Am I wrong for embarrassing a woman on a Whatsapp group for hitting on my boyfriend?

A pub‑quiz group chat is meant for witty banter, score updates, and dividing teams—never for romantic drama. But when Meghan, the group creator, began lavishing compliments on OP’s fiancé, the fun trivia nights took an uncomfortable turn. What started as harmless friendliness felt like an open invitation to flirt, leaving OP brewing with frustration as she watched Meghan’s compliments stack up in the chat.

Back home, when Meghan quipped about being bored and OP fired back, “I don’t make a fool of myself hitting on taken guys,” the conversation froze. The lighthearted vibe vanished in an instant, replaced by awkward silence

‘Am I wrong for embarrassing a woman on a Whatsapp group for hitting on my boyfriend?’

I’m on a Whatsapp group with my boyfriend, this woman called Meghan and some other guys. We all met at a party for the first time and she created this group for meetups at the Pub Quiz. At that particular party, she didn’t exchange phone numbers with my boyfriend, but told a guy who had his number to add him, and then my boyfriend added me and the other guys.

She was already hitting on him at the party (I thought), but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. My boyfriend did nothing inappropriate and at first he thought maybe she didn’t know we were a couple, but I told him that she did because she was complimenting him even when talking to me for the first time (“your boyfriend is so good” etc.).

He said that even if he found her lame, he could not uninvite her even if he’s the organizer because she created the group.. She didn’t even save my number to her phone. No idea if he’s talking to my bf in private. We were at the pub quiz last night and she was all over him.

Never touchy, but giving him compliments about his skills and physical appearance, talking about her upcoming botox procedure, being generally very friendly but you could tell she wasn’t like that with other guys. Both my bf and I ignore her. He is very friendly, and he was as friendly with her as he was with the others and that’s it.

When we get home, I post the bill on the Whatsapp group because I paid and they needed to give me the money back. Meghan says she shouldn’t have ordered a second beer because she was “soo drunk” and only talked to my boyfriend about work instead of having an interesting conversation.

Or that maybe next time we should all get drunk (my bf and I are sober and everyone knows that). I told her it’s fine, I have enough interesting conversations with my boyfriend to compensate for the topics she discusses.

She asked me why don’t I wanna drink and I said “So that I don’t make a fool out of myself hitting on taken guys.” Now the group went silent, and my boyfriend is a bit sad that the dynamic of our pub quiz group might change.

Jealousy can serve as an early warning system in relationships, signaling when our emotional boundaries are crossed. Dr. Michele Kerulis, a developmental psychologist, explains that “jealousy can stem from insecurity, lack of trust, fear of betrayal, and low confidence, and can linger from past relationships and life experiences” . When Meghan’s flirtation felt like a threat to OP’s partnership, the resulting tension was the relationship’s alarm bell.

Setting and enforcing boundaries is a key expression of self‑respect. Brené Brown, renowned for her work on vulnerability, states, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others” . OP’s direct reminder in the group chat reaffirmed her self‑worth and protected the integrity of her relationship.

Boundaries do more than fend off unwanted attention—they preserve mutual trust. As Brown further notes, “Boundaries give us the space to love ourselves, even as we love and witness others”. By publicly calling out Meghan’s behavior, OP created a clear line: this group is about trivia, not a stage for seduction.

While private conversations can prevent embarrassment, a public assertion can swiftly recalibrate group norms. Relationship counselors recommend that both partners feel empowered to defend their shared space—whether that’s a living room or a WhatsApp chat. A well‑timed, measured clap‑back can restore comfort and remind everyone of the respect owed to couples.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Most readers applauded OP’s intervention as both justified and effective. They argued that ignoring Meghan’s flirtation would have amounted to silent approval. Many noted that the resulting awkward pause likely reset the group’s expectations, and predicted quiz nights will soon return to their playful rhythm once the “elephant in the chat” is addressed.

Mountain-Key5673 − It's gone quiet because you addressed the elephant in the room

seidinove − You are not wrong. She was all over your boyfriend in front of the group, so it was appropriate for the group to witness your

OldSoulMillenialMan − Speaking as a guy, I’d be pretty happy with this reaction from my girlfriend. I have had semi-similar “territorial” actions from girlfriends in the past in situations like yours (can count on one hand the number of times, I’m not that desirable lol), they always made me laugh and grin and feel pretty good just as this one did.

You weren’t over the top or insecure about it. You were the exact right level of territorial. She publicly disrespected you and you publicly checked her on her s**t. No foul. The group will bounce back and they all got a kick out of your comment - I guarantee it.

Certain_Damage_4898 − you did everything right. you did in fact, eat.

starship7201u − She didn’t even save my number to her phone. No idea if she’s talking to my bf in private. . Don't waste your energy on this girl. She's not worth it. . As far as:  . I said “So that I don’t make a fool out of myself hitting on taken guys.” .  

To quote comedian Roy Wood Jr,

walhk − Why on earth didn't your boyfriend tell her to knock it off and that he's not interested???

Oddly47 − Why don't you know if your bf is talking to her in private? Is this not something you are comfortable talking to him about? Or do you just not feel you can trust his answer to be an honest one? Either way, flags of red. 

Throwaway_Simp3164 − Now the group went silent, and my boyfriend is a bit sad that the dynamic of our pub quiz group might change. He's sad? Dude should have nipped it in the bud and you wouldn't have had to.

There are women who've hit on me when I'm obvs with someone and I make a point of saying stop or no thanks on the spot.. She got flamed when she should have been iced out. It's not like she's that important.

littlest_barbarian − Your boyfriend needs to be the one to tell her this. Why isn’t he? Why is he more worried about the “group dynamic”? What about the flagrant disrespect towards you from this girl?

Lunamanda − Doesn’t sound over territorial at all. I probably would have had a private conversation with her over putting it in the group, but then again to es h their own. It really depends on how disrespectful she was and what boundaries she was crossing and if your bf was allowing it. People are allowed to be friendly, but to an extent. Especially with their s.o sitting right next to them! Seems odd that she didn’t gaf

Flirtation in a shared social space can blur lines and unsettle couples, but clear boundaries remind everyone of mutual respect. OP’s story shows that sometimes, a public call‑out is the fastest way to reclaim comfort. Have you ever set a boundary in a group chat or social setting to protect your relationship? How did you do it, and what was the outcome? Share your experiences and advice below.

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