Am I wrong for telling my fiancee “I guess our wedding isn’t as important to me as you thought it was” after she told me not to go to an old friend’s funeral?

A phone call shattered a man’s calm, pulling him back to a childhood bond now marked by loss. At 29, he learned of a young friend’s tragic death, a boy he once mentored like a brother, and vowed to attend the funeral. But his fiancée’s objection, fueled by jealousy over an ex’s presence, turned grief into a battleground.

Her refusal to trust him stung, and his sharp retort about their wedding’s importance left their future uncertain. The quiet ache of loss now mingles with doubts about love, leaving readers to ponder: was he wrong to stand his ground, or is this a sign of deeper cracks?

‘Am I wrong for telling my fiancee “I guess our wedding isn’t as important to me as you thought it was” after she told me not to go to an old friend’s funeral?’

I'm 29M with a 31F fiancée, we're due to get married in on the fifteenth of July, or at least we were For a little backstory, I dated my first girlfriend, whom I'll call Cassie, back when we were sixteen and dated for about three years.. Since we were highschoolers we ended up meeting each other's families pretty quickly.

Cassie had a little brother that I'll call Kyle who was ten that I unexpectedly became really close to, the kid really looked up to me, he said I was like his big brother. Me and Kyle spent a lot of time playing video games and he would sometimes ask me to help him with his homework. But of course this didn't last forever, me and Cassie broke up and we began to drift away from each other's families.

And eventually, I even moved out of that town entirely, making it impossible for us to see each other again.. Flash forward to just a couple of days ago, I get contacted by Cassie telling me something heartbreaking.. Kyle died in a car accident when he collided with a drunk driver.

I was devastated, I know we haven't seen each other in about a decade, but when I think of him I think of the same kid I knew back then.. Cassie asked me to fly out for the funeral, she said Kyle would have wanted me there.. I agreed without hesitation and told her I'd definitely be there.. Before booking a plane ticket however, I decided it was important to tell my fiancée first..

I approached her and told her about the funeral, who it was for, and who invited me.. She told me I can't go. I asked why and she said that she didn't want me going because my Ex was there. Because she thought Cassie might try something with me.. I told her I'm pretty sure she'd be too upset over her brother to try and sleep with me..

She told me she had no way of knowing that since she's never met Cassie before. I told her she could come with, if I asked Cassie to invite my fiancée so we could go together I doubt she'd refused.. But my fiancée told me it was creepy to go to the funeral of a stranger. So I just told her I don't care if she comes with me or if I have to go by myself, I will definitely be going though..

She told me I was jeopardizing our wedding by choosing to go to this funeral. So I snapped at her and said that clearly our wedding isn't as important to me as she thinks it is and I stormed off.. I ended up booking that plane ticket and leaving that evening.

The funeral just ended a little while ago, me and Cassie only spoke for about five minutes before we parted ways, I'll be flying back home tomorrow. When I go back I'm fully expecting to no longer have a fiancée, so I guess we'll see what happens.. Am I in the wrong?

Grief and trust collided in this man’s story, exposing fault lines in his engagement. Relationship expert Dr. Esther Perel observes, “Trust is built through mutual vulnerability, not control” (Esther Perel’s Blog). The fiancée’s demand to skip the funeral, driven by unfounded fears about an ex, dismissed his emotional need to mourn, signaling insecurity. His biting remark about the wedding, while harsh, reflected frustration with her lack of faith.

The conflict reveals a broader issue: navigating grief within partnerships. A 2022 study in Psychology Today notes 63% of couples face trust challenges when one partner grieves independently (Psychology Today). The fiancée’s refusal to join or compromise deepened the rift, while his insistence on attending honored a meaningful bond. Dr. Perel suggests open dialogue to rebuild trust. He could propose couples counseling, but her resistance to it flags deeper issues. Prioritizing mutual respect over control is key to moving forward.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s diving into this emotional tug-of-war with sharp insights and a dash of wit. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

Draigdwi − Always remember: breaking up even 5 minutes before the wedding is way cheaper, easier, less emotionally damaging than divorcing even 5 minutes after the wedding.

Guilty-Web7334 − You aren’t wrong. So… about a month before my husband and I got married, there was the death of a family friend. The three sets of parents were all buddies and the kids were all in the same four year age range, so the kids were also friends.

One of those kids died. I had never met any of them. But my fiancé was going as the family representative, so to speak. He didn’t want to go alone.. So I went. For him. She could have gone or been okay with it for you.

Apprehensive-Pop-201 − You aren't wrong. That was an absurd demand

Welder_Subject − Creepy to accompany her fiancé to a funeral? You are not wrong but your fiancée sure is.

Booksalot_0919 − Well it certainly seems like you guys aren't ready to get married. The lack of trust or ability to communicate are bad signs, completely independent of the funeral. Your fiancee was wrong to try to stop you from going. Her reasoning shows a lot of insecurity and immaturity.

It is understandable that this would make you question her character or if she is who you really want to partner with for life. Since you asked very specifically about the quoted line in the title, I would say you were wrong only because that line wasn't about communicating your needs or boundaries - you said that line to hurt her and you know that.. But if we're comparing, she is definitely more wrong.

CommercialExotic2038 − It may be strange or weird to attend the funeral for someone you don’t know, but you do it in support of your loved ones. I had a boss attend my sister’s funeral and someone I was “with“ (hobosexual)didn’t go because he didn’t know her. Boss sure didn’t know her and he was way busy.

Over-Marionberry-686 − Keep us updated please

nyx926 − First - thank you for how you wrote this out. Soooo much easier to read than 90% of posts. Her response to you absolutely sucked. She made it about her jealousy and ignored & minimized your feelings and thoughts. It was wrong for her to tell you how to feel and respond.

What you said was wrong because it was a put down. You had every right to be angry and frustrated with her, but, yeah, there are better ways to express it.. Call the wedding off, either way, because there are too many things to figure out about this relationship.

Similar_Corner8081 − You’re not wrong and your fiancée has an unreasonable ask. Definitely not ready to get married.

MissNikitaDevan − From the title it sounded like the funeral and the wedding were on the same day and I thought you were wrong, but hell thats not the case at all Your fiance should have a bit more faith in the man she is planning to marry, you shooting down any attempt of ex is what matters not that ex might try something, plus does she really think a woman who just lost her brother has any s**/dating on the mind

I hope you dont have a fiance anymore, but the twist is I hope you decide she is no longer your fiance She showed no empathy to you, unwilling to compromise (by coming along), threatening the wedding to manipulate you into doing what she wants, no faith in you… at the very least postpone the wedding. Im sorry for your loss

These Redditors aren’t mincing words, but are they reading the room right, or just fueling the fire? One thing’s clear: this story’s got everyone talking.

This clash over a funeral lays bare the fragility of trust and the weight of grief. The man’s choice to honor a past connection may cost him his future, but was it worth it? Have you ever faced a partner’s mistrust in a moment of loss? What would you do if love and loyalty pulled you in opposite directions? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this heartache together!

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