Am I Wrong For Refusing To Associate With Brother’s Unfaithful Partner?

Family loyalty can feel like an unspoken bond—but what happens when the people you love betray the trust of others? When OP’s brother Robert left his marriage to embark on an affair with Yvonne—who then lied that she was fleeing abuse—OP watched helplessly as the fallout nearly drove an innocent man to despair. Years later, the shadow of that deception still hangs heavy over family gatherings.

Now, whenever Yvonne appears, OP’s silence echoes louder than any greeting. At a recent reunion, Robert stationed his partner directly before OP, demanding recognition. But OP held firm, refusing to validate a union born of betrayal and falsehood. In that quiet defiance lies a fundamental question: does moral outrage justify permanent exile from the family fold?

‘Am I Wrong For Refusing To Associate With Brother’s Unfaithful Partner?’

betrayal trauma runs deep when those we trust break sacred vows. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that “betrayal shatters our sense of safety and can cause lasting damage to the betrayed partner’s self‑worth”—a wound that often reverberates through the entire family. When lies are used to cover an affair, the ripple effects can destroy relationships and security for everyone involved.

Maintaining healthy boundaries after wrongdoing is an act of self‑respect. Dr. Michele Kerulis explains that “jealousy and betrayal trigger boundary‑setting behaviors as we strive to protect ourselves from further harm” . OP’s refusal to acknowledge Yvonne—or even to engage Robert on the issue—is a clear boundary born not of malice, but of moral conviction.

Forgiveness can be a gift to oneself, but it must be earned. As Brené Brown notes, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others” . In family dynamics, that courage often looks like standing apart from those who refuse accountability, even if it means enduring awkward silences at gatherings.

Finally, family healers warn against forced reconciliation. Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy, argues that “true repair requires genuine regret, understanding of harm done, and steps to rebuild trust”—none of which can occur when the offending party remains unrepentant. OP’s stance—ignoring both brother and partner until they admit their wrongdoing—aligns with the principle that trust must be rebuilt, not assumed.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Readers largely sided with OP, asserting that cheaters and liars forfeit their claim to family acceptance. Many praised OP’s moral clarity and urged continued silence until genuine admission of harm. Commenters warned that compassion without accountability only enables further deceit, and encouraged OP to maintain distance until Robert and Yvonne take responsibility for the pain they caused.

When betrayal enters the family circle, the impulse to cut ties can feel both harsh and necessary. OP’s refusal to associate with a partner forged in lies underscores the power of boundaries to protect moral integrity.

Have you ever faced pressure to reconcile with a family member after a serious breach of trust? How did you decide whether to forgive or to stand firm? Share your experiences and insights below.