am I wrong for my kids that they don’t have to call my ex’s new girlfriend “mommy”?

Jonathan Hours
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A routine pickup from her ex-husband’s apartment turns into a shock for a mother when her young kids call his new girlfriend “mommy.” Fresh off a divorce, she’s stunned to learn her ex and his girlfriend encouraged this, claiming it eases the kids’ transition. Furious but firm, she tells her children they don’t need to use the term, sparking backlash from her ex and his partner. Now, she’s left questioning her stand.

This Reddit story captures the raw tension of co-parenting and the fight to protect a parent’s role. It resonates with anyone navigating blended families or defending their bond with their kids. As boundaries blur and feelings flare, it asks: is it wrong to insist on being the only “mom”? Let’s dive into this emotional clash and see what Reddit’s community has to say.

‘am I wrong for my kids that they don’t have to call my ex’s new girlfriend “mommy”?’

My ex husband Justin and I recently finalized our divorce. Almost immediately after we became separated, he began seeing Liz. They work together, and I have my suspicions that he cheated with her, but I have no proof. Justin and I have two kids together, 4f and 6m. I have primary custody due to Justin’s criminal record, but he has them on weekends and some holidays.

I don’t like Justin, but I’d never try to come between him and his kids. Liz on the other hand, well if I’m being honest, I don’t think she’s stepmom material. The other week, when I picked the kids up from Justin’s apartment, I noticed the kids telling Liz “by by mommy”. I was ticked off because I’m their mom, not Liz.

I don’t think my kids would just start calling her that on their own after only knowing her for a couple weeks, and I had a hunch that she’d told them to call her that. I texted Justin to ask about how the kids talk to/about Liz when they’re with him, and after some prodding, he admitted that he and Liz had asked the kids to call Liz “mommy”.

His justification was that “It helps ease the transition if they have a mother figure when they’re with me. Once you get a boyfriend, you can have them call him dad if you want.” I told him that the kids have a mom whether I’m physically with them or not, and that that mom isn’t Liz.

I told him to tell the kids that they don’t have to call Liz their mom if they don’t want to, and I told the kids this myself as well. Now Justin is mad at me because the kids refused to call Liz their mom and it’s making Liz upset. I feel like this wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t tried to force the issue in the first place, but am I in the wrong here?

Co-parenting requires respect, but this mother’s ex-husband and his girlfriend crossed a line by urging their young kids to call her “mommy.” The mother’s objection protects her role and her children’s emotional clarity. Forcing a parental title on a new partner, especially weeks into a relationship, risks confusion and loyalty conflicts for kids aged 4 and 6. Her insistence that they don’t have to use the term empowers them to define their relationships.

This ties to a broader issue: parental alienation in blended families. A 2019 study found that 20% of children in divorced families experience pressure to align with one parent’s new partner, often harming their emotional well-being. The ex’s justification—claiming it aids transition—ignores this, prioritizing his girlfriend’s feelings over the kids’. His suggestion that the mother could do the same with a future boyfriend dismisses her valid concerns.

Dr. Amy Baker, an expert on parental alienation, notes, “Children need clear boundaries to maintain healthy parental bonds post-divorce. Forcing new titles can erode trust.” The mother’s action aligns with this, reinforcing her role without alienating the father. The girlfriend’s push for “mommy” so soon suggests insecurity, not care, and the ex’s compliance risks long-term harm to the kids’ sense of stability.

For solutions, the mother should document these incidents for custody discussions, ensuring her ex respects her boundaries. A co-parenting counselor could mediate to align on neutral terms like “Liz” for the girlfriend. Talking to the kids gently about their feelings can reinforce their security. Staying firm while keeping communication open with the ex protects the kids’ well-being, setting a precedent for healthy co-parenting.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s reactions to this co-parenting clash are heated, with users rallying behind the mother and slamming the ex’s overreach. Here’s the community’s take:

BulkyCaterpillar4240 − What is it with all these girlfriends and stepmothers demanding for their partner’ s kids to call them “ mom?” You are correct. Your children only have one mother. Be firm with boundaries. Your ex and his crazy girlfriend are wrong.

cryssylee90 − Not wrong. She’s a brand new girlfriend, it’s absolutely INSANE to ask she be called mommy. wtf? Now, if a stepparent is around a while and THE KIDS choose to call that person mom, that’s a different judgement because it should ALWAYS be about the kids. But moving in a new gf immediately and asking the kids to call her mommy instead of allowing them to decide raises massive red flags.

tariland − You’re not wrong. That won’t ease the transition, if anything it will add confusion. It also veers very close to parental alienation.

ClevelandWomble − When did making Liz happy become you and your kids problem?. Tell him that you'll talk about it when they get back from their honeymoon.

annon2022mous − You are not wrong. Justin and Liz are out of line. And really have no idea about what it takes to be a mom or how to help children with transitions. It is actually kinda weird. How long have you been divorced?. Liz has some mommy thing going on and your ex is too stupid to see that.

dickpierce69 − It’s weird, Liz isn’t even a spouse. If she ends up being in the picture long term, they get married and the kids organically start referring to her as mom, that’s one thing. But to ask to be called mom is really strange. You’re not wrong.

Late_Magazine2573 − My stepmother did this to me. Don't allow it. It will f**k them up. Nip this s**t in the bud NOW.

Appropriate-Dig771 − Not wrong. I find this really offensive. This woman thinks she gets to be called mom just because she’s f**king a father? No way. It’s confusing to the kids and completely inappropriate. This isn’t something to let go of.

9smalltowngirl − You’re not wrong. She’s his GF! You realize this is bad news for your kids. He’s going to have women in and out of their lives.

ACM915 − My ex tried that s**t with my kids whenever they were at his home. It backfired badly on him, our children now have nothing to do with him.

These comments blend outrage with warnings, but do they fully capture the kids’ perspective? Reddit’s push to shut down the “mommy” label sparks a debate: is this about boundaries or deeper family wounds?

This raw tale of a mother defending her title against her ex’s girlfriend reveals the fierce instinct to protect a parent-child bond. By telling her kids they don’t have to call Liz “mommy,” she’s shielding their hearts from confusion, even if it stirs drama. It’s a reminder that co-parenting demands respect for roles, not replacement. Have you faced a blended family boundary clash? What would you do in her place? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this family standoff.

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