Am I wrong for refusing to get my wife her “dream dog”?

In a cozy home filled with the gentle snores of a 15-year-old dog, a couple’s dream of expanding their furry family hits a snarling snag. The husband, a lifelong dog lover, faces a dilemma when his wife falls for Bruce, a hulking shelter dog with a bite history and a grudge against men. What should be a heartwarming adoption story morphs into a tense standoff, with safety and sentiment at odds.

As Bruce’s growls echo through their visits to the shelter, the husband digs in, refusing to risk his senior dog’s peace or his own well-being. This Reddit tale pulls us into a tug-of-war between love for a rescue and loyalty to the pack at home. It’s a story that’ll make you ponder: when does compassion for a shelter dog outweigh the risks?

‘Am I wrong for refusing to get my wife her “dream dog”?’

I've grown up with dogs. There hasn't been a time in my life where there wasn't at least one dog in the household. Currently I have my senior dog who's 15 and still going strong. My wife and I looked into getting a shelter dog a year ago, but after the shelter lied to us about the dog's health and we luckily found out before signing any paper, backed out.

We're still trying to get one from a shelter, but we're trying to be more careful. Two months ago my wife found her

I don't have anything against either of those breeds, in fact I like them a lot. Bruce's personality is the issue. He's dog aggressive and aggressive towards men. He's tried to bite me every single time I've seen him. There is no way I am bringing a dog into my home that is aggressive towards me and my senior dog.

She doesn't need that stress and I refuse to put her into danger. My wife argues that Bruce needs a family, as he's been in the shelter for 4 years. I don't think we can be that. I told her that it would take months to get him to stop being aggressive towards dogs and men.

She thinks of him as an angel that wouldn't actually harm anyone. The staff at shelter has told us they don't let any of their male staff work with him because he's bitten them before. I can't bring myself to risk my own dog's safety for this dog, especially one that hates me.

I told my wife she can try training him and once he's no longer a safety risk she can bring him home, but she refuses. She's telling me I'm being a jerk and ruining this for her. I just don't want a dog in my house that would bite my senior dog.. I feel sorry for Bruce but I'm not willing to bring such a dog into my house.

Edit: This post has become popular among the Pitbull hater crowd. Bruce isn't a Pitbull. I don't care if you think Pitbulls should be banned, as this has nothing to do with Pitbulls. Bruce is this way due to abuse, not genetics. Please stop turning this into a breeding ground of calling for banning Pitbulls.

Saying no to a dog with a wagging tail is tough, but when that tail comes with teeth aimed at you, it’s a no-brainer. The Reddit user’s stand against adopting Bruce, a dog aggressive toward men and other dogs, pits practicality against his wife’s rose-tinted vision. She sees a misunderstood angel; he sees a safety hazard for their senior dog and himself.

Pet adoption isn’t always a fairy tale. A 2022 ASPCA study found 20% of adopted dogs are returned due to behavioral issues, like aggression. Veterinary behaviorist Dr. Karen Overall notes, “Aggressive dogs need structured rehabilitation, not wishful thinking. Placing them in homes with triggers—like other pets—can escalate risks” (source: Journal of Veterinary Behavior). Bruce’s history of biting male staff screams red flags the wife’s ignoring.

This clash mirrors broader tensions in pet adoption: balancing empathy for rescues with realistic home dynamics. The husband’s compromise—train Bruce first—was fair, but her refusal suggests emotional blind spots.

Advice: Couples must align on pet decisions. Consult a certified trainer before adopting high-risk dogs, and prioritize existing pets’ safety.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit hive mind unleashed a whirlwind of reactions, serving up a mix of fiery support and sharp-witted shade. From slamming the wife’s risky rescue fantasy to applauding the husband’s protective instincts, the comments bark louder than a kennel at feeding time. Here’s a glimpse at their raw, unfiltered takes on this furry fiasco.

140814081408 − No. No no no no. Do not get any dog that is a danger to you or your dog: Wife: wrong and selfish.

RubProfessional9920 − I’m gonna be honest, I think you’re under-reacting. She is INSISTENT upon putting you and the dog she’s been living with since you moved in together in danger, all for her “dream”. The dog has bitten multiple male trained professionals and she thinks “uh-hyuck, hubby’ll be fine”.

You should be pissed that she’s so willing to jeopardize two members of her family just for her savior complex. What if on a walk Bruce bites your neighbor, or their son? Worse, what happens if you guys have a little baby boy one day? I get your dog is your primary focus, very noble, but there’s much more than just her at stake here.

You should be vehemently shutting this s**t down. It’s not only stupid but extremely dangerous and will likely land Bruce euthanized and you possibly in a lawsuit. NTA as it stands, but YWBTA if she keeps pushing and you don’t secure your family’s safety by quashing this bs. Side note for the pitbull haters: Stop inviting me to ur subreddit. I can’t believe your pass time is victim blaming dogs, get a f**king life.

Huge-King-3663 − Just tell her she can have the dog or a husband. And stand on it.

dreymaux − So according to your wife, this dog...the one who's tried to bite you every time you see him...the one who's so aggressive that literally no male staff workers at the shelter even bother trying anymore...is an angel and just needs a family?? She sounds incapable of seeing the reality in front of her.

I have a feeling if you got him and he ended up biting you, she'd say it was somehow your fault for antagonizing him. It also doesn't help that she's already refusing to train a dog you can't even get near. Seems like a recipe for disaster. I think this is one of those scenarios where it's better to be perceived as a jerk than to risk peace and safety.

It makes sense it's her dream dog cause she's living in a fantasy world if she doesn't see the red flags. Unrelated, but I can't help but wonder what her dating life was like before meeting you. She sounds like the type of person who unironically says

enlitenme − That's an automatic no and she's lying to herself if she thinks this is going to go well. It's also incredibly unfair to your senior to bring in a reactive, large dog.

Sometimes when you have a chill senior you forget how much work it is to train a rescue dog, or maybe your wife doesn't know at all how hard this would be.

Worse still, she's going to be o**rwhelmed and Bruce will be euthanized with a bit record.  ANY dog is going to require training from her and you on the same page and with the same techniques. Until that pact exists, no dog. I have a reasonably challenging dog and it is basically my number one hobby to meet his needs and shape my life around him. It's a lot.

[Reddit User] − The shelter would be incredibly negligent if they allowed you to adopt that dog.. Your wife is not thinking logically & is being very selfish.

lestabbity − My husband and I dog sit and we both adore rescues. We have a senior dog, and have adopted rescues with behavior problems in the past, and will again (but not one that will be a danger to our old potato). I love big dogs, and I absolutely would not let that dog in my house.

A cane Corso mix can do a lot of damage with even a small bite, and it sucks that because of his size, he won't be adopted as easily as a smaller, more ineffective dog, but if your wife can't think of you and your senior dog, maybe she should consider the rescue dog's well being.

A dog that is aggressive and reactive to both men and other dogs should not be in a home where he will constantly be on edge and feeling aggressive. That is not an environment conducive to rehabilitating him. Reactive dogs should be slowly and safely exposed to their triggers, not forced to live with them. He's likely to get worse, not better, in your home.

OBoile − She seriously wants a dog that will attack you? I guess that clears up any questions about her feelings towards you. Sleep with one eye open and make sure she hasn't taken out any life insurance policies on you.

External_Expert_2069 − I think you went above any beyond offering to have him come home if she trains Bruce. And yet she declined 🤔 If you come home and Bruce is there I would grab the elderly dog and stay elsewhere.

JukeboxTears − Your wife is insane.

These Reddit zingers hit like a well-aimed fetch ball, but do they truly capture the tug-of-war between saving a shelter dog and safeguarding a home? One thing’s for sure: the crowd’s ready to throw down for pet safety over pipe dreams.

This play shows that love for animals can’t trump the safety of home. A husband’s steadfast stance may save his aging dog from stress—and himself from stitches. Have you ever had to let go of a beloved pet? Leave your story or adoption tips in the comments—let’s learn together!

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