Am I wrong for not allowing my child around MIL’s boyfriend though he “doesn’t mean what he says”?

A mother’s protective instincts clash with family dynamics as she bars her one-year-old son from her mother-in-law’s (MIL) boyfriend, Kyle, a media figure who profits from controversial, sexist rhetoric. Despite MIL’s claims that Kyle’s on-air persona is a facade and he’s kind in private, the mother feels uneasy about his influence, fearing it could shape her son’s values.

Her decision strains family ties, leaving MIL furious and limiting her grandson’s time with his grandmother. The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports her stance, condemning Kyle’s hypocrisy and harmful platform. Is she overreacting, or is protecting her son from such a figure justified?

‘Am I wrong for not allowing my child around MIL’s boyfriend though he “doesn’t mean what he says”?’

The mother was shocked when her MIL, a successful CEO, began dating Kyle:

MIL has a boyfriend who I will call Kyle who works in media and has a reputation for being very controversial, think Andrew Tate lite. Basically he gets paid to...

When I found out she was dating Kyle I was shocked to say the least. MIL is a CEO, raised my husband as a single mom, and the last person...

When we talked to her about it, MIL said that he is nothing like he is on air and he doesnt mean what he says. She also said he is...

I obviously didn't believe her, but that was four years ago and after getting to know him, I honestly do believe that. He is very supportive of MILs career, treats...

Kyle admits to exploiting his role for profit:

He laughs at his followers and thinks they are dumb for believing the s**t he says. He claims he just lucked into this role and couldn't believe how much money...

For four years I sucked it up and saw him at family gatherings. i always had an icky feeling about it and it makes me sick to see how he...

He is truly the definition of laughing all the way to the bank. When I had my son I decided I didn't want Kyle around him. I don't want to...

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MIL reacted strongly, and family tensions escalated:

MIL was furious. She called me selfish and pathetic and said Kyle is the only person who has made her happy ever, so why can't I just be happy for...

My son is now one and the issue is MIL is a workaholic who doesn't have that much free time, and in her free time has no interest in doing...

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This has resulted in us being excluded from family gatherings and MIL only meeting her grandson a few times. My husband is now asking me to reconsider as he claims...

The mother’s decision to protect her son from Kyle is valid. His public persona, promoting sexist and harmful rhetoric, risks normalizing toxic ideas, even if he claims it’s “just a job.” Her discomfort reflects a commitment to her child’s values.

Kyle’s behavior shows moral inconsistency—profiting from harmful speech while dismissing its impact suggests a lack of integrity. His private kindness doesn’t erase the social influence (Bandura’s social learning theory) his platform has, potentially shaping impressionable minds, including her son’s.

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As a one-year-old, her son is too young to be directly affected, but future exposure to Kyle’s content could confuse or mislead him. MIL’s defensiveness and prioritization of Kyle over family ties complicate matters, reflecting her own emotional needs.

Advice: Stand firm but discuss with your husband how Kyle’s influence could harm your son long-term. Propose MIL visits without Kyle to maintain family ties. If she refuses, prioritize your son’s safety. Therapy can help navigate family conflict and reinforce your boundaries.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community strongly supports the mother, condemning Kyle’s hypocrisy and urging her to protect her son. Here’s what they said:

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Criticizing Kyle’s hypocrisy and influence:

Elegant-Pressure-290 - He’s “not like that.” Except in public, on air, in front of strangers. He’s “not like that” except when there’s money involved. He’s “not like that” except when...

It sure sounds like he’s a hell of a lot like that whenever it suits him. To a degree, I honestly feel this is worse than being like that all...

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Instead, he’s the type of person who is willing to sacrifice his beliefs and morals for money. I wouldn’t want my kid around that kind of person, either, sexism aside....

I’d sit my husband down and have a long talk about exactly why he feels like it’s okay to have a man like this set an example as the type...

Trottenham - Your son is so young now, but at some point he will be older and have access to the internet. Someday he will stumble upon Kyle’s videos and...

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At that point he might think it’s true, right, not that bad… who knows what he’ll do with that info. I’d ask your mom what she/Kyle would do in the...

I’d also like to add my personal opinion, because I’m on Reddit and can do that: Kyle is a bad person. Don’t care if he is good outside of work....

I can’t really articulate how bad I think that is, but wow it really makes me mad that he is ok saying those things when he doesn’t even believe it!...

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Literally_Taken - By definition, MIL’s boyfriend isn’t a good man. A good man would hold himself accountable for his own words. We’re talking about words that will be used by...

This man’s justification for saying terrible things, and encouraging others to treat women badly, is that he’s a hypocrite. He is paid to teach misogyny to impressionable men. It sounds...

As a young family, he’s not someone you want in your lives. Is your mother-in-law so desperate for affection that she’s happy to be with a liar and hypocrite who...

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Whatever the answer, neither of them is the kind of person you want influencing you, your husband, or your child. If anyone is unhappy about your child spending less time...

No one has any excuse for being surprised that a young mother with an ounce of self-respect would refuse to socialize with that horrible man. Well done, OP! Hold your...

Any-Common-4969 - Kyle doesn’t say these things in front of us…yeah, only to the Internet. He only makes the world a lot more worse as it already is and puts...

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Emphasizing the harm of Kyle’s platform:

KrystalPistol - It's not just a job. It's hate speech.

blueavole - He’s paid to be a mouthpiece for junk and knows people believe him. When people show you who they are, believe them. Mom wants to ignore it, that’s...

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A kid will all too quickly become comfortable with him in person and listen to his on-air stuff. They can’t separate the two. Not wrong. Mom needs to realize the...

LeafyCandy - Not wrong. It's not "just a job." It's a job that harms others and can get people killed. And your son may end up listening to his stuff...

AnnieTheBlue - You're not wrong. He is spreading hate, which encourages violence, which means a lot of senseless death. Good for you for not wanting your son to be around...

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Highlighting risks to the son’s values:

josie0114 - If grandson were allowed to interact with MIL and Kyle throughout his childhood, how could this ever be explained? Either Kyle is a horrible Andrew Tate sort of...

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Bacch - Your son will wind up looking up to him and checking out the podcast himself one day. The last thing you want is for that to happen. It's...

and an impressionable teenage boy is exactly the demographic guys like that cater to. If you're inclined to learn more about the "manosphere", I highly recommend Behind the Bastards' episodes...

Questioning MIL’s judgment and priorities:

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missannthrope1 - When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. You are correct to protect your child from hypocrites. And your MIL is in for a...

3Heathens_Mom - I wonder if people who are on the board of the company your MIL is CEO of (assuming it’s not her company) found out who she’s with and...

Electronic_Swing_887 - If it was Howard Stern with gross, vulgar humor, that's one thing. But, if it's Andrew Tate Lite, he's profiting off of creating and elevating horrific and violent...

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deliberately targeting young men who feel women owe them physical attractiveness and sexual access (aka "incels") as the preferred audience. Grandma made her priorities clear. Protecting her grandson doesn’t appear...

Urging exposure of Kyle’s hypocrisy:

SnooWords4839 - Not wrong, expose Kyle as a fraud, if he "really isn’t like that".

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This family conflict underscores a mother’s duty to shield her child from harmful influences, even at the cost of strained relationships. Kyle’s public persona, peddling toxic rhetoric for profit, clashes with his private demeanor, raising concerns about his integrity and impact on her son.

MIL’s fury and limited time with her grandson highlight her prioritization of Kyle, while the Reddit community backs the mother’s stance, decrying his hypocrisy. Is she right to hold firm, or could a compromise preserve family ties without compromising values? What’s your take on balancing family harmony with protecting a child’s moral development?

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One Comment

  1. ” OH no, he’s a really nice guy, he just joined the Nazi Party because its a job requirement”
    “Whats his job?”
    “Concentration Camp guard”