Am I wrong for not checking pockets and washing airpods?

In a bustling home filled with the chaos of a teething baby and a toddler’s “help,” a stay-at-home mom juggled laundry and love. The air hummed with the whir of the dryer, until a telltale clunk revealed a costly mistake: her husband’s Airpods, freshly tumbled. His anger flared—she should’ve checked his pockets, he said, since he slaves away at work. This Reddit saga, steeped in the mess of domestic life, pulls us into the fray of fairness and forgotten earbuds.

With a German Shepherd shedding fur and work clothes caked in diesel oil, this mom’s laundry routine is no small feat. Add two kids under three, and it’s a miracle the house still stands. When her husband’s frustration boiled over, readers couldn’t help but wonder: who’s really at fault when Airpods take a spin? Dive into this tale of chore wars and unspoken expectations.

‘Am I wrong for not checking pockets and washing airpods?’

I (25f) am a SAHM to a 2 year old and 6 month old. My husband (28m) works nights, full time & over time (12 hour days) in a hard labor job 5 days a week. As a SAHM I take care of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and of course the babies. For the 2 years I've been a SAHM, I've asked that he clean out his pockets and flip his clothes the right way after taking them off (he has a habit of leaving them inside out).

It adds a stupid amount of time to clean out pockets and flip clothes when washing. Yesterday, my husband went night fishing with a friend and I stayed home and cleaned the house up a bit. In between cleaning the carpets, I started washing his work clothes. My 6mo. old was crying (he's teething) on my hip and my 2 year old was trying to help.

After I switched over the laundry, I heard banging around in the dryer. I ran over and pulled out all the laundry and found his airpods. My husband got home from fishing to find the airpods on top of the dryer and he asked if I washed them. He got angry and asked why I didn't check his pockets for them.

He said he works, and shouldn't have to clean his own pockets. I said it's not my job to check for airpods. He's currently angry with me and went straight to sleep, leaving me alone with the kids again.. Am I wrong for not checking for the airpods before doing laundry?

Edit: Thank you everyone! I feel bad since they're pretty expensive but it's hard doing so many things at once, especially with a crying baby in my ear. I don't think it's a big ask to simply empty pockets before they go in the basket... It's something he uses often so they should come out anyway, like keys, wallet and phone...

Why not get them out right away instead of going hunting for them when you need them? For everyone concerned about me asking him to flip the clothes, it's because we have a German Shepherd Dog and if they're not flipped and dryed the right way, the fur just will not come off. Also, he does have his own basket, he actually has 2. I wash his work clothes entirely seperate since he's a diesel tech and he often has oil and stuff spilled on them..

Edit #2: Alright, some backround info, 1. He often leaves things like nuts, bolts, etc. in his pockets. Never been a big issue with things like that, I have a little box to throw those things if I come across them. The big reason I ask he empty his pockets is because he'll leave his work ID in them, throw them in the basket, and then call me at 12am asking that I go thru all the pants to find it.

He can't get into his workplace without the ID, yet leaves it often. This is the first time he's left airpods. 2. I'd love to have some extra time to go thru his clothes and check each item but my 2 year old doesn't nap anymore, maybe during car rides but not if we're home all day. Currently my 6mo. old is napping maybe 20 minutes at a time.

During which I'm trying to eat or trapped under him as he won't let me lay him down. Which leads me to, I don't have time to stand there and check all the pockets of all his pants. If I feel something bulky, or hear something then I'll grab it. 3. His work clothes basket is seperate from other clothes. His work offers laundry service but he never remembers to prepare and take it.

4. He's former miltary so he's worked LONG, hard hours and then gone home to do his own laundry and clean his own area. 5. The only night I've had off from taking care of small humans is when I was giving birth to the second one. I've not gone more than 4 hours away from them..

Update: After letting him sleep it off for a bit, I woke him up and gave him hell. He agreed he was wrong, and said he was just hurt thinking that I didn't care about him enough to check. Again I told him that it's not my place as I'm not his mother. He agreed and said he'd start doing his own laundry.

Laundry mishaps can spark surprising tension in even the strongest partnerships. The husband’s insistence that pocket-checking is his wife’s duty, given his grueling work hours, clashes with her reality as a SAHM managing two young kids. Relationship expert Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, says, “Fairness is not about keeping score but about mutual respect” (source: Psychology Today). Here, respect seems lost in the laundry pile.

The wife’s request for pocket-emptying is practical—work IDs and Airpods aren’t her responsibility to hunt down. His former military discipline suggests he’s capable, yet he leans on her, perhaps feeling entitled by his breadwinner role. Her overwhelmed schedule, with no nap breaks and constant childcare, leaves little room for extra tasks.

This spat reflects a broader issue: the unequal division of household labor. A 2020 Pew Research study found 59% of women feel they do more housework than their partners (source: Pew Research Center). The wife’s role as a SAHM is a full-time job, saving daycare costs, yet undervalued by her husband’s stance.

Dr. Lerner suggests couples negotiate chores explicitly to avoid resentment. The wife could propose a clear division—perhaps he handles his own laundry. Open dialogue, not blame, can reset expectations.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit brought the heat with this one, dishing out humor and hard truths like a laundry fairy collecting pocket treasures. From sassy quips to firm advice, the community had plenty to say:

GrammaM − My hubby and son both refused to empty their own pockets. When they left money in them, I claimed it as “the laundry fairy”. Amazingly, they started emptying their own pockets. Who could have imagined!? 🤷🏻‍♀️

InitiativeSharp3202 − He works so he shouldn’t have to check his pockets? Uh, no dude, you work as a fully functional adult who is capable of cleaning out your own damn pockets. You can either clean them out or do ALL of your own laundry. I’ve washed my husbands ecigs, wallet, money, pens, etc and he’s never once blamed me because he stuck it in the laundry indicating it was ready to be washed as is. He needs to grow up.

Effective-Several − Either he empties his own pockets or he does his own laundry. His choice.. You’re not wrong.

Rain3lf − You are not wrong. Yes he works but so do you. Being a sahm is a full time job in and of itself.. If he doesn't want to have his stuff destroyed he can do his own laundry. When he comes home from work does he do anything to help around the house? Does he help with the kids? When do you get a break from your full time 24/7 job of being a sahm? He gets to come home from work you are always at work since it is home

itsmygayhayday − He's a grown up, he can take the stuff out of his pockets.

Whiskeygirl81 − I have a rule in my house, anyone over the age of 8 has to empty their pockets, and turn their clothes the right side out. I too was a SAHM at one time, even then I did not do these for anyone. They are old enough to do it themselves, so anything left in pockets will be washed, and ruined..

My husband and son both learned this the hard way.. Now they empty their own pockets.. They are grown, and are responsible for their own items in their own clothes.. This whole I work so you should do this for me is b**lshit. My husband worked, came home, and still did things like clean his pockets out, he also took out the garbage, and mowed the lawn.

Just because he has a out of house job that pays money doesn't make him any better than me. I worked from home as a mom, maid, etc. Me being a SAHM saved us a lot of money that we didn't have to use for daycare etc. If he wants to hold that card over you, then say fine, I will be looking for a job, as well as daycare, you will pay half of it, and start doing half the housework, and laundry. As well as helping with the kids, since you don't see my contributions as a job.

FeralBottleofMtDew − My sister went through this with her husband and kids. Her kids were older than yours, so she made a new rule. Anything she found in pockets on laundry day became her property. Before the kids got into the habit of emptying their pockets she took ownership of quite a collection of matchbox cars, acorns, rocks, bits of crayon,and rubber bands.

Her husband's pockets were happier finds. He had a habit of breaking a 20 to buy a cup of coffee and a donut and dumping the change in the pockets of his work pants. Eventually they all learned to empty their pockets. Then her husband used it...he would leave her little notes, and invitations to dinner out in his pockets.

Dramatic-Use-6086 − Not wrong. I’m a stay at home mom with an older child. I don’t check anyones pockets. If they are in the laundry basket they should be good to wash. And I also don’t pick up laundry from anywhere else to wash. You are his wife, not his maid or mom…. Just because you stay at home doesn’t mean you wait on him hand and foot and do all his bidding. Watching 2 under 2 is a full time job without all the extras.

FireRescue3 − I do not check pockets. This is law in my home. The first person to fuss about any chore I am doing for them will do it themselves from now through eternity. This is also law.. Check your stuff or do it yourself. Complain to me? Do it yourself forever.. Yes, he works. Amazingly, I do too. I. Work. At. Home.

Lilacblue1 − My god some men are just children. Does he need his b**t wiped and to be spoon fed too? Every adult in a household should be responsible for their own personal things. If they care about an object, they should take care of it. Basic responsibility.

These takes are bold, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just Reddit’s signature spice? One thing’s certain—nobody’s volunteering to check those pockets!

This tale of tumbled Airpods and frazzled parents reminds us that love can get tangled in the daily grind. Was the mom wrong for missing the earbuds, or is the husband’s pocket-checking demand a step too far? Reddit’s chorus leans toward personal responsibility, but every home has its own rhythm. How would you handle a chore dispute like this? Share your stories below and let’s sort this laundry mess together!

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