together he would have never even given me so much as a glance.

4th, as of 7:30 this morning I have been packing my clothes and small belongings to move in with my big sister. While our mother may have sucked my sister and I have always been close and to my surprise she was so happy I’m leaving bc apparently she seen our mother in him as well, why she never told me? Bc she was afraid I would be upset with what she said.

So anyway I’ve decided to just leave everything in the house for him and I’m going to start over fresh with the help of my big sister. She’s already made plans to call her landlord Monday to see if he has any openings coming available so I can have my own space to heal and start over but also be close to her if I need her.

Never in a million years did I think I’d take internet strangers advice but here I am. I spoke to him and communicated like I was told too and while it may have pissed him off and he tried to gaslight me, it just confirmed my worse fear.

4th, as many of u pointed out I do need therapy, lol funny thing is I have been in therapy for a year now over my childhood trauma. So I’ve also emailed my case worker asking for a new therapist and just based my reasoning on thinking we just weren’t a good fit.

So she should get back with me on Monday and hopefully by next session I will have a new therapist. I kinda had the suspicion that we weren’t really a good fit but I stuck with it bc I’ve always heard u have to stick with it for it to work, but based on the numerous amounts of comments about seeking therapy that just confirmed it for me that I do need a new one.

Lastly, I wish no bad on my now ex fiancée but I do hope one day he gets the help and therapy he needs and deserves. His childhood was not the best, but as many of u asked he didn’t grow up and see his mom divorce and get half or anything of such.

Actually his dad met and married a wonderful woman, his mom met and married a wonderful partner as well and they’ve both been married for 30 some years. So where his views on marriage and partners comes from I honestly have no idea. Maybe he’s just a bitter miserable person? Idk.

But I do hope one day he finds someone that either can teach him how to love, or someone that at least has the same views as he does and tolerates him as well. As for me I won’t be the test subject any longer❤️❤️ now I’m gonna log out of this account and go start my healing journey. I wish u all the best and thank you again💕

A fiancé’s claim that marriage is purely financial can shatter trust, and this woman’s clash reveals a stark mismatch in values. Her belief in love as marriage’s foundation is far from naive—it’s a cornerstone for many.

His dismissive attitude suggests a transactional view of relationships, which can undermine emotional intimacy. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, states, “Successful marriages are built on mutual respect, love, and shared goals, not just practical benefits” (gottman). The fiancé’s insult—“stupid”—signals a lack of respect, a red flag for future conflict.

This ties to a broader issue: compatibility in marriage expectations. A 2023 study found 72% of couples citing shared values as critical for marital satisfaction (nih). Gottman advises, “Discuss core beliefs before marrying to ensure alignment.” The woman should reflect on whether her fiancé’s cynicism aligns with her vision and consider counseling to bridge their gap—or reassess the engagement entirely.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s crew stormed into this debate like it’s a relationship intervention, dishing out a fiery mix of support and warnings. Imagine a group chat where everyone’s rallying for love and side-eyeing the fiancé’s nonsense. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, buzzing with empathy and a splash of outrage:

[Reddit User] − I'm more curious why you're engaged to this guy, he clearly is saying he doesn't love you and is interested only in money. For reference, I married for love and am extremely happy.

Nanatomany44 − Do not marry this guy. Repeat do NOT.

Aphotyk − My wife and I have our 25th anniversary coming up in September. She drive me nuts sometimes, but I can assure you that I love her more every single day.. If you do not have that, think long and hard about getting married.

[Reddit User] − His attitude is deranged and repulsive. He really is not a good choice for a partner. I would not marry this fiancé. it is sad he thinks that true love is a fantasy land.

Content-External-473 − Cancel that wedding

[Reddit User] − Why are you marrying someone who doesn't seem to love you. And yes every married person I know married for love.

[Reddit User] − Well the jokes on him because there isn't much financial gain in marriage. /s. I think there's truth that long term relationships end up being more about a lot of boring things, like clothes on the floor or in the hamper or make the bed in the morning or leave it messy as opposed to the romantic phase of dating where you are entertaining each other.

But this isn't the 15th century, we aren't marrying to merge clans and take over land, whether it's the dating romantic side of things or the daily grind of raising a family I would sure hope you genuinely have affection for each other.

RichardKopf − You're not wrong. Marriage should only be entered into by two people who love each other. If you're the one that he has figured he can tolerate having s** with for the rest of his life, you should really rethink if you want to marry this fool.

KittyRevolt − This is a giant red flag that you need to open your eyes and see. You said that you come from a background where you’re not even sure whether or not you can recognize healthy relationships that’s also a huge red flag. People don’t Mary for financial gain.

It should be that you’re marrying someone because your partner enhances your life. It makes you a better person. It makes you want to be a better person. They lift you up the elevate support and back you up. If he’s only marrying you for your wallet you need to get the hell out of there as fast as possible.

If he thinks that you’re only marrying him for his wallet, same deal. This whole situation is toxic. Also, the whole thing about finding a person they can tolerate having s** with what the heck is that I’m sorry but your fiancé sounds like a total i**ot and I’m wondering what you see in him

SlowAccountant4840 − not even the Mariana trench could withhold that sort of assfoolery opinion of marriage☠️

These Redditors are Team Love, cheering the woman’s romantic ideals while urging her to ditch a fiancé who seems to value her wallet over her heart. Some share stories of love-driven marriages; others call his views toxic. Do their takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the breakup buzz? One thing’s clear—this marriage debate’s got the internet waving red flags.

This story of a woman’s shaken faith in love-fueled marriage exposes the rift between romance and pragmatism. Her fiancé’s harsh words cast doubt, but her heart holds firm. Was she right to champion love, or is his cynicism grounded in reality? Share your thoughts: what’s the true purpose of marriage in your eyes?

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