Am I wrong for no longer cooking for wife after she drunkenly admitted she wished her male co worker could cook for her instead?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a cozy kitchen, the aroma of Beef Wellington gone wrong filling the air, as a couple laughs over wine-soaked mishaps. It’s a night of love and levity—until a tipsy slip cuts deep, with the wife wishing a coworker’s culinary skills could grace their table daily. Her husband’s heart sinks, and a wound festers beneath his smile.

Two years later, he’s a culinary whiz, dishing up paella for family but not a single plate for her alone. Her apologies pile up, yet his hurt lingers, blocking romantic dinners. Was his cooking ban fair, or is he stewing in old pain? This Reddit tale, fresh from his post, dives into the tangy mix of love, insecurity, and forgiveness, with a community ready to serve hot takes.

‘Am I wrong for no longer cooking for wife after she drunkenly admitted she wished her male co worker could cook for her instead?’

My wife and I have been married for 7 years and together for 10. A couple years ago, my wife had a male co worker who used to cook for the office often. My wife used to always rave about his food, and it admittedly made me insecure, also because he looked like a Greek model.

I had also started cooking for wife around that time. I was never a serious cook, but I decided to give it a shot. Prior to then, I only used to cook basic food, but I decided to try cooking complex meals. However, a lot of times it didn’t come out great. My wife used to help me, but I never was serious about it.

One night, my wife was drunk and we just had a Beef Wellington I had cooked. It was sort of a disaster, and my wife and I were both laughing about it. However, my wife then drunkenly admitted she wished her male co worker could cook for her every day.

I didn’t fully grasp what she was saying as I was really drunk, but my wife realized what she said and she apologized. I told her it was alright, and that it was probably some attempt at joke. However, the next day, I grasped what she was saying, and I felt really deflated.

My wife sensed it and apologized again, and after taking a day to think about it, I told my wife let’s not make a big deal about it, but also, I was never going to cook for her ever again. My wife again apologized and almost started crying, but I told her it was all in the past, and let’s move on.

It’s been 2 years since then, and my wife and mine’s relationship is stronger than ever. Over the past couple of years, I have also spent a lot of time taking cooking lessons from my sister, who’s a really good cook. I learnt that cooking just takes a lot of consistent practice, and you can’t just learn it over the internet, you need to acquire the skill.

And I can now confidently say, I am a much better cook than I was a couple of years ago. I cook for friends, and for my family or my wife’s family when they come over. The food I’m the most proud of and which I got a lot of compliments on is the Valencian Paella I made when my wife’s family came over for Christmas.

However, in spite of the progress I’ve made, I can’t find it in me to cook for my wife alone. I still remember the hurt and insecurity I felt a couple of years ago. My wife even stopped speaking to and taking food from the co worker after that incident, and the co worker has even left the company since.

But I still can’t find it in me to cook a romantic dinner for my wife. My wife has asked me a few times, and she says she’s willing to do anything to repent or take  accountability. But I tell my wife I’ve already forgiven her a couple of years ago, it’s just that I cannot mentally bring myself to ever cook for her.. Am I wrong?

This kitchen standoff is less about food and more about unhealed wounds. The Redditor’s refusal to cook for his wife, despite her apologies and their solid marriage, signals a grudge rooted in insecurity, not just a bad Wellington. Her comment, though careless, tapped into his fear of being outshone by a coworker, and his cooking ban became a shield.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a couples therapist, says, “Hurt festers when we don’t feel safe to reconnect—forgiveness requires vulnerability” (source). A 2021 study found 45% of marital conflicts stem from perceived slights, like comparisons, that linger without resolution (source). His cooking for others but not her suggests selective punishment, not closure.

Therapy could help him voice his lingering hurt, while cooking a small dish together might rebuild trust (source). His wife’s efforts—cutting ties with the coworker—show remorse. This tale reminds us: love thrives when we trade grudges for grace, one shared meal at a time.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crew swooped into this marital spat like pals at a potluck, dishing out tough love and a side of sass over the Redditor’s kitchen boycott. It’s as if they’ve crowded a virtual diner, debating over pie and coffee. Here’s the unfiltered buzz, packed with candor and a sprinkle of shade:

somegingershavesouls − You haven’t forgotten or forgiven her. Therapy might help

Select-Apartment-613 − You’re just lying to yourself, your wife, and now all of us lol. You have not forgiven her

Realistic-Ad-9755 − Like others have said. It’s time to put it behind you. You’re wife made the effort and has been holding on the the pain of the resentment you feel for her for years now.. You’ve grown as a cook now it’s time to grow emotionally and come together with your wife.. You wife yearns to be close to you

notthemama58 − I think you're not giving your wife enough credit. She stopped eating what her fellow worker cooked, she has apologized and really wants that one close thing: enjoying an intimate meal you cooked just for her. You say you have forgiven her.

No, my friend, you have not. You are still holding a grudge. I get that she hurt your feelings and made you feel insecure. But geezo, 2 years? And you'll cook for everybody and their mother and still won't for her? That's cold.

exact0khan − Buddy..I'm an old married f**k.. let me break this down without all the big ass words.. 1. You felt threatened by another man. That's it.. 2. Your cooking was a joke to both of you that night.. 3. The comment wasn't about food, it was the part about the next man.. 4. Reread points 1 thru 3.

Your ego hurt. You felt that she had eyes for someone else in that moment. You didn't forgive her, you've been lying to yourself. I cook for my wife every single night (unless we go out). I, too, was like you and could barely boil water.

I taught myself to cook and have had people offer to invest if I ever want to start a restaurant. I now have a complete kitchen with all stainless steel s**t.. it's awesome and I enjoy making food for her. It our thing... Your wife misses that. Don't be a d**k. Talk to her. Tell her you felt threatened and work through it. You got this boss.

suhhhrena − You’re wrong and you’re *massively* overreacting. You were both very drunk, your wife repeatedly apologized, and it was two years ago. Your wife wasn’t ever even into this guy—she just liked his food. YOU thought he looked like a model, your wife just thought he was a good cook. If this is still bothering you, and you’re still holding a grudge two years later, you need to be booking an appointment with a local therapist asap.

Puzzleheaded_Toe5160 − 1) you said you don’t want to make a big deal of it, but two years later you’re still making a big deal of it. 2) you said it’s in the past when it’s clearly affecting your present. Talk to a professional about it. It’s obviously more than you can navigate on your own, and randos on Reddit aren’t going to help like a good therapist. Good luck, my friend.

Herald_of_dooom − Jesus man, move on. Cook for your damn wife.

megamoze − You have not forgiven her at all. She seems genuinely sorry. Get over it, dude, for both your sakes.

Abigail_Normal − Is this about more than cooking? I'm confused. While it sucks that she insulted your cooking, you were a beginner. Of course an experienced cook was better than you. I can't imagine any reason to still be upset over this.

Your cooking was bad back then. You even admit the meal you had that night was a disaster. You're better now, but you can't bring yourself to cook for your wife because... she liked someone else's cooking? Am I understanding this correctly?

Was there more going on between them that you're not saying? Was it an emotional affair or did she just like good food? The former may need therapy to get over, the latter should never have been an issue in the first place.

These Redditors are all in, calling out the Redditor’s unforgiven grudge while urging him to cook for his remorseful wife. Many see his insecurity as the real culprit, not her drunken quip, and push for therapy to unpack the hurt. Some frame his selective cooking as petty, cheering his wife’s efforts. Their spicy takes beg the question: do these online nudges crack the code of forgiveness, or just stir the pot?

This culinary cold war serves up a hearty lesson: even small slights can simmer into lasting rifts if left unaddressed. The Redditor’s cooking ban, born of hurt, clashes with his wife’s genuine remorse, showing forgiveness is tougher than a perfect paella. As they navigate this, vulnerability could rekindle their spark. Have you ever held onto a hurt that shaped your actions? Share your story below and let’s dish on the messy art of moving on.

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