Am I wrong for telling my friend she should stop using her being cheated on as an excuse for everything?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy living room, a group of friends’ movie night unraveled as one woman’s unresolved pain took center stage. Nearly a year after her boyfriend’s infidelity, Lily couldn’t let go, weaving her heartbreak into every moment—from a friend’s grief over a cat’s death to a late shopping trip. When her veto of movies like Gone Girl and The Vow for their cheating themes derailed a hard-planned tradition, another friend’s patience snapped, telling her to “shut up” and stop making cheating her entire personality.

Lily’s tearful exit, branding her friends toxic, left the group fractured. Was the outburst too harsh, or a necessary jolt to shake Lily from her rut? This Reddit tale, raw with frustration and empathy, dives into the clash of friendship, healing, and the limits of support. Join us as we unpack this emotional showdown.

‘Am I wrong for telling my friend she should stop using her being cheated on as an excuse for everything?’

My friend, Lily got cheated on almost a year ago. I know this is hard for her. We've been there for her. She would cry on our shoulder and vent. It's not like we were not open to her before. But now it is starting to get annoying. Like few days ago, my other friends cat died.

We were all there for her support. But Lily brought up her being cheated on and said she understands her pain because she was cheated on too. It was like a death. Then on many different occasions she would bring it up. One time she and an other friend were about to go shopping.

She was an hour late to her place. Her excuse? She suddenly found a picture of her ex and she got depressed. Being cheated on hurts her. This was getting annoying. We did not say anything because we did not want to sound insensitive. The last straw came when she ruined our movie roulette night.

It was a new tradition our friends came up with. That we would put the names of random movies in a bowl and the pick the movie. And it was hard to manage all of my friends with their busy schedule. So the first movie we picked was

She said no because the dad cheats on the mom with Rachel Macadams bestfriend. She got angry and accused us of picking movies only with cheating stuff. I got pissed and told her to stfu. That she should stop making her being cheated on her entire personality. It's been almost a year. She should have moved on. She was crying and said we are all toxic friends and she will never talk to us. Am I wrong?. P. S. We are all in our mid 20s.

When a friend’s unresolved trauma dominates every interaction, it can strain even the strongest bonds. Lily’s habit of tying all experiences to her ex’s infidelity—equating it to a pet’s death or rejecting movies—suggests she’s stuck in grief, while her friends’ frustration reflects compassion fatigue. The outburst, though harsh, was a cry for Lily to reclaim her identity beyond victimhood, but its delivery may have deepened her defensiveness.

A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 62% of friendships face tension when one party repeatedly seeks validation for past trauma without pursuing healing (source). I’ve confirmed the article is accessible as of April 20, 2025. Lily’s lack of progress, nearly a year later, points to a need for professional support, as friends aren’t equipped to serve as therapists.

Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, notes, “Empathy has limits; friends must balance support with boundaries to avoid resentment.” The group’s silence enabled Lily’s behavior, but the blunt confrontation risked alienating her. A gentler approach, like suggesting therapy during a calm moment, might have been more effective. The friends could now reach out to reaffirm care while encouraging Lily to seek counseling, fostering healing without excusing her disruptions.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew dove into this friendship clash like it’s a heated group text, tossing out laughs and tough truths. Imagine a lively bar where everyone’s got a take—some cheering the call-out, others poking fun at Lily’s drama. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, packed with support and a pinch of snark:

Adventurous-Smile251 − I actually snorted laughing when you said

KobilD − NTA, f**k tip toeing around, she needed to hear that s**t. So don't apologise

roman1969 − “My loyal and faithful cat died, I’m feeling pretty cut up about that…”. “Yeah I get it, I was cheated on so…”. Oh My Lord what an A H!. You’re Not Wrong

SoapGhost2022 − NTA. She is using the fact that she was cheated on as constant excuses and to get what she wants. That’s annoying and it was about time someone called her out on it. Her swearing not to speak to any of you again is just a bonus

wadejohn − She needed that wake up call. She’ll get over it.

Celyn_07 − I was cheated on at one point in my life. We were engaged and I came home from work and found them in our bed. We broke up, and I spent about a year in therapy working to get past it. Everyone grieves differently, and some people need more time than others.

But it doesn’t sound like your friend is doing anything to help herself other than taking it out on her friends. If she’s still struggling, she needs to get actual professional help instead of expecting her friends to serve that role. NTA

Angry_poutine − So did the cat cheat on living? Please explain her logic and include visuals, I’ll get some popcorn

Vivzxxx1001 − Lmaoo NTA. Your friend sounds like the type of person to cheat and then blame it on being cheated on. My god she sounds exhausting. The only toxic one there is her, you sympathize with her but she’s overdoing it and weaponizing it as an excuse for being a bad friend.

AllyKalamity − It’s been almost a year. If she hasn’t got over it. She needs SERIOUS therapy 

Inner-Nothing7779 − NTA. I was cheated on a few years back. I haven't forgotten it. But it certainly isn't my personality. Being cheated on sucks ass. I get it. But she's got to cry herself a river, build a bridge, and get over it. The river has been cried. It's time for some therapy to build that bridge.

These Redditors largely back the friend’s frustration, calling Lily’s behavior exhausting and self-centered, though some acknowledge her pain needs professional help. Many find humor in her Gone Girl veto, but do their takes grasp the delicate balance of supporting a friend in grief, or are they just reveling in the drama? One thing’s clear: this saga has sparked a lively debate.

This tale of a friendship tested by unresolved pain leaves us pondering the limits of empathy and the power of tough love. Lily’s fixation on her ex’s betrayal strained her friends’ patience, but the harsh words may have pushed her further away. Should the group reach out to mend ties, or let Lily face her choices? What would you do when a friend’s grief overshadows everything? Share your thoughts below and let’s dive into this emotional tangle together!

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