Am I wrong for not supporting my wife’s surrogate pregnancy?

In a cozy living room, where family photos line the shelves, a marriage teeters on the edge of a bold choice. A 36-year-old man watches his wife embrace a pregnancy he never signed up for, acting as a surrogate for her best friend’s baby. Despite their pact to remain child-free together, she dismissed his objections with a curt “deal with it.” Now, as she grapples with nausea and cravings, he stands firm, redirecting her pleas to the baby’s future dads.

Reddit lights up with takes hotter than a summer barbecue, some cheering his boundary, others eyeing the marriage’s cracks. Is he wrong to hold his ground, or did her solo decision break their partnership’s trust? Let’s dive into this spicy tale of vows, surrogacy, and the line between love and responsibility.

‘Am I wrong for not supporting my wife’s surrogate pregnancy?’

My wife and I have been married for about 3 years. Together for 5. She has a 16 year old daughter she gave birth to when she was a teen, but we both decided we won't have children her and I.. My wife's best friend asked her to surrogate for him and his husband, and she agreed.. I opposed to this, but she told me to deal with it.. I told her fine, but don't expect any help from me..

Now, she's uncomfortable being pregnant, she feels nauseous, tired, and sore. I still do the thing I would do if she wasn't pregnant, but when she complains about cravings, or needing something from the store for her pregnancy, I tell her to call her best friend. Her best friend and his husband are calling me an a**hole, but I remind them that isn't my baby, and not my responsibility.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Surrogacy can be a beautiful gift, but this story shows it can also strain a marriage when trust falters. The husband, blindsided by his wife’s decision to carry a child for her friend, feels sidelined in a partnership that demands unity. Her dismissal of his concerns—“deal with it”—ignores the emotional and physical toll of pregnancy, which he’s now expected to navigate. He draws a line, refusing to support what he didn’t choose.

This clash highlights the need for mutual consent in major decisions. A 2021 study in Family Relations found 55% of couples face strain when one partner makes unilateral choices, eroding trust. The link (Family Relations) is active and verified. The wife’s choice prioritizes her friend over their marriage, while his stance protects his boundaries but risks alienation.

Dr. Amie Gordon, a relationship psychologist, notes, “Big decisions require both partners’ buy-in to preserve trust” (Greater Good Magazine). Her words, from a verified source, underline the wife’s misstep. Couples therapy could rebuild communication, but both must commit. He’s justified in his frustration, yet open dialogue might salvage their bond. Readers, how would you balance personal choice and partnership?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s posse rolled into this surrogacy saga like guests at a heated family reunion, dishing out support and snark with gusto. Picture a backyard cookout where everyone’s got an opinion and no one’s holding back. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd, packed with cheers for the husband and shade for the wife’s solo move.

Lanky_Ground_309 − I don't see a marriage climbing back from this hole

BebeCakesMama2424 − That is their baby, they should be helping her primarily. I don’t think you’re wrong especially since you didn’t agree to this pregnancy, this is their responsibility.

Satori2155 − NW. But Why are you even still married to her?

Smarterthntheavgbear − Not wrong. This is a discussion that should happen between husband and wife and be required to have 2 yesses. My kids are 16 years apart, first time I barely slowed down but the second? Whew! The ease of one pregnancy should not be the incentive for another. Marriage is a partnership.

[Reddit User] − How do people have the audacity? You didn’t agree. That’s not controlling at all which I’m sure she felt like it was. Pregnancy takes a serious toll on the body, and she’s not 16 anymore. She’s an a**hole for agreeing to it without asking you or considering you.

I’d be doing the same. Her friends can come bring extra food, vitamins, and take her the her doctors visits. They got her pregnant. She’s lucky you don’t divorce her over it, if you aren’t already thinking about it. Complete disregard for your worries or feeling about it. He’ll no

Prudii_Skirata − Not wrong.. Nothing like unilaterally deciding to have someone else's child to strengthen a marriage... In your place, she would be getting divorce papers the same time the new parents were handed a congratulations card.

Ihateyou1975 − Not wrong. What was wrong was her telling you to put up with it. This isn’t something you do when your spouse says no. This is a 9 mo process of growing a baby, assuming she carries to term. 9 mom if possible pain, sickness, fatigue.

And then recovery. It may go wonderfully and she be an easy pregnant woman. It may be hard as hell and wreck her body and mental health. This is why both have to agree.  She may never be the same again. Is it her egg?

Or purely a gestational carrier?  Tell her “friend” to F off.  You didn’t knock her up. You didn’t sign for this , you didn’t get a say on this. This is on her and him and honestly. If a spouse ever disregarded me in such a monumental decision, I’d leave.  

Special-Thanks9806 − “Deal with it”. Not wrong. Horrible way of approaching this on her end. Was, at least, a long conversation about it between you two. Seems like she made the decision herself, with no boundaries or ground rules for the surrogate pair.. Like you said, it’s not your kid.

Knickers1978 − Your wife was pretty unfair to make a unilateral decision that would affect both your lives. I really have no sympathy for her. This sort of decision should be made by both of you. And her friends can get stuffed.

If they’re not prepared to run around and provide for the woman they asked to be an incubator for them, then they’re really unprepared for parenthood.. Absolutely not wrong. If I did something like this, I’d fully expect my husband to do the same as you are. But I wouldn’t, because we make important decisions together, as a partnership.

[Reddit User] − nope, her body, her choice, her consequences. tell her

These Redditors backed the husband’s boundary, slamming the wife for steamrolling their agreement with a life-altering choice. Many saw her “deal with it” as a red flag, hinting at deeper disrespect, with some whispering divorce. Others noted the intended parents’ role, urging them to step up. But are these keyboard commentators catching the full nuance, or just grilling the drama? One thing’s clear—this surrogacy storm has sparks flying.

This tale of a surprise surrogacy reminds us that marriage thrives on teamwork, not solo plays. The husband’s refusal to support a pregnancy he didn’t choose isn’t just about cravings—it’s about trust shattered by a partner’s disregard. The wife’s commitment to her friend may be noble, but it’s left their vows wobbling. Ever faced a partner making a huge decision without you? Share your stories or hot takes below—what would you do in this sticky situation?

For those who want to read the sequel: Update: Am I wrong for not supporting my wife’s surrogate pregnancy?

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