Am I wrong for telling my friend that I don’t like the way she behaves with my husband?

Picture a cozy family home, filled with love notes tucked into lunchboxes and the warmth of a tight-knit family. But for one woman, that harmony was rattled when her friend’s touchy behavior toward her husband crossed a line. Her husband, a man with a painful past, made it clear he wanted no part of the shoulder rubs and hugs—yet the friend persisted, claiming she was “helping.” When a confrontation erupted, the friendship teetered on the edge.

This Reddit saga of boundaries, trauma, and misplaced intentions has the internet buzzing. The woman’s ultimatum—stop or stay away—left her friend fuming, accusing her of overreacting. Was she too harsh, or was she right to protect her husband’s comfort? Let’s dive into this messy tale of loyalty, respect, and a friend who just wouldn’t listen.

‘Am I wrong for telling my friend that I don’t like the way she behaves with my husband?’

A few days ago my (29F) husband (42M) told me that he doesn't like how my friend (29F) treats him, he said that lately she has been very touchy with him. For example, when he says something funny, she rubs his shoulders or leans against him, etc.

And to be honest he absolutely hates it when people who aren't me or our kids (5F, 4F, 1F) touch him because he comes from an abusive family, and my friend knows it but she has still been very insistent the last few months just because now she thinks she is some kind of therapist just because she listens to podcasts and reads books about mental health.

The point is that my husband can be very harsh with people who are not me or our children, and he told her directly that he doesn't like her touching him, that she should stop. Well, apparently she didn't give a damn because a few days later when he did her a favor by taking her dog to the emergency vet she hugged him and he pushed her, He says it wasn't a violent push, that he just pushed her to get her away from him.

And when he did that she told him that if he doesn't get over his past he will end up ruining our children's lives. And I don't think that's true because he is a completely different person with them and with me, he loves to leave notes in my coffee or in our children's lunch boxes to let us know that he loves us, and wishing us a good day.

He also loves to hug us or kiss us, but like I said, he's only like that with us, and my friend always knew that, which is why it pissed me off that she didn't respect his boundaries, although to be honest what pissed me off the most is that she tried to make him feel bad for not getting over his past traumas,

so I talked to her and asked her to stop behaving like that with my husband But she got mad at me and told me that she just wanted to help, which is something I clearly don't do, and that's not true because I try to help him every day but I do respect his boundaries and I'm not going to force him to do something that triggers him.

She told me I was making her feel like a stalker and that I was overreacting, so I told her to stop or else she won't be welcome in our house anymore and that made her even more angry because she didn't even answer me and I was thinking and maybe I was too harsh. Am I wrong for telling her that?

When a friend oversteps personal boundaries, it can fracture trust and relationships. This woman’s clash with her friend over unwanted touching reveals a deeper issue of consent and respect. Let’s unpack it.

The husband’s discomfort, rooted in past trauma, was clearly communicated, yet the friend ignored it. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert, writes, “Respecting boundaries is crucial for those with trauma histories, as unwanted touch can retrigger distress” (besselvanderkolk). The friend’s self-appointed “therapist” role, fueled by podcasts, dismisses his autonomy, risking emotional harm.

This reflects a broader issue: consent in non-romantic interactions. A 2022 study found 70% of people feel uncomfortable with unconsented physical contact from acquaintances (nih). The friend’s claim of “helping” reeks of overreach, especially after insulting his parenting. Dr. van der Kolk suggests, “Support trauma survivors by listening, not imposing solutions.” The woman’s firm stance was justified; distancing from the friend may protect her family’s peace.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew jumped into this drama like it’s a heated group chat, dishing out a lively blend of support and sharp-witted shade. It’s like a virtual barbecue where everyone’s got a take, and the grill’s sizzling with indignation. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, packed with cheers for the wife and eye-rolls for the friend’s antics:

AbroadMammoth4808 − You're not wrong. Your 'friend' is either obtuse and trying to fix your husband, which is beyond patronising, or she's attracted to him and acting on it. Neither option would make want to stay friends with her.

Unhappy-Steak8928 − No you’re not wrong. Drop that “friend” immediately

neophenx − She is touching another person without their consent. Plain and simple. No matter the reason, she does not have a right to put her hands on another person if they don't want to be touched. Trauma or no trauma.

You all have tried asking nicely and it didn't work. So going strict against her is valid and warranted. If you're making her feel unwelcome, well yeah that's kinda the point. She feels too welcomed as it is, and you're actively trying to shut that down.

biteme717 − Nope, you're definitely not wrong!! She's crossing boundaries, and she knows what she's doing. She, IMO, is doing this on purpose to cause problems between you two. Stop inviting her and have your husband block her on everything. Her behavior will only get worse, and it will be more manipulative. Praise to your husband for telling you.

PatientAd4823 − Toxic. I had a ‘friend’ similar to that. She wanted to know my vulnerabilities so she could press on them. It took years to come to that. It’s as if I were to say “I hate hugging” and it was as though she thought what she really wanted to do at any sneaky moment was to give me a hug. One time too many and I’m glad not to be friends anymore.

DuncanIdahosGhola − Your friend is a boundary stomper and you're not wrong. I hate it when somebody decides they're going to

- decide I wasn't

Pandas-Brat − Your friend needs to learn consent. If someone says don't touch me, don't touch them. Easy. I'd distance myself from a person like that.

Mountain_Ad9526 − If someone doesn’t want you to touch them you don’t. It doesn’t matter who it is. I also don’t like to be touched. But I can let my nieces and nephews climb on me for a few hours bc I love them.

Princess-Reader − What you ARE wrong about is thinking this person is your friend.

KayCee269 − You are NOT WRONG! OP, you need to think long & hard about keeping this person in your lives - she has little to no respect for boundaries & her cereal box diploma in therapy is quite scary & dangerous

These Redditors are all in, praising the woman for defending her husband while slamming the friend’s boundary-stomping as manipulative or clueless. Some suspect ulterior motives; others see it as patronizing “fixing.” Their takes are spicy, but do they catch the full vibe, or are they just fanning the flames? One thing’s clear—this friendship’s on thin ice, and the internet’s got no chill.

This tale of crossed boundaries and a friendship on the rocks underscores the power of respect—or the damage when it’s ignored. The woman stood up for her husband’s comfort, but her friend’s defensiveness left wounds. Was the ultimatum the right call, or could there have been another way? Share your thoughts: what would you do if a friend dismissed your loved one’s boundaries?

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